I’m 17, nearly 18, and I just feel so ashamed of myself since I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Everyone else my age, and younger, are all dating people and have experience in dating, and I just feel so worthless and I feel like the only person in the world that’s never dated before. I also feel like the oldest person in the world to have never “done it”, or had a boyfriend. As I mention a lot in my posts, my social anxiety gets in the way of most of my day-to-day life, and I am working on it as I am currently going to therapy so I am definitely trying to work on myself and my self-esteem first. But I still feel very ashamed of this. I am also the last person in my friend group to have never dated and be a virgin. Also, whenever I’m in a group setting or group conversation and people start talking about relationships, I always lie and say “yeah, I’ve had a few guys in the past” or “yeah, I have a boyfriend/currently seeing someone” because in the past whenever I’ve told people I’ve never dated anyone, they would act so surprised and say stuff like “are you serious? I would have thought you have by now” or “how are you still single” and it’s so annoying, that’s why I started lying about it.
But anyways, any advice? Hopefully I’m not the only one who has never dated before, or has never “done it”. Lol
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Chocoholic_18_x
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I was 21 before I dated/kissed/had sex and honestly I wish I had waited a little longer because I did it just because I thought I was getting too old 😂
And I think there are a lot more people out there like that than it seems because like you do (and I did), they lie because they’re uncomfortable
Hi! It is okay that you haven’t had a boyfriend or haven’t had sex. If anything you should be proud of yourself. I know most people who aren’t proud of giving themselves away to someone. You have to be careful doing that.. please don’t be ashamed. I know how you feel because I actually was the same exact way! There’s no shame in being a virgin. Whatever you do, DO NOT RUSH into a relationship. It will only cause problems in the end. Work on yourself and learn love yourself! I’ve lied about these things as well but you know others could be doing the same thing because they are ashamed! The relationship I was in only caused MORE stress and problems for me. If you choose to get into a relationship DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE AND DO NOT LET A MAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.
I’m in my twenties and never have “done it”. I have had a boyfriend though but it was long distance so we never did anything.
Although I am way older than you, sexual exploration was part of my life at an early age. The crowd I hung around was all about that. Had I been in a different group, the ones I met later, it would have never crossed my mind to be active. So I explored in middle school. I gave it up in high school and most of college. Had a bad relationship for two years. Then I gave it up all together. If it happens, it happens, for me, but it's been almost 30 years.
First, there is no shame. Shame is something so different. You can only feel true shame if your behavior was wrong. I know that sex is very predominant in the lives of teens, currently. I work with teens. I know a lot of teen moms.
I think you are feeling fear of being different. Lying about it may be making it worse, setting a bar for yourself that is unreasonably high. It will trigger social anxiety because you are avoiding reality.
It really is not necessary to have "done it" by some deadline. Accept your reality. I would even say, be proud of who you are. It will build your self-identity.
Do you have one good friend that you trust to talk about this with? Maybe he or she can help within the larger group by saying something like, "Hey that is ok. There is no rush." Or help defend you from the "bully" and speak up to the bully, "Hey, guys, it's no big deal."
If they continue to harass you, then maybe it is not a group for you. They are not accepting of who you are.
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There no shame in this. I wish I could take back the boyfriends I had at 16, 17, 18, etc. These relationships were learning curves sure, but nothing came about long term until I did a bit of living, built up my self esteem, learned boundaries are okay and needed in relationship, etc.
Peer pressure, the need to belong and be accepted, social standards, don’t mean anything, but you have to go through it to understand life and about yourself.
I think instead of feeling bad, you should feel lucky. Giving yourself to a guy that potentially isn’t going to be around forever usually results in regret, who like doing things they regret?
I did not have a boyfriend at all until I was about 25. I was so excited that I married him (little joke for you since it is true love). We are still going strong after 11 years. Don't sweat.
Its not about having "done it". You could end up not finding the right person and having even more issues. If you would see some of the relationships I have seen where people aren't happy or someone being verbally abused by significant other (not just women being abused but the guy being abused also). I personally didn't "do it" until I was 28. Like you I didn't have too many people that wanted to date me. I usually just hung out with people that weren't on dates themselves to try to at least for in. I know of one gal that wanted to do it and she has been burned a lot. Sweet gal but was in too much of a hurry to "done it" that guys took advantage of her. Your time will come and hopefully it will be with the right person who will treat you like a queen. 🌷
You have nothing to be ashamed of. If everyone your age was jumping off a cliff would you? Be proud and thankfull you don't have the issues that come with dating. Wait for Mr Right not Mr. Right Now. You really do have your whole life in front of you.
You know what not being allowed to date is great for me in my opinion it removes the heart break the breakups and all the bad things in bad relationships also Muslims don’t date so your not alone be proud of it not ashamed 😊
there's nothing wrong with your situation. I have 2 friends who are 24 and have yet to have ever dated anyone or lost their virginity. I didn't until I was 22 because I just wasn't ready and even though I knew my peers were way ahead of me, I didn't let that pressure me. Everyone's timelines are different and there is no shame in not having a boyfriend or being a virgin. It doesn't make you any less!
So you've basically described my life. I've not rushed anything, I've waited, enjoyed my life as much as possible and hoped for the best. Yet, at 42 I'm in the same place as @chocoholic_18_x. Severe social anxiety, never had a real relationship or dated or had intimacy with anyone. It never changed, sadly 😥
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What I am doing wrong that I still being having a hard to find a boyfriend?
I need help and I need to work on self love... I'm mentally exhausted but I am a winner and I'm never going to give up!
i want help
Why do I lie so much?
