Y were you hesitant to express your comments freely........

[Ava20]

Today I had a presentation, and even though it was a big achievement for me that I was able to pick myself up from bed and present in it and even my ideas were appreciated by the 3 professors. But when I asked my supervisor about it personally he told me that I was hesitant to comment freely and what has happened in d last 10 months? I wanted to shout out and say to him that you should have met me 2 days back when I was not coming out of bed and this anxiety was making me crazy. And how intimidated I feel now to present in front of you when I'm so weak within and when I'm lacking confidence within me. And even to face you and present has been a big achievement for me n I'm proud for myself and u don't know how strong I'm trying to push away my anxiety while talking to u at this moment.

[Sillysausage234]

That’s unprofessional of him to say that,the main thing is Ava you did do it well done take confidence in that

[Ava20 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Haha.. u r the frd who will call a person douchebag if ur best frds says so. I'm so happy to get that feeling from people on this platform. Thank u for your support man.

[Agora1]

Ava, I agree with Sillysausage in that you did well and be proud of yourself

for handling it. People don't have a clue what we go through. But you did it

and that's what counts. xx

[Ava20 in reply to Agora1]

I know. I'm thankful that I hav this place to share it all.

[Hidden]

It's hard for them to understand it if they do not experience it themselves, so I wouldn't take it personally. (Not say you are taking it personally). But maybe he sees you and thinks, wow there is absolute no reason for her to feel anxious she seems like the last person to feel that way. You never know how others feel. You only know whats going through your own mind and it's a lot, and that's why i'm glad you're proud of yourself and I'm proud of you to because I know exactly how it feels to be terrified with anxiety speaking to others, especially if it's multiple people. You are doing your best and not everyone with anxiety can say that because it's easier to run from it. You confronted it in your presentation and asking for feedback because YOU want to be better and improve. Shame on him for being insensitive and not as professional as he could have been.

[Ava20 in reply to Hidden]

I cannot blame him too as he doesn't know my state of mind and he always tries to push people hard. He is known for it. He is a very tough one to crack. And even I'm not that close to him given that I have barely go to talk to him in person, given the pandemic. So even though it hurt me with response, but it has also made me to think that I can do much better next time as he thinks I can.

[Pagesofwords]

I'm proud of your courage, Ava, in doing the presentation. I'm not sure what your supervisor was intending to say. Could it be that your supervisor was trying to be helpful or show you support but he/she didn't know exactly how to say it or wasn't as clear as you needed to hear at that moment? Does your supervisor regularly show good favor toward you and belief in you? Or did this communication seem like only one of many criticisms? Either way, remember how YOU feel about what you achieved is what matters the most! Keep on doing your best and believing in yourself--you are achieving a lot more than you realize because you have to fight through your anxiety to get to the front of the room.

[Ava20 in reply to Pagesofwords]

I know. He is always helpful to me and I think it was to only make me perform better next time he said so. He doesn't know I have anxiety issues. But what I was trying to say in the post is that I felt like saying it out loud to him that what I was feeling inside and he has no idea how difficult it was for me to even do this much. Its really difficult to not tell the people u work with abt ur issues n still fulfill their expectations.

[Pagesofwords]

I think I understand what you're saying, Ava--especially in your last sentence. What I have learned in relation to that is it is usually wisest for me to have a safe person to talk with about my depressed feelings or low self-concept and other negative things rather than telling someone in authority over me about my true feelings. My therapist helped me in learning to set up healthy professional boundaries. Sometimes if you have a person who is a mentor to you, that person can be safe to express negative things to. It is always a gamble to possibly disclose too much of yourself with people who are in a position of power over you. Still, there are kind and caring mentors out there who will be safe for you. In time, you may learn a lot of healthy strategies to cope with your anxiety issues. Give yourself a pat on the back and just keep moving forward. I am rooting for you, Ava!