Odd New Behavior

Hey y'all, hope all is well with everyone this holiday season. The feelings in the air are warming to the heart (even though where I live, it is super cold this time of year).

So recently, I've been in this funk that I don't know how to explain. And it's not necessarily my fault. It's actually my boyfriend...

So lately, it's hard to admit, but I've felt that he's been a little controlling. Just slightly though, not very intense. But it's deep to me. Lately, whenever I've been upset, he's yelled at me and told me to stop being upset (even though it's definitely not that simple). And earlier today, he accused me of lying when I told him that I was okay. I actually was okay, but he had to think that I wasn't. It's all a little bit confusing. He doesn't like when I am upset, but when I'm not, and I was something slightly off to him, he accused me of lying to him and acts like I'm the bad guy. I'm not really sure what I did wrong in this scenario. Although it makes me think it's my fault, and that I've just screwed up so many times that this is what it's come to for him. I don't know what to do now.

I don't want this to be the end, especially since this behavior is definitely new and uncertain. But I don't want to feel like I'm constantly on a string, and he's the puppet master.

Anyways, that's what's been up with me lately. How're all of you doing? Hopefully better I presume. I hope everyone can find something special during this holiday season that brings you joy. My favorite part of the holidays is baking cookies and having my house lit up by festive lights. It brings such a magical feeling.

Hope everyone is staying safe. Peace, love, and warmth to you all! <3

[Hidden]

when no one cares...

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

Hey I am just now seeing your post! People do care actually. Some people just don’t know what to say and some even miss posts..don’t take it personally.

[FearIsALiar]

Hi 💗

I just want you to know that I was actually in a controlling/abusive relationship. If your boyfriend is showing signs of being controlling, LEAVE! It will only get more intense and worse from there. Please just trust me on this. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know what it’s like but thankfully I got out when I did because I know it could’ve been so much worse. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem very empathetic towards you? Why would he even yell at you for being UPSET. My boyfriend actually did the same and said I have NO REASON to be sad. HUGE RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩🚩 (that I clearly ignored at the time). When you’re so in love with someone it’s very hard to see the red flags, especially with someone who manipulates/gaslights you. You did nothing wrong in that scenario..don’t allow someone else to cause you think that way.

I understand you don’t want the relationship to end but would you want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings and yells at you? I’m sorry but I really think you should leave the relationship. I’ve been there and ignored the red flags and things got so much worse. Definitely not worth staying in a relationship like that. If you want any advice or someone to talk to feel free to PM me!

My favorite part of the holiday is definitely baking, spending time with family, and of course decorating!

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Hey there! Thank you so much for reaching out! Yeah, I do love decorating for the holidays too. It gets me in the mood and is just so fun.

I honestly don't know what to do with the whole situation. I don't know whether to call it yelling or not, since he and I don't see each other very much. It's just texting aggressively and I take it as yelling, because it's in all caps and has exclamation points. It sure feels like yelling. I told him to stop yelling at me because my mom yells at me a lot, and it hurts. To my parents, hurting someone's feelings doesn't matter to them because they think that people just need to get over it and not take anything personally. I guess I'm not capable of getting over that type of thing. I'm pretty easy to break.

I guess I just still have hope. He's the only person I've ever open myself up to this much ever. I guess I don't want to leave that behind. I don't want to start over, and have no one to be myself around. I don't want to lose that feeling of reassurance that I get when I know I can talk to him. Or at least most of the time anyways. I'm scared of not being able to find anyone else. And it's so nice to actually have someone go out of their way to love me. I want to hold on to that. He and I have literally talked about getting married and having kids. And boy, do I want that. I'm just not ready to give up on it.

I don't know if it's a lot to ask, but do you think there's anything I can do to get him to stop this behavior? It's so out of the ordinary for him; maybe there's something going on in his life that's causing this that I don't know about. I really want to figure this out, and not call quits. If you have any suggestions or ideas, please let me know.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to listen to what I have to say. Lately, it feels like not really anyone cares. It was nice to pop on here and see that someone actually acknowledged me. So thank you for that.

As always, if you need anything at all, you can always ask me. Peace, love, and warmth. <3

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcome :)) I’m here for you friend 💗 but yesss! Love decorating and seeing Christmas decorations too. I can’t stand the Christmas music though (it’s the same every year 😂) I’ll only listen to it the week of Christmas haha.

Honestly I would take it the same way as you. That’s definitely yelling and he knows the difference between all caps and exclamations. Trust me boys know what they are doing they act clueless!! I definitely understand. Sometimes i cry when someone tells me what I don’t want to hear or if they have a change of tone in their voice that sounds rude. I broke down crying today after talking to the receptionist at the doctors on the phone! She said I HAD to go to the ER because she thinks I have covid when the shortness of breath I get is from anxiety. I’d have more then shortness of breath/chest pain if I had covid.

I just want you to know that I had hope in my past relationship and it never worked out. It got worse and worse. I couldn’t stand it anymore so I had no other choice but to leave. It was so bad for my mental health. It just wasn’t worth the worrying or pain anymore. You definitely will open up to someone else. You’re only young and there’s SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE you haven’t met yet. No one wants to start over. Everyone just wants to stay where they are comfortable even if the situation is bad for them. You’re not alone. The only person you really have is yourself at the end of the day. Don’t depend on someone else to make you happy or give you comfort. You find that in yourself. Learn to love yourself and you will be unbreakable!! My ex and I also spoke about getting married etc.. but I thought about it and was like “would I really want to be stuck with someone who was so bad for me?” He also cheated on me so there’s that too lol..I couldn’t ever trust him again.

You should maybe ask him if anything’s going on with him and that he’s been acting differently!

I definitely care about you! You have me 😊💗

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Thank you so much! Dude I get it with the Christmas music XD.

I'm sorry to hear that you were told to go to the ER. That's a little ridiculous to me. Like, not everyone has covid. I had a headache the other day from staring at screens too much, and when I told my mom, she backed away from me and looked at me strangely. Ugh; covid is ruining everyone's lives.

I asked him if there was anything going on, and he said no. I don't know if he's hiding anything from me (it doesn't seem like it), so I'm not sure why this is happening. I talked to him about how it makes me feel, and he seemed to be willing to try to not do that anymore. He said it was him panicking, which I don't know if I believe or not. I get that he doesn't always have the answers, but I don't know if yelling at me was the best thing he could come up with. Boys are a mystery lol.

I think I have a problem with loving myself honestly. I tend to deprecate myself and always find my flaws. Whenever someone calls me pretty or something like that, I say thanks, but I'm always thinking otherwise. I guess I look at myself, and I think I'm revolting. And I really don't know what to do to stop. It's just a natural habit at this point. If you have any comment on that, feel free to let me know lol.

I'm glad to know I have you. You of course have me too. I definitely care about you! <3