People being patronizing due to my social anxiety. How do I stop this?

[Chocoholic_18_x]

Due to my social anxiety, I’ve been in situations where people have either been patronizing towards me, or they’ve told me that I come across a certain way and I need to change.

Like for example, my manager at work told me I look miserable, have no social skills and I need to be more confident. I agree with most of it, but where she said I look miserable, I just wish she knew what I was dealing with when I go into work, ✨panic attacks galore!✨ and plus I’m not really friends with anyone there (not that I haven’t spoken to anyone or haven’t given it a shot, but I just don’t open up to people that easily).

And people being patronizing: I feel like because people see me as this shy, awkward, nervous wreck, they feel that they can say whatever they want to me and can just get away with it, which frustrates me the heck outta me! Sometimes people can smile at me in a belittling way (fake smile), say “awww” to me ALL THE FREAKING TIME... also there are two coworkers in particular that I feel can be very patronizing to me, and talk down to me a lot. First, there’s a young girl about the same age as me, and she is mostly okay, but she always calls me “bab” and “princess”. And you’re probably wondering “what’s wrong with that?”. It would be okay someone who is the same age as my mother calling me that, but someone the same age as me saying it just personally feels belittling. And the other coworker, anytime I’m talking to her or telling her something, especially if it’s something serious, she never seems to be properly listening to me, and just responds back with stuff like “awww” “bless your heart” “that’s cute” and it’s annoying because she always speaks to the other employees with so much respect, and with me it’s just “that’s cute”. Also, there was a day where one of my managers was telling everyone that we were having inspectors in (as I work in a restaurant), and she would say to everyone else “the inspectors are coming in, I need you to do this/that...”, but when she told me she said it slowly like “Listen, we are having VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE in today, and I need you to work EXTRA hard today. Do you understand?” And it was like she said it slowly so that I could “understand”. So annoying!

Also I’m more anxious around people my own age, especially guys, since I’ve never had a relationship and honestly I’m just all-round pretty inexperienced.

My best friend is a lot more confident with guys, as she would be someone to literally walk up to a random guy and sit on his lap without even asking, or make out with him. I, on the other hand, could never do that. But there was this one time she invited me to meet up with this guy, and the whole time he was just talking to me like I was a child, and I had this a couple of times with guys where they would talk to me like that, also with girls aswell. It just upsets me because whenever someone talks to me like that, it makes me wonder “why are they talking to me like that? Is there something wrong with me? Am I slow/stupid without realizing it?” It upsets me, but angers me at the same time and I do try to come across as confident as I can, but I always seem to come up against this obstacle. It really messes a lot with my self-esteem and confidence.

Sorry for this long-ass question, I will definitely try to make them shorter in the future!♥️ thank you all for the support so far, it’s been awesome! Hope everyone’s well during this pandemic, WE WILL GET THROUGH IT!🤞

[Hidden]

Your co workers seem rude. Please understand, when anyone tries to belittle you or hurt your feelings or even try to offend you. It has nothing to do with you. Happy people don’t go around trying to offend or belittle others. I recommend giving energy to people who treat you right and talk to you with respect and they will notice it. Don’t give much energy to the way they talk to you. I know it’s extremely hurtful.. especially people your age who don’t make you feel like you fit in. That can be very hurtful. I personally couldn’t even picture another human being that way and there’s people out there that will respect you as an adult. I’ve always had weird drama at work and I’d come home and cry to my dad when he was still here and he’d tell me they were just jealous (of course I didn’t believe it) but maybe there’s something genuine about you that they don’t see in themselves so they treat you like you’re “too innocent”. This logic might not make sense but I hope I helped in some way. You deserved way better, you’re there to work. And being inexperienced with guys, I don’t think you’re missing out on much. I’ve dated a lot and every time I regret it haha. I hope you can meet someone who makes you feel comfortable enough to open up.

[fauxartist]

People will treat you the way they think you are projecting yourself. Some of the most self confident people are actually nervous wrecks, they just have learned to fake it. I'm not saying you should do that...but it's also okay to say you don't have to justify yourself to anyone, in ways like....'I'm okay with where I'm at for now'....or...'all is good for me, we are all a work in progress'.... Just don't put yourself in the path either of some of these people. Some who are not doing well in their own lives will seek out who they perceive to be the weakest link, and like any passive aggressive bully, find ways to put out little digs. Your not obligated to anyone but your boss. And I would have a talk with your boss about you doing therapy and that as long as your doing your job, that's the most important thing. Whether other people like or don't like you at work is irrelevant, unless your job is dealing with the public, then you may want to get some training on how to do the 'dog and pony' show many do for their 'public face'. Just be yourself otherwise. Who knows what goes on in other people’s lives, it's actually quite amazing really how many have a whole list of issues far worse than anything you would think.