This might come out super vague, but it’s only because if I were to tell the whole story it would be ridiculously long.
Anyway, I’m having anxiety right now because today I had a conversation with someone who is being extremely hurtful to someone I really care about. And I was standing up to this person, being completely 100% honest about the ways of the world, the way this person acts, trying to get them to see how their actions are hurting the person I care about, and I just feel as though I was being mean or hurtful. I said some things that were borderline mean, but they were true. So I’m going back and forth with myself about whether I was in the wrong or not for calling this person out the way I did. For being completely honest and calling out all of their flaws and pointing out what they are doing that is wrong in hopes they will fix it and actually do the right thing.
This is already a considerably long post, but I just feel that this is the reason I can’t keep lasting friendships. Not that this person was necessarily my friend, but the fact that I don’t put up with dishonesty or denial to true situations and I end up calling my friends out in almost every friendship I have when they are doing something damaging to themselves or others. And I just feel like most people can’t handle that. I’ve suppressed acting on some of these urges but today just couldn’t take the lies and excuses but now I’m just feeling anxiety..
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bina483
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As Lizzo says, truth hurts. Some people can't handle it. They live in denial.
I guess I don't understand why this is your responsibility . Isn't this a matter between two other people ? Unless they asked for your input it wouldn't be your concern . Having a great regard for the truth doesn't give you the right to interfere . Your friends will end up resenting you .
Not sure i personally would interfere. But things like this bother me as well. I just try to keep my distance. Good luck
I wonder if this friend you stood up for appreciates your intervening? Did this help or hurt your friends situation?
‘Serial correctors’, my own name I call a person that tries to always be the fixer. Eventually you’ll find yourself alienated, it’s seen as being judgy, condescending, arrogant, know it all. All this depends on many factors and circumstances of course as I’m not saying the right circumstance would warrant a time when speaking out would be considered appropriate to support your friends.
Because you stated this person you spoke to wasn’t necessarily a friend, not sure the impact. But if you do this to your closer friends which you said you have trouble keeping, I’d reevaluate this. I’ve supported my friends even when I know they’re wrong. Maybe having anxiety over this might not be a bad thing and you should listen to it, it may be telling you something that you may need to change.
1) if you think that was a long post, you def. have not read many of mine!!
2) if you hold your friends to honesty, and put your cards on the table - you sound like my kind of friend. i'm TIRED of all the game playing, and BS that so many people engage in.
3) if you lose friends because of #2 (pun intended) - they weren't any friend worth having.
4) and lastly... there are 2 kinds of people in the world - those that: care, respect others, value honesty, are capable of introspection, are able to accept constructive criticism; and those that: are not members of this forum!!!
there are an absolute crap-a$$-load of people out there, who are only willing to see the world as they believe it exists in their head. these people are severely brain damaged, and we have yet to develop a diagnostic test to identify them. there is simply no way to get them to change their mind, their behavior, or anything about them. this is because they are perfect - and everyone else is WRONG.
it's the worst kind of stupid - and you can not fix stupid.
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by all means you should try - that's how you figure out which kind they are. but don't beat yourself up when you fail - you will never fix some people - it ain't you - it's them.
IMHO - we that try to care and respect - are now in the super minority. maybe that's an under estimate - but that's what it FEELS like to me. we're definitely down to 51% - that much is for sure.
so my point is - at best - you're going to succeed educating someone 51% of the time. be prepared to fail alot !!! and don't let it get you down.... you're finding out which side they're on!!!
Good evening, 13ga I wanna bring up one of your point. Stupidity is the lack of knowledge, unaware of what’s right, what’s wrong. And that can be cured by providing the right guidance. Ignorance is incurable. That’s the dangerous one. I’m gonna go to bed. Have a good night and stay out of trouble 🤗🙏
How are people supposed to change if they aren’t self-aware? I think some people need tough love.. It can sometimes help them improve. I understand why you feel bad. Maybe you felt as if it wasn’t your place to even call them out.. but you wanted to be a good friend and that should at least give you some peace of mind.
I don’t think it’s bad to call out a friend for ruining themselves IF you felt like you earned that right.
For instance: if you had a friend for only a year you wouldn’t tell them to quit smoking pot because you don’t have that right. You haven’t earned that right. Although, your intentions are good and pure. Sometimes in situations you should keep quiet. But I think you did the right thing. A lot of people wish to have a friend that would stick up for them. Please don’t be hard on yourself, I think you’re a way better friend than you probably think you are and if some people can’t handle that... that’s ok. We can only do so much :\
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I can’t keep it normal anymore
How would other people act in this situation? Not sure whether to ditch this friend.
I have lost my only support 😞
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