First time posting

[Simplysil1970]

This is my first time trying to reach out to others so I can gain some information. I have a few people that I talk to but I feel as if I am a burden. So I decided to venture out to see if this would help me. Last month my oldest 30 y/o assaulted me in my home, he shoved across the room leaving me bruised and hurt. We live together because rent is so high where we live. My other 2 kids are 24 and 16. I am basically shunned by all the 3 of them. They all stay in one room of the house eating, watching TV while I am left out without any interaction at all. I want to move out but right now financially I cant. I just wanted to hear other people's perspective and hopefully gain some insight. Thank you for reading.

[FearIsALiar]

Welcome to the group!! You are definitely not a burden. Why do you think that?

I’m so sorry about your son...you do not deserve that. I hope someone who has experience in this can offer some advice 💗 wishing you the best of luck!

[Nothelpless]

It does help. Everyone needs someone to talk to, and I have realized sometimes that person is not a family or friend. Post here and repost if you don't get a response. It is better than to feel alone in your problems

If you are being physically abused, even if it is a one-time thing, I think that it is better that you move when you can. Is there a family member (older than your 30 years old) who can intervene and talk to your 30-year-old? I think that intervention with him is needed, to re-establish a respectful relationship between the both of you.

I hope this helps, you can chat with me anytime

[Agora1]

Hi Simplysil1970, that is sad the way the children are treating you as well as disrespectful.

I'm sure there are a lot of households right now that are acting out because of the Pandemic.

I respect mothers of all aged children in keeping it all together during these lockdowns. But when you have grown children attacking you, this is serious.

I find it strange that they are all in one room and interacting with only themselves.

What anger lies behind this behavior. Short of the 16y.o. the other 2 are adults and need

consequences for their actions. Does the 30y.o. have other problems, issues with the law?

Something is making him take it out on you and I worry if this would/could happen again.

I'm glad you are here with us Simplysil. We are not professionals but there may be others

like yourself, being intimidated by their own grown children. This is a safe, caring site.

Please contact us anytime. There is always someone here to respond. If you are in danger,

please call 911. We want you SAFE. xx

[Simplysil1970 in reply to Agora1]

Hi: I appreciate your kind words. My parents are both deceased and I have no other family. I have a good friend that cares for me. If it weren't for my 16 year old I would move away today. I dont know what my next steps will be but I know that I cant trust the 2 oldest anymore. I'm very hurt the way they are behaving, and I never thought that things would turn out this way.Thank you again.

[Agora1 in reply to Simplysil1970]

Stay safe my new friend and know that we are always here to comfort you xx

[Simplysil1970 in reply to Agora1]

It really helps to know that. 😊

[Jodziebear]

Thanks for reaching out to this group, you will never be alone here. You are not a burden and I am really sorry anyone ever made you feel that way.

Have you always had this type of relationship with your children or was there a time when things were different? Did something change? Have you’s ever spoken about it? Its absolutely out of order that your son hurt you and you must feel so trapped 😔

Im sending you big hugs xx

[Simplysil1970 in reply to Jodziebear]

Hi: I wish that I knew what caused this to happen, i do feel very trapped and lost. I'm lucky to have a few good friends but I dont want to ask them for anymore help than they've already given me. The house we live in is in my name but it doesn't feel like home anymore. My friends say that I need to have a talk with them but they avoid me on a daily basis. My only consultation is that I will receive my ex-husbands pension so I will be able to move away and let them be on their own. I'm not sure what else I can do to try and figure this out.Thank you for your kind thoughts.

[Simplysil1970]

Thank you so much to all of you. I want to clarify that my ex-husband (their dad) passed away in July due to alcoholism. He left them (the two older ones) 8000.00 each and ever since they received that money I have been ostracized by them. I am waiting for my portion of his pension so that I can make a move. But in the meantime I have to stay in the house with them. When my son assaulted me I was so shocked. He has never shown violent behavior. I feel so sad everyday I just wish I had somewhere to go.I appreciate every response . 🌹💝💗💕

[c-mac in reply to Simplysil1970]

When the alcohol was removed from our life, my family fell apart. We had a truce, where dad would drink away his problems, mom would do everything we needed, and my sister and I could kind of be kids. But when dad stopped drinking it was every man for himself. I became an overachiever, my sister became a rebel, and now Dad was furious all the time. Then when I graduated high school and moved out, it got even worse for us because the dynamic changed again. I started having bipolar symptoms, my little sister refused to come home most nights, my Dad took a job in Houston and only came home on the weekends. My mom was the only person in the house.

My point is that dysfunctional dynamics are carefully balanced, and if one person suddenly leaves then everything goes haywire.

I'd get to an Al-Anon meeting and figure out what is going on with everyone. The people there will have gone through this, too. You can get a sponsor who will help you tease out how to be a good person yourself and how to find happiness so you can be a positive influence on your struggling children. It might also help you set boundaries, like: I love that my children live with me, but one rule is no violence. You break that rule and you are out. It may seem cruel, but it's a mother's job to let their children know what's acceptable. You'll be doing your son a favor by not letting this new violent way of coping creep into his life and ruin all his relationships.

Feel free to message me. Maybe I can help you find a good Al-Anon group.

[momofjust2boys]

So it sounds like you have a plan, just waiting on the timing-yes? I'm so sorry you are having to deal with hurtful children. I hope that if one of your children assults you that you will call 911. You are their mother no matter what and should be treated respectfully. Please post back and let us know how you are doing.