Yesterday during dinner with my mom and grandma, they asked me about my dad and why i didn’t like him. They had their reasons for disliking him but they didn’t know my reasons and why i had decided to give my mom full custody. I told them abt all the stuff i went through and how him and my step brother sexually abused me for years. a lot of it i can’t remember because it was so traumatizing (at least that’s what i’m guessing is the reason i can’t remember a lot of it). It was a pretty sad talk but it was a talk that needed to happen and i felt better after finally being able to tell someone after so many years of keeping most of the info bottled up inside me.
Well then my grandma came to me later that night and told me that the state we live in has no statue of limitations for sexual abuse against a child and she told me we could take them both to court. I knew her heart was in the right place, but her saying that kind of freaked me out. I remember next to nothing about what happened and i was so young. I have no proof except my word against theirs (and maybe my step sisters bc she was a victim too) but i know none of my family on my dads side would vouch for me, they would all back him up bc they’ve done it before when it came to my mom being abused by him. I think even after i get a therapist and work through everything and remember more, i would be way too scared to actually press charges. The process seems hard and long and i don’t want people digging through my life to try to find stuff to make me seem like a bad person and a liar. I’ve heard almost all bad things abt trials like that where victims rarely get justice and in the end their life is worse bc of the courts.
I know i don’t have to do anything i don’t want to but i can’t help but feel bad if i don’t press charges because they could do it to someone else. They could do it to their children and grandchildren and my cousins. it’s all so scary.
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ghostygirl
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You don't know what would happen at court unless you try! Personally, I would press charges, and ask your step-sister to testify about her experiences with your dad. If your step sister agrees to testify, maybe you could get a therapist and ask them to testify about your mental and emotional difficulties and how you have been affected by these awful events. Your mom and grandmother can also possibly testify to tell the court how you have changed because of the events that occurred. Good luck and let me know if you need more advice! I am rooting for you!
Ghostygirl, your courage does you great credit. I hope you can find within you the will to go ahead with your grandma's advice and show this beast and his accomplice that they can't get away with subjecting children to the nightmare you and your sister went through.
You should listen to your grandma and take them to court, surely they have a lot of more victims out there. I was sexually abused too by my mother's lover with her consent. You have her support, I got nobody.
Hi Ghostygirl. I'm thinking that right now, it would be helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse. That will help you heal. Sadly, many victims of abuse feel a fear of their abusers/and or a feeling that they'd "make trouble" for the family if they tell on the abuse. I hope and pray that you are healed from these experiences.
I'm not sure anyone can truly tell you the right or wrong thing to do, but please know, we ALL care and I, for one, do feel your pain in it all. Our family has sexual abuse by the hands of our father in our history. My mother didn't know the abuse was happening, but we all suspected she knew, just chose to ignore the signs.
I dealt with years of "what if" and "why us" type of questions to God, but as I forgave our dad and learned to lean on the Lord to heal all the broken pieces, He gave me the courage to go confront both my parents. With a whole lot of fear and courage coming straight from God, I was able to get the truth out into the open about the abuse that was at the center of our family's secret sins. It was horrific and healing all at the same time, like cutting a cancer out of the core of our family. He was MAD, he had planned on taking that secret to his grave and not ever telling our mom of his indiscretions. She acted very shocked, yet was quick to forgive him fully... it was all very surreal and strange... BUT... would I do it all over again? A resounding YES!
Our relationship was very strained for the next 10 years afterwards, but we didn't have much relationship before built upon lies. Now, it is beginning the new buds of renewed healing, based upon true forgiveness and healing, not forgetting, but simply forgiving and moving on in the path of life to start from hope.
Why do I tell you all of this? To say, what's right for you is whatever you decide. It's not about everyone else, it's about what you feel is right to do. What was done to you is tragic and awful and you have the choice of what you will do with it into the future. No more shame, no more being made to do things you don't want to do, just what you feel in your heart is right for you to do. That's it.
I'm praying for you my friend, healing and hope can be a very real part of your future. I found mine in Jesus.
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Verbally and sexually Abused 
I’m at my breaking point 
I can see why people give up. Possible TW
I am a shitty person 
I am new here - sorry if I don’t know what to do exactly
