I just found this group this morning and wanted to share.

[Beautifullymade]

I'm really struggling with my depression this week and went looking for articles this morning. I found a link to this group and felt so much hope. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember but never knew the way I felt wasn't normal. I never knew it wasn't normal to want to kill yourself or not care if you die. I wrote suicide poems in high school and would cut myself on my wrists. That was in the 80s long before I ever heard about cutting so I didn't know it wasn't "normal". I've had suicidal thoughts my entire adult life and just assumed everyone did. I've also always had very intense emotions but thought that was normal too. My father was an alcoholic and my mother was codependent. I developed a problem with alcohol in my thirties and got sober when I was 38. I thought my alcoholism was the source of my emotional problems but no matter how many meetings I went to, I was still struggling to find happiness. I just felt like I must not be doing the right things-not working my steps well enough. When I talked about the intensity of my emotions and my anxiety, it didn't seem like anyone in my AA meetings could relate. I've always felt like I had this deep sadness in me that I called "my darkness". I managed to stay sober for 10 years even though I was miserable emotionally. It's an absolute miracle I never drank during that time. Three years ago, I started seeing a therapist and came to realize that I have been struggling with depression and anxiety my entire life. I was so relieved that there was a reason I have always been so miserable emotionally. I found out that it wasn't normal to want to kill yourself. I found out that it wasn't normal to be balled up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably. I had absolutely no understanding of depression or anxiety before I was diagnosed. I never thought I had depression or anxiety because I thought people who had depression couldn't get out of bed, and people who had anxiety had panic attacks. I was always able to "function" for the most part and I had never actually attempted to kill myself so I never even considered that I might have depression. I also thought the anxiety I experienced on a daily basis was normal and that everyone felt that way. I've always struggled with insecurity and found out it's linked to the depression and anxiety. Once I was diagnosed, I was so happy because I knew there were things I could do to feel better.

[Trying1268]

Welcome to the forum I am glad that you have found your way here to a safe place where you can talk and share with like minded people.

I suffer from panic attacks. I remember when I was young I thought I was having a heart attack. So I just covered up the symptoms for fear that I may be dying. I can laugh at myself now, but that fear was crippling. Understanding your symptoms and why you feel the way you do is truly the first step.

I wish you well on your journey to wellness and remember that this forum is always here for you if you need to talk.

Take Care.

[Beautifullymade in reply to Trying1268]

Thank you for your support!

[Beautifullymade]

Thank you! It feels really good to know I have support whenever I need it.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Beautifullymade]

Yeah congratulations! That’s a huge accomplishment 😊 you keep it up!!

[FearIsALiar]

Welcome to the group 💞 I’m so very happy I found this place as well. Everyone here is so supportive! Of course you have the occasional trolls here and there but don’t let them get in the way.

Happiness has always been hard for me to find. But you know if I didn’t have anxiety or depression struggles I would never be as grateful for the times when I do experience happiness. There are good things that come out of these struggles and of course bad things as well. But that’s with everything and it depends on how you perceive it.

[JW621]

I feel like I’m reading a journal that I wrote. A splitting image of my emotions. I deal with anxiety for all occasions which always lead to depression. I am 47 years old and in October I went for intensive out patient program. Through my therapy they diagnosed me with adhd. I finally realized I’m not stupid. I’m just different. I have found tools to help me cope and with medication I am able to live a life. My new start is what I call it. You sound very intelligent and in touch with your emotions. I hope to feed off each other positive messages. Have a great day.

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Welcome newbie😁

[BluePeppermint]

Welcome to the group and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you weren't diagnosed sooner. I guess I was only diagnosed with depression in my younger years because I did try to commit suicide when I was 13. Although it was not for years later that I was also diagnosed with anxiety. I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. Glad you are doing better these days.