Feeling at my lowest

[wanttobefree]

Hello ,you can check my profile to learn the things i went thru possibly depression,anxiety,OCD.But i dont what this is, everytime i learn about a disorder i think i have it its so stressful my hands start to get wet and all of that.Tonight i learnt about a disorder called Somatic Symptom Disorder,i clicked on a video and this guy was explaining whenever he had to do a task like study or something his physical pain would kick in (thats what the disorder does it causes big physical pain) and this school year i didnt study at all and i feel like i have the symptoms which i probably dont,but now i know its going to stuck in my head and confuse me alot.I dont why i am this kind of person im only 17 and my life feels to an end ,i feel like i have no future,nothing i mean how could a person function like this.My brain is foggy all the time,i dont enjoy things anymore,i swear to god even food doesnt taste the same,like my taste buds have been damaged 60% and all i feel like its a small portion to know if its salty or sweet.I dont know what i want or where i want to be.I dont think i can have a normal life.I ask my self why people enjoy things where in the end nothing matters.I have created this concept of myself which i dont want to be.I feel like im always going to be desparate always in need of others.I dont know why but i cant hold on anymore.I want to be like my friends not overthinking,not feeling constantly tired , i want to have motivation , i want to enjoy going out.I dont want to stay alone the rest of my life.I have all this burden i want to let it go but it seems i cant.I have so many things to say but when they ask me How Are You Feeling?I dont know even how to respond,words get lost in my brain and all i say :Im okay.This is not healthy , i cant even study anymore its hard to focus. I dont know what im going to do.Im really lost!!!

[Magical_thoughts]

What I want you to do is go and visit or talk to or befriend people who want what you have. Who do not have what you want. Speak to people who are older who would love to be 17 again. Speak to 17 year olds who can not afford to go to school. Who wish they could. Who do not have food to eat. Because trust me when you walk in their shoes you will appreciate yourself more and how lucky you are and be able to help others. You have a whole life ahead of you. You can do this. You will probably go onto do great things

[wanttobefree in reply to Magical_thoughts]

I got similar advice from people,i understand im in a great position socially but mentally im just exhausted.I dont know if its the genes,chemicals in the brain or whatever (because i got family members dealing with mental health too).I understand your point of view,but still doesnt work.Im thankful for everything i have but i completely hate myself.I dont know where this self-hatred comes from but its scary.Thank you for your response.

[psychcoffee]

Hello, wanttobefree. I may not be able to fully understand how you feel but I sure know how it feels to feel lost and hopeless. You are not your symptoms, thoughts or pain. I believe that you are more than that and that life truly has something in store for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this but pleade believe me when I say that you are deserving of more than you'd think. I truly hope that things will be easier for you and that kind things will happen to you. If you need someone to listen to you or to talk to, please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,

A friend from miles away.

[wanttobefree in reply to psychcoffee]

Thanks, i know its a shitty feeling (feeling lost,hopeless).Thank you for your kind respond, i do believe we will all get our time to shine,ill be strong so do you.We're not alone.

<3