I'm not used to having any outlet for my emotions, other than freaking out. I keep everything bottled up and then when I can't take it any longer I blow up. I feel like I am astranged to my husband. 6 year ago he started playing Boom Beach and now he is addicted to playing games on his phone. He know that all the hours he spends playing games really pisses me off. We have had several fights about it and it has forced me into becoming a jealous, depressed, anxious person. He uses anger to force me to not say anything when he plays games all day. It seems like a ploy. If I say anything about the time he spends online, he will immediately throw down his phone and then I get to pay for even interrupting him. It has started some of the biggest fights we've ever had. I'm feeling like I'm at the end. He is so negative, it pains him to be nice to anyone, and I think especially me. All the horrible things we have said to each other, I just can't get over anything. I tried to get us help one-time, but he was convinced that there is nothing wrong with him or anything he does. I don't know how to get anything back to right. I feel like he conditioned my to be this way and now he won't change to make the problems better. I don't know if he wants things to be better. We haven't had sex in 5 years. I feel trapped.
Sinking: I'm not used to having any... - Anxiety and Depre...
Sinking
So what is the solution. I am in a marriage as well. We haven’t had any sex either. Are we just roommates now?
That is how I feel too. He doesn't think sex is a big deal, or he uses it against me. I'm scared to even have a conversation with him about it.
Thanks for writing me. I haven't had anyone to talk to in a long time.
I think it's a matter of breaking a bad cycle, but I don't know how. I want a relatinship not a roommate.
How long have you two been together?
I’m looking for a friend also
Have you tried anything that does help? I always feel like my efforts don't make a difference. We have been married for 22 years, you would think that we would be by all that, and this year has been the worst.
I need a friend also
Hi Marie1701,
As you are probably now more thrown together because of lockdown, why don’t you suggest just going out for a walk together sometimes. He probably can’t use his phone to game while walking. And it might then instigate a bit of conversation.
I’m no marriage guidance counsellor, but why don’t you book an appointment to go to one, preferably together, or on your own if need be. They will hopefully have some suggestions and answers for you.
Good luck, and don’t forget, you can always use this forum as an outlet too.
Sue
Date night
Reacting to his selfish negativity is only going to change you into a person you don't want to be. Respect yourself enough to be with people who respect you. You dont need him or any man like that. We all want to be loved but it is obvious you are not going to get any love or respect from him. Trying to manipulate, coerce, threaten, withdraw or reason won't work. You just take your power back in a non threatening way and make decisions for yourself in how, where and with whom you want to live with. We are not victims to others selfish mean behaviors. If people cant be kind and respectful to us, well then let them be alone, show them the door. You dont need to be his slave and cook his dinner and do his laundry You didn't sign up for that when you made your wedding vows. You were to be loved and cherished. For better or worse didn't mean for better or worse meant when the storms of the world come against you the two of you battle them together to protect your family. He is acting like a selfish teenager playing silly games on his phone! Outrageous! He needs a mother not a wife. Send him back to Mama!
Hi Marie1701. I completely understand what you are experiencing. I've been struggling in my marriage, 9 years. This last year together sheltered in place has been so challenging.
From what I've learned, it's up to me to create healthy boundaries. So by resetting expectations and creating healthy boundaries for my well-being, the marriage can be evaluated properly. I came to the marriage with high expectations for a husband. Mostly I thought he was going to be one of my best companions and that he would have the ability to take care of me physically and emotionally. Nope. In any case, marriage is an incredibly complex relationship. It is also core to our identity.
I'd like to suggest that going forward you make decisions that are in your own best interest. Marriage counseling is certainly recommended. It's bigger than you can handle alone, my friend; a professional will make it so very much easier to communicate.
Maybe today journal what you're thinking. Please, continue to shed light on the situation. There is power in telling your husband out loud:, "This doesn't work for me.". In my case, I'm a people pleaser, so I've struggled for years before I got help from a therapist. Finding my voice, saying 'no' to others, is something that I'm still learning - in my case, I'm desperate for external validation.
I've had a few friends come close to me recently - people in my life who don't know each other, they see the struggle I'm in. I feel trapped in the marriage. That makes me feel like I'm powerless (I'm not). That cascades into me feeling embarrassed, then I lose myself confidence and it's harder to stay in friendships when you lack self-confidence. It becomes a pattern of self-betrayal. In short order, I'm experiencing fear and being overwhelmed. Friends have let me know that this kind of behavior from a husband is abusive. They helped me acknowledge the situation. For years I've been lying to myself saying, "It's fine.", when it's far from fine.
We experience what we tolerate. if one stops tolerating the behavior, one will no longer experience it.
We're all here for you. Put yourself first. Show up for you.
Love & hugs!!!
Hi I've benefited from some counseling to figure things out and to see where i was in my life. I'm asking myself where am i now in my journey along with other questions while i reevaluate and deal with my emotions and relationships. Have you considered talking to a counselor by yourself? Sometimes it can be hard to see things clearly or to see options and a professional may help you sort things out. Know that you are not alone . There is good support here.
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Sinking
Sinking and Scared
Fighting suicidal thoughts,sinking in depression
I think im sinking again
So much pain. What did I do to deserve this. I'm treading water and sinking.
Related Posts
Slowly sinking back down again
Proud of myself. Meanwhile my roommate is searching for rock oil in the sink
It's that time of year, and others get happier. I sink.
I don't really know what to do
I am feeling down and unhappyModeration team
