Realization of depression

I don’t think I have come to terms with or realized how truly depressed I am until tonight. This year has been such a hard year for me and I’ve been tested to the fullest. As of right now I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like there is absolutely no joy in my life and I’m so miserable all the time. Tonight I took part in some volunteer work for a fundraiser. I felt like I was treated like I wasn’t good enough for all the “ rich “ women that were part of this event. I felt bad about myself as they wore their $200 pair of jeans as I’m in my $20 Amazon Jeggings. I drove home thinking about how seriously depressed I feel and I’ve been trying to stuff it deep down inside but I literally can’t hide it anymore. I’m already on multiple meds to control my anxiety and nothing works at all. Makes me wonder why I’m even on all these meds, completely ruining my body, when nothing ever works for me anyway. I can’t get out of my own way and I don’t know what to do anymore. I literally hate my life.

[Sunf7ow3er]

Anxiety can make you think so many things. Don’t feel bad that you didn’t have expensive brands on. Remember money doesn’t buy happiness. Worry about you mental health first and for most.

[Hidden in reply to Sunf7ow3er]

Thank you so much. That is definitely true... it was just the way these people made me feel.. I, the poor girl, was volunteering to make the rich people richer. I just can’t wrap my brain around it...

[Chanshan]

Lot of us feel same way and absolutely no joy whatever you do. But still there is hope for us sometime in future. We need to hang around for others around us. I know how you feel. But just be brave and go on with life.

[Hidden in reply to Chanshan]

Thank you so much. I have just been pushing through life even tho this year has been horrendous. Tonight just made me feel so low.

[Chanshan in reply to Hidden]

Same here. My brain is hurting so badly. Don't know what to do.

[Sunf7ow3er]

Read my post please

[froggymom88]

Volunteering is a wonderful, loving and selfless thing to do. Good for you. The people you help don't give a darn about the cost of your clothes. If the others are doing or saying something that makes you feel badly about yourself, then they need a reality check but remember, we don't have to give others that kind of power over us. Love and appreciate yourself. Clothes and things don't make the person.

[Hidden in reply to froggymom88]

It wasn't really about my clothing... It was an example. I'm literally so broke and I was volunteering my time at an event for basically rich people. I'm a hairdresser and I did free hair for a handful of girls to be in a fashion show. they didn't appreciate anything and complained about it all. Then while at the event, you could shop and I couldn't afford a single thing. One piece of clothing was $70 or above... But that was like chump change to these people. I felt like garbage going home after working for free and watching rich people laugh in my face and drink their expensive wine.

[froggymom88]

It was still a nice thing to do and it doesn't change the fact that money isn't everything. Scripture says:In the end there are only three things that last:faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love. So if you are a person who loves others, then you are richer than all of them.

[Booklover0219]

I’ve been tested pretty hard these past few months and I can tell you that it’s probably skewing our perception of ourselves. The medications aren’t ruining your body. That’s just more lies the depression is telling you. Next time maybe you can volunteer at an animal shelter where you will feel a lot more love and appreciation. ❤️

[enigmaticide]

I get it. It's rare to find anyone that's completely satisfied with their lot in life. There is something I'd like you to consider; dissatisfaction is actually a good thing, hardwired in, in fact. Consider it a survival mechanism you may not have realized/accepted. A problem is simply incentive to try something new, to build upon yourself and grow.

Imagine for a moment that you had absolutely everything you could ever desire, provided hand and foot. Would this state of being lead to satisfaction? For a time, perhaps, but you'd eventually grow appathetic to the luxuries and blessings; you'd feel empty, stripped of all potential to grow. I'm not saying don't strive to better your life but, rather, appreciate that you have these opportunities to do so.

[Hidden in reply to enigmaticide]

You are actually right. There was a time in my life where I had it all... couple years ago.. I should have been as happy as a clam, but I wasn’t. Something was missing and I pretended to happy even tho I was miserable. Who knows if I’ll ever find real happiness in my soul.

[enigmaticide]

Good friends, good drink and a hobby you pursue for no other reason than it's something that YOU enjoy. That's my advise. That stated, I'm admittedly horrible with making/keeping friends myself; I'm a notorious shut-in.

[Hidden in reply to enigmaticide]

That's one of my issues. I haven't had a hobby in YEARS. I've made work my hobby. I just feel stuck right now.