Nothing Left to Give

[Pink2pink]

I have nothing left to give, it’s coming up on a month since my attempt and all I keep wondering is “WHY”, why didn’t it work. Why did someone find me? I don’t want to be anything to anybody anymore...

Thank you for letting me vent.

[bonkers65]

I am sorry you feel so bad, but you are not alone. I don't feel good either. But just keep trying. Maybe one day you and I both will feel better. Don't know what else to say.

[Pink2pink in reply to bonkers65]

Thank you for listening.

[Hidden]

Since your attempt???? I've written some crazy posts on here where I've really wanted to die, and my emotions can be like being on a roller coaster, but I think something to keep in mind is that we all have days that are better than others and sometimes you have to say to yourself,- this too shall pass. What do you like about yourself??? Maybe you need to try therapy or try reading some self help books, or listen to some motivational speeches or Ted Talks. I happen to be in a better frame of mind today just because I got out of the house for awhile and got out of my own head. You've got to try to find ways to get out of a downward spiral.

[Pink2pink in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate your comment.

[leafy-fact]

I am so sorry. The time after an attempt can be a blur and can feel so painfully clear. I find it’s usually the dark things that are the clearest and loudest. It’s so hard to think there is anything beyond it.

And then all of a sudden, there is something else. And it’s usually messy and hard and turbulent.

And then one day you’ll realize that for a second The doom wasn’t there.

The waves are unrelenting and can be brutal, but they do ease up every so often.

[Vkatt]

I’m sorry that you are going through this. No one can give advice without knowing your situation but my thoughts are with you. When I look back at when I was closest to suicide and was admitted to hospital, I don’t know that anything would have made me feel better at the time. At that time, I hated myself and my life so much that the only thing that kept me from suicide was the guilt of damage it would do to my family. I valued myself so little that I was thinking that I didn’t deserve the relief of death if it meant hurting others. I was afraid that soon the guilt wouldn’t be enough and checked myself in. I guess being afraid meant my situation hadn’t progressed to the desperation you are feeling and I’m sorry yours has. Sedatives helped and then getting my sleep regulated helped a lot. I still struggle, but there are things in my life that I would rather have than not have now. Small joys that are better than the black nothing of death and make the hard times worth enduring. Eventually I found kind people and realized there is good in the world too. Spending time with kids made me feel a lot better. It’s different for everyone, but there is a road that leads away from these feelings. Please ask for the help you need. You are worth it.

[Puzzled_1 in reply to Vkatt]

Thanks for this.

[Sprinkle1]

Been down that road, I suffer with clinical depression, have tried to "off" myself twice, once at 20 and again at 46. I needed the right med's and the care and love of understanding people. I just went thru a bad 3 year trip and was suicidal. I promised myself after the attempt at 46 "Suicide is Not and Option". It takes the right med for me and caring, loving support. I have been on a few antidepressants, unfortunately built up a tolerance after several years and had to change, some worked some did not!!! Right now I am on Cymbalta 50 mg a day, it takes care of the depression and the anxiety. I have a wonderful therapist who has been such a Great help to me. Used to go to her office, she would make me hot chocolate and give me big hugs. Now because of the virus she calls me twice a week and helps keep me sane. I am 78, no family here, my friends have died or are dying so I have no one to talk to. I keep very busy, have two lovely cats and am happy from dawn to dusk. All things change and or come to an end.

I am a believer in therapy, I learnt to love and respect myself, draw my boundary's, and live in the moment. I do not feel sorry for myself, I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved in my life, despite overwhelming odds. I hope and pray my med's keep working for years, my therapist is only in her early 50's so we should be together for a long time.

Do not give up on yourself, it is a hard road, know that and defend yourself. I recommend a Great book I read 30 years ago it helped me a Lot, by Dr. Scott Peck, "The Road Less Traveled", it teaches us a lot about ourselves and others, I love on the first line on the first page he says "Life if difficult", I said why did not someone tell me that when I was 16?*** Amazon has it used/new a very worthwhile investment.

If I can be of further help please email me. You have come to the right forum, we care about each other, offer support and love.......Sprinkle 1....sending you peace, courage, love and big virtual hugs.......

[Pink2pink in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you so much for your honest and caring reply. It’s very much appreciated and I hope you continue to live a long happy healthy life 💞

[Hidden]

because it wasn't meant to be. Your time on earth isn't finished. I hope life gets better for you x

[JPMcG]

P2P- just keep expressing yourself, continue to tell your story, tell your story to be set free. I know expressions come in many forms.

I’m sad and lonely everyday, I live alone in my state’s capitol city, the biggest city for miles, but still I am all alone. I often wonder how can I be surrounded by all these people and still be alone. What I’m saying is, these days my one form of expression is literally just walking and jogging every morning at my local park. I might be alone but at least I can express myself through the recreation, even if it’s just for an hour before I shut-in again until tomorrow. At least I have the walk and jog to sort of look forward to, you know. Find that simple escape to look forward to, even if it’s just like a glance at a flower or a vista. My local park is afright with all kinds of social issues, but I just overcome and create solutions like picking up trash and litter when ever I can manage. It actually helps me to feel like I have a purpose to save the wildlife, like birds and turtles and fish. I know that the only person I can change is myself, because I know those who litter are not going to change, but mainly due to their ignorance. I don’t blame people for their oppression because I just have to rise above, keep my chin up and remember we are spirits in the material world.

[Ihaveadd]

I know it's hard to do when you are down, but try to find at least one small thing to be thankful for and focus on that for 5 minutes. Do this every day for 30 days 3x a day and you will start to see the light again. It has happened to so many people who were hanging on by a thread and are thriving now. Just look around, one day it might be a puppy that you see, be thankful for that puppy for 5 minutes, then it might be a pretty sunset or the smile on an old person's face. Whatever is beautiful, light, and lovely, focus on these things and be thankful for them. When you focus on the bad, it brings more bad. When you focus on the joy, it brings more joy. I know it is hard, please try. There are also some biological things that are probably happening that you might want to look into, such as peri-menopause etc. Take good care of yourself. It seems the most sensitive caring people are the ones that get this low, and the world needs more of you, not less of you.

This too shall pass. Look towards the light and the darkness will start to disappear.