6:11 am and I am having suicidal thoughts

[Croissantcris]

I have felt like this for months. Whenever I try to reach out for help from loved ones, all they tell me is to keep going. I cannot stop thinking that if I was gone everything would be ok.

[Hidden]

Your brain is in haywire mode and your thoughts are feeding into it making it worse.

I went to work one day at 7am and by 8:30 I was in ER telling them I had a plan.

I spent many years telling myself if I was gone everything would be ok.

Things change.

I’m not going to sugar coat anything and tell you magically everything will be ok....but by talking about suicide it helps. Feel like talking about it?

[Croissantcris in reply to Hidden]

I just. I can’t seem to understand my own worth as a person. I take much more than I give and I feel so selfish constantly. Since I could remember I’ve been fighting an ongoing war with myself. And nothing seems to get any better. I try to talk to my parents, but their way of thinking is old fashioned and they don’t understand

[Hidden in reply to Croissantcris]

We’re all here because that battle gets too hard to deal with by yourself sometimes. Hobbies? We all look for things to bide our time with other than paying taxes.

What are you good at

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

The fact that you are assessing yourself and your own shortcomings in admitting selfishness is a very good trait.

Some people go their whole lives being selfish and not giving a f@ck.

You’ve completed the first step in building yourself as a human and looking at your raw self in the mirror.

So???

Do you take a step toward change?

Do you find excuses?

The choice is yours friend

[Hidden]

Hi there👋Please get help immediately if you feel that you will hurt yourself, okay? We all care. Just a head's up, admin might take this post down for your own protection first (and then everyone else who is triggered and upset as well). They will help you out. We want to help as well, but we are not therapists and are not equipped to deal with this. We want you to get the best care possible.🙂

A couple things that might help: it is hard to give of ourselves when we are hurting so much. In this respect, I do not think you are selfish at all. Also, I'm really sorry that you are not getting your point across to your loved ones. I have dealt with things not getting across (to doctors) and it is beyond infuriating! Since I express myself better in writing, I wrote down my pain and showed it to the ones I needed to. I know that everyone has a different way of doing things, but could this be an idea for you?

Another thing: you are one of three I know of who have been suicidal or actually threatened suicide in the last day or so. I sense a pattern. I could be dead wrong, but could it be that you are fed up with this pandemic, get more depressed during the grey months, the holidays trigger you, or all of the above?

[Croissantcris in reply to Hidden]

Sorry I wasn’t aware. I just have been having a hard time lately and every time I try to get better I feel like I fall back into old patterns. It doesn’t help that I’ve been under a lot of stress due to school. Very helpful though thank you

[Hidden in reply to Croissantcris]

Please don't apologize. I just wanted to let you know what might happen so you don't get hurt by it. I'm glad I was able to help🙂So, what year of school are you in?

Just realized that admin has a post up about this.

[Croissantcris in reply to Hidden]

I’m a senior in high school but I’ve been stuck doing online school so it’s been rough

[Hidden in reply to Croissantcris]

Yeah, I bet. Can you get out for a walk now and then? Also, get dressed! I know this sounds like strange advice, but you might feel better if you keep to as normal a routine as possible.

[Croissantcris in reply to Hidden]

My best friend actually took me out to the gym this morning! It definitely helped a lot and while I was working out I listened to Becky G’s podcast and the episode was about Latinx mental health and I think it was really helpful

[Hidden in reply to Croissantcris]

That's great!!! Working out definitely helps me as well!

[Nokita_Chan24]

Hello. I have been attempting suicide since 10 years old and recently I overcame that. To note that I am 25 years old now. How and what did I do?

At younger age shaping your career life was the only job you had to do. So, occupying just your education was a minor task as compared to now. At school, I had few friends who would understand me and I had a tutor who would advise me. With time I grew up ,passing thru all stages of attempts to suicide but it didn't work yet I suffered and every time i felt let down. Soon after my 20's I was employed as a health care person. Life got difficult because I had to adapt to the career life. When I started treating patients they always used to encourage me for my job. I met people with hopeless cases of survival. Met cancer patients who want to live but life is not giving them that opportunity. They were really sweet souls. And they in their last stage of life has been encouraging me to perform better whenever life creates another phase. I was sad when one of them passed away as she was related to me. She was my nursing tutor. Since that day i remembered her words and tried to perform better at work. Gradually, I was enjoying what I was doing. Many patients encourage me. This helped me a lot to regain my self confidence. I try to keep myself busy and always finding some time to love myself.

Life may be harsh upon you. Circumstances may put you down.

But LOVING your self is very important. Every one is born for a purpose and so do you. Find your purpose . Get to understand yourself. Get some help from people you think will help you. When you have such ideas in your mind, you ought to talk to someone/ keep yourself busy/avoid/ignore that negative idea. You should not encourage yourself by harming you. IF GOD HAS PLANNED YOUR DEATH DAY THEN WHY PROCRASTINATING?

I hope I have not been long in my writing. But life is beautiful, my friend. You have eyes to see it but you are not able to focuss on its beauty. Try to work on that. All the best to you. And I believe you will overcome that level like a pro. Because you just need to believe in yourself as you have many capabilities dedicated to others . Unleash your hidden qualities and develop them .

[hopelessness]

Hello,I went through the exact same thing 2 years back and its not easy to deal with it . So during those times what I did was maintain a journal. I would sit for hours at a stretch and write down everything I felt, and it helped me to some extent.

If this does work out with you please let me know! I am here for you.

[Croissantcris in reply to hopelessness]

My friend actually gave me the idea and I’ve been journaling for almost a year. It does help, but I think with the quickness of how my moods change definitely make me feel like I need to write everything down

[Kangaroo_Alice]

Maybe you need to call your doctor, describe what you’ve been feeling the past months and see what they say. They may suggest you visit a therapist to unburden yourself and help you see things from a different angle. Also, depending on symptoms, the therapist or doctor may have you start antidepressants. When you’re clinically depressed, you cannot do anything without a tremendous effort. Even getting dressed. But, no, it would NOT be better if you weren’t around. I understand because I feel that way a LOT. It’s really difficult to see that when you’re so unhappy. Reach out to us. We want to help and to make you feel like you are worthwhile. Because you are.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer in reply to Kangaroo_Alice]

Hi . I agree with Kangaroo_Alice. Easier said than done but reach out to your doctor, friend, us.......asking for help is the only way you’re going to get it. So many positive things can happen if you only will..........