How can you grow your support system

[crabfish1979]

I suffer from anxiety & depression.I was wondering how do you grow your support system.I need more ppl to talk my feelings over with.

[jkl5500]

Coming here is a good start! You'll find plenty of people here who have gone through all the same stuff that you have.

[crabfish1979 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you

[Blackdog1]

I've often wondered the same thing myself.

I feel like I never learned how to overcome shyness and make many friends. I felt for a long time that I was lonely because I deserved to be alone. Now I think I was just shy and need to practice interacting with people more.

[crabfish1979 in reply to Blackdog1]

No one deserves to be alone.I am also shy.

[Hidden in reply to crabfish1979]

I’m shy too

[Blackdog1 in reply to crabfish1979]

I agree. It was just a thought in my head. Wrong but powerful.

[crabfish1979 in reply to Blackdog1]

I have alot of wrong negative thoughts that have robbed me of my self esteem and peace.Thoughts are VERY powerful.

[Blackdog1 in reply to crabfish1979]

Well, it will take me some time, but I'm starting to catch myself and figure if I put them there, I can remove them.

[crabfish1979 in reply to Blackdog1]

Blackdog1,I'm going to try & think that way too.😊

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Blackdog1]

I gotta know. Harry Potter fan? (Black dog and all.)

[Blackdog1 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Nope. Black dog fan.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Blackdog1]

??? What Black dog? As in canine? What kind?

[Blackdog1 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Yeah well I had a black dog. She was great- a shepherd mix. Couldn't have had a better one.

[Hidden in reply to Blackdog1]

Dogs are the best 😊

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Blackdog1]

Had. Oh, I am sorry.

[TailWags in reply to Blackdog1]

I need more support system.too. i have depression and anxiety and have issues when going thru tough times without others to help. Going thru some extra horrible ones now. Regardless of what went on in my life, i could always count on my loving parents to.be there. They were my rock and foundation i built my life on. For years i dreaded the day i would loose one or both.

My dad died suddenly on Easter from covid. My.mom got it too. She was in the hospital and rehab for a month. Since no visitors are allowed, she was very sick and dealing with the loss of the love of her life, her husband and best friend for over 65 years. She was very sick, debeloped hospital delerium, but survived. She is not the same person as before she got sick. She is very weak and gets confused and forgetfull due to delerium and some mild demensia she had before.

Now she is staying with me. I am so glad she is her but my life has changed completely. It is so.much work and i am so messed up i cant even think about my job. I dont even know what my manager is thinking now. I havent worked in a couple weeks.

So my mom is haveing a rough time , and st 87, i know she wont be around.forever. i fear i will really loose it when she goes. I will.be adrift alone. No foundation or stability in my.life. i am 1 of 6 kids, but the other 5 have their own lives. They dont understand what this means to.me. they are busy and not available to help me whem needed. Not sure how i will bear yjis

[crabfish1979 in reply to TailWags]

First of all my condolences on the loss of your father.I loss mine 7 yrs ago& he was my rock.Also sorry to hear about your mom.These are trying times for everyone...Especially from those who suffer from these kinds of conditions.My mom has dementia& is living in assisted living so I don't have her at this point.Love on your mom as much as you can.I pray your support system grows.

[TailWags in reply to crabfish1979]

Same to you. Neither my mom nor me know how we will get thru this. It helos to know there are so many people that have made it thru. I dont see how i could survive losing her too without more support.

[TailWags in reply to Blackdog1]

I had a wonderful black dog too. Doberxgolden retriever. 95 lbs or well defined muscley love. Now i have a 70 lb hairy black dog. Still lovable but they each habe their own personality

[Want2BHappy3]

PLEASE don’t do That? I’ve done that, friends and family don’t want to hear it because they don’t know what you’re going through? That it sounds like complaining? I have No one to talk too Not even my Kids. They can’t handle it, it Best to go to counseling 🙏

[Nothing_but_books]

Hey crabfish,

I am by no means a bible thumper. But some words come to mind:

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you..."

Which means to me that you ain't got a chance if you don't try.

I'm lonely too. I'm shy too. We are not the only ones for whom the search is hard.

Write me if you like. Start with your screen name -- do you love to fish?

[crabfish1979]

Nothing_but_pain,Thanks for the advice.Seems like we have alot in common.I love seafood that's where the name comes from.Message me anytime.We can help each other.

[Lets_heal]

I struggle with this too and was beginning to try embracing my community. 🧱Unfortunately the pandemic has stopped what I had planned. 📚Reading is a good hobby and you dont feel so alone when doing it. I have been doing more reading myself. I just dont enjoy like I used to, so I still get lonely a lot.

[Carjul60]

I know how you feel. I had 1 friend in infant and junior school and we were inseparable. We did everything together. When we went to secondary school, she had to go to a Catholic school, so I found myself alone when first starting in the upper school. I was always quiet and shy and found it difficult to mix. Eventually I befriended another girl, it wasn't the same as my original friendship, and she could be a bit shallow, dumping me if a better offer came along. I saw my original friend on and off, which was good, but then she joined the Navy and moved away so we lost contact. The new friend ship was OK, but I did feel a bit used, and all the other girls at school used to bully me, name calling and sticking pins in me and all sorts of stuff. When secondary school finished, the new friend got engaged and moved away. I have never seen her since. I started work straight from school and whilst I got on with everyone, once work was over it was just me. There were a few work do's that were good, but outside of work, I was always alone. I never really went anywhere out of work, mainly because I had no-one to go with. Eventually I followed one of my childhood dreams and bought a motorcycle. I did training courses and eventually became an instructor myself. It was through bikes that I met my first husband. We were married for 25 years and had 3 beautiful children. Then he went off with someone else, and again I was alone. The kids were grown up with their own lives and careers. I eventually got together with a man that I had known for years. He was so understanding and kind for the first few years. We got married a couple of years later. I wish now that we hadn't. I can't have a conversation with him without getting my head bitten off. He is rude and verbally abusive and generally treats me like dirt. I had suffered from anxiety and depression for years, and he just makes it worse. He questions everything I do and has a go if I buy anything, whether it be for me or for the house. He has no time at all for anxiety and depression and refers to it as a poor me episode. I therefore have no one to talk things through with. Mum and Dad have dementia and them and my only sister live miles away, as do my kids. I can honestly say that I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. I just feel completely empty inside. I used to get quite emotional over upsetting things and trying to deal with depression and anxiety alone, but I think that I have completely lost my emotions. I just don't seem to feel anything anymore. I've often wondered how you grow a support network. That was always pushed on you at counselling sessions. "Go out and meet some new people and build up your friends base and support network" they'd say. Truth is, I don't know how any more, and how would it work when I no longer have any feelings. There is just me, myself and I, with depression and anxiety thrown in to keep me company. I would probably be better off getting out of my marriage, but then I'd have no where to live and I wouldn't even have the comfort of having someone else in the house, if you can call it comfort.

If you should ever have the good fortune to manage to build your support network, please pass on any tips that you learn along the way. I do really feel for you, because I am in the exact same lonely predicament. Sorry for the long post, but as you will know, offloading helps.