Memories resurfaced

[LoveBear]

I have been in treatment for major depression for 2 years; been trough it all. I’ve been seeing a great counselor who has seen the good, bad and ugly in me. I’ve shared things with him that no one else knows. The last few weeks old situations have come forward, in my dreams, flashbacks and new anxiety. I think all these conversations have helped me be more open (I keep everything in) which is good however there is one door I don’t want to open. It’s cracking open but it will crush me if I have to face it. Has anyone had this experience? Not sure how to close and lock the door again. Anyone?

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

One day you may be ready to open that door. Maybe a little at a time. But for right now you are not ready. That’s ok. Keep it locked for now. Just knowing you have the key to it .....to use or not to use at your discretion....and no one else’s ....is pretty powerful.....

[Barbie72 in reply to Catsamaze]

That makes sense to me, I've got the same problem. Thanks for your suggestion.

[Barbie72]

Yes, I have one door too. Stress! Not willing to go there with doc. He said at last visit, "now that we've open the window, let's pursue it at our next session." Not going there. Wakes me up. Buried it long ago, but is a symptom of BP.

[LoveBear in reply to Barbie72]

My counselor has been great - he’s there but won’t push. I’m thinking I am going to open up eventually because it’s tearing me apart. It was so far down I wasn’t bothered - now...

[Barbie72 in reply to LoveBear]

your counselor sounds very understanding and caring about your readiness. Mine doesn't have a clue that I'm carrying around something, which is fine with me right now. Maybe down the road....

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Clearly, your doctor has never experienced what we have, Asha_Gupta. If it was that easy we’d do it! That’s like some well-meaning but clueless people I’ve known who have said, “ You’re feeling depressed? Go see a funny movie!”

[LoveBear]

Strange - it’s not a thought that can be changed

[Island2]

Dear lovebear, I hear you.Open that door and close it is the hardest thing to do. But there is only one way : open the door, accept the realty and close it.I know it easier say than do it.Problems do not go away.They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. We need to master our thoughts ,it is hard I know.The world view of patients is always an essential part of their problems, and correction in their world view is necessary for their cure. But ,giving up is the most painful of human experiences.Giving up personality traits,well-established patterns of behavior,ideologies,and even whole life styles. These are the major forms of giving up that are required if one is to travel very far on the journey of life. I would suggest a really good book and 5 series of it : The Road Less Travelled by M.Scott Peck,M.D ,if you wish i can give more other books names that help me a lot. Maybe the Acceptance is the key ....

[LoveBear in reply to Island2]

Thanks appreciate your thoughts and recommendation

[BlueMoon29]

I was just touching on this subject today. I've been more open in my new therapy than ever before and we've really dug deep into past issues that I was too frightened to talk about. In doing so I'm having dreams of the past and these obsessive thoughts about it. I almost feel worse sometimes. It's really hard right now and I can't give much advice on getting through it but I do believe it will serve a greater purpose in the long run. I definitely feel more open at least and more like if I could overcome talking about these issues then I can move on from and overcome the actual problems and fears themselves.

[LoveBear in reply to BlueMoon29]

Thank you