Life realizations

[JRS2007]

This may sound sad but it isn't really meant to.. But I think I've come to the realization that I'm supposed to be on my own. Doesnt mean I'm giving up on finding the right person and I know you can't draw all your happiness off of someone else.. But I'm feeling like whatever I had going on with someone who was and still is special to me is dissipating. I Can't keep putting myself out there when I have so much love to give and so much good inside myself and then not getting anything in return. I have always been independent but when it comes to feelings of the heart... thatll get me everytime..

I guess the part I'm struggling with is how many times do I have to learn this lesson... Makes it even harder when you work with the person and have to continue to see them everyday. I know we come out stronger and for the better even when you have to go through it several times.. but that low point you hit while trying to get through it.. Thats the hardest part. And the damned 24/7 anxiety and feelings of sadness over the particular situation and also the other underlying things it triggers... Those don't make it any easier.

[LJHope04]

You know, I was trying to convince myself of the same thing just yesterday. Believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. In all of my relationships AND friendships I have always given 100% just to end up putting myself 2nd which inturn, gives them the same idea so they too put me 2nd or 3rd or whatever... And I thought to myself how many times am I going to have to do this? There have been at least four times in my life where I have completely lost everything due to someone else's actions that I was with. I have had to start over and over and over. Just recently my "buddy" who I dated 5 years ago and only is my buddy when he needs money, a shower, food or whatever... decided to take my debit card and go on a gambling spree. Yep $2,600 later Im trying to figure out what I did wrong. So I grabbed a pen and paper and decided to make a list to find the common denominator that caused the failure or caused my having to start over.

It WAS something I did after all. here I'm thinking I did everything possible to make it work which I did there is one big common denominator.

I SAW RED FLAGS AND IGNORED THEM!! that's right and every single friendship and every single relationship. Whoa! So that changed everything.

It was usually within the first week and even the first 24 hours that I saw red flags in the relationship but chose to give them the benefit of the doubt or tell myself not to be so judgmental.. blah blah blah... All that did was cost me a lot a lot of money and time and heartache. So I'm looking at moving forward with a speed dating mindset. Lol

That way I don't waste any time I don't lose any money I don't have to start over but still get the chance to find the right one! Lol

So don't sell yourself short, definitely don't allow your mind to tell you that it's easier just to be alone because we all want to be loved and we all want to find the right one. Don't give up!! You deserve to receive love from someone who truly adores you and winks at you from across the room!