hard break up

[ceez]

i feel trapped in my head. i recently lost my GF of four years because i wasnt paying attention to her. she lived with me and its like i barely talked to her because idk why my head wouldnt let me. i would call her babe and baby on texts but was too shy to in person. i hate myself for that because i know shes the right one for me. the one i wanna be with for the rest of my life. i would take a bullet for her but i just couldnt express all that love to her so she doesnt know that. i need help bad, idk if she ever wants me back but what i do know is that i need help with myself. help.

[Kat_21]

It's hard to open up about your emotions, if something traumatic happened in the past, that would make it worse. Did she try to understand/ help you understand why you're being disconnected? Have you made an attempt to open up to her? For a relationship to work, you have to both put in effort. If you love her, you're going to have to open up. Maybe to a counselor or therapist first, but you need to try because you're hurting her by not trying. I do hope it gets better.

[ceez in reply to Kat_21]

she cheated a year earlier but i gave her a second chance. from there i got mad at even little stuff and would start feeling some hate towards her but still loved her so much. i guess we both werent good at communication but i still feel i was worse because she would actually try to at least watch a movie or show. i never did that but i wanted to!! like i said i have all this love but cant express it. i would want to ask for a movie but couldnt. i feel like im in a bubble in my life. i want to do things but my mind wont allow me, im not motivated i have no energy. i wish i could go back in time and not be such a pussy