I have nothing left...

[wittsend0]

I spent the first 32 years of my life focused on “family”.

Still can’t really believe all the stuff I bought into about blood matters family first,do the right thing and the American way.

All wrong.

Then I tried hard work and therapy and all the self help books.

Didn’t help.

I’m pretty sure I have some level of autism on top of my other learning disabilities, because I can never spot when my attempts at being a good person and doing the right thing will lead to being kicked in the teeth.

I know longer friends they all have either let me down or outright screwed me over.

The only two relationships I have had have turned out to be the same person one batshit and mean the other nice but still all about what she wants and not about need a let alone what I want.

Everybody sees through blinders and what they want to hell with anything else.

I’m weeks away from homeless.

I can’t seems to sell anything regardless of attempts.

I spend everyday trying to stave off fetal posterior anxiety.

The only path I see is throwing away giving away or crushing my possessions and buying an RV.

And praying I can find some place in a less expensive place to live .and find work.

I have sent out over 4 thousand resumes and can’t even get a phone interview. Having reworked the resume about 30 times and had a so called expert steer me on changes.

Alone,

Lonely

Lost

Depressed.

I think death would be better every day.

Just don’t have the gumption to off myself.

I’m terrified, crushed about to leave my partner, since she keeps reinforcing my needs our ability to pay for anything mean nothing. I’m not talking about anything other then food and shelter. Real needs not o can I do anything for myself and not about me.

How can a life be worth living if you have no one to lean on when it’s all going wrong. Or for that matter when it’s average.

My ability to cope is blown up for the last year . It went prior to COVID and got wiser as the world progressed. I feel nothing other then depressed, I’m talking really dark. Or nothing all of the time.

I’m just lost.

[mrmoto]

I am sorry to read that your life path has been and is so painful. You are not alone. All of us pass through extremely trying experiences. Have you availed yourself of government and privately funded programs to help you through this most difficult time? Hopefully you could receive some therapy to diagnose your condition and supply appropriate medical assistance. Don't give up on yourself. You have shown great strength in dealing with your current circumstances. Others have given up. There are beautiful people and places to find and include in your life. You can find happiness and joy. Please seek out medical help for your condition. There may be other programs to assist you with your housing and food expenses. May the windows of heaven open and pour out blessings of healing upon you.

[wittsend0 in reply to mrmoto]

Thanks kind words, I can't afford a decent shrink, so I gave up on that path. Truth is my whole life I never took a penny from anybody including EDD until Covid and of course it isn't enough to cover anything. Been blowing my savings to survive. I get there others worse off. And I find it to be that much worse the there are others in the same or worse situations while fat cats make billions and we all suffer. I briefly glanced at Government assist for psych in the past and gave up there as well. At the time I was making too much for them to consider it. Not enough to afford quality care, but more than they thought appropriate. Now that I'm making nothing they might do something. But the Pessimist in me (and rightly so based on my past experience) doubts I'll find anything nor where to start to look.

[mrmoto in reply to wittsend0]

Finding quality medical care in this economy is extremely difficult. Your frustration is certainly justified. Your way forward will require all of your efforts. Searching for every possible assistance will necessitate seeking help not only from government entities, but will undoubtedly mean that you will have to plead your case to local clergymen, charities, etc. Hopefully, someone will take up your cause and help you find a path to healing. Truly, I understand that many consider this type of activity degrading and self-defeating. But your health and your future depend upon your getting the healthcare you need. From my perspective, that is worth everything. I hope and pray that you will find respite from your pain.

[Hidden]

Ha, I agree with you on that one. You invest so much and care for “family” just to be treated like you wouldn’t give up any and everything for them. It’s hurtful and I’m sorry if you are neglected in anyway. It seems to me you have met and trusted some wrong people in your life. Sometimes those who we think are the right business partners or innocent people turn out to be the ones who screw us the most simply because we trusted them. Trusting is not the problem, it’s the people who take advantage of it.

Financially, it sounds like you are in survival mode. That sounds very scary, stressful, and just overwhelming. My dad went through this before. Had to sell all the silver he invested in and then lost that when the value of the dollar went up. Sad. Buying an RV is an option or considering moving into a trailer? Good luck on finding a place. Do not hesitate to reach out for help if you need it because someone out there will help you and care for you and understand you. I’m sorry about the people who don’t treat you right, you deserve better, and they know it but sometimes people can’t help themselves and will take it out on you. You seem like the hardest worker I’ve come across on here.

Good luck. You will get through this.

[Reading_Rando]

Frankly speaking I think the process we undergo we when apply for jobs can be deeply dehumanizing. All the complexity and nuance that we have as people are reduced down to a some blurbs about our skills and work history as if that's all we are. It doesnt recognize how hard we work, or how good we try to be, or how many friends we've helped. Despite the world's cruelties your not alone! There are people on this site and in IRL who can value you for just being you.

[wittsend0 in reply to Reading_Rando]

Thanks, I wonder if anybody on here knows any really good recruiters?