Overwhelmed

[brandalina]

I wake up feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by being a mother, a wife, a functioning adult....the list goes on. Everyday is the same, I wake up but continue to close my eyes, not wanting to start my day wishing I could either sleep all day or pass in my sleep. I think about dying all the time, I don’t have a plan or anything, but I just think at least the sadness would stop, the crying would stop, the struggle to try and be happy and normal would stop. I honestly don’t even care if there’s an after life, just to have the suffering be over. Why can’t I be grateful for my health, for my family, for everything we have? Why can’t I be happy?

[greenpasture]

It sounds like you're going through a dark and depressive time. I totally relate to what you're feeling. I also often wake up feeling afraid of all the responsibilities I have and just want to go back to sleep. It's a struggle to get out of bed and my thoughts also tend to go down a downward spiral thinking that maybe this sadness and lack of energy will never end.

If this has been going on for more than two weeks, I highly recommend you see a therapist because this could be major depression and it's totally treatable! I've had three such depressive episodes in the past and each time I had trouble getting out of bed and thought about dying. BUT I also got out of it each time - it was a painful process but there is light at the end of the tunnel. What has helped me are sharing my struggles and thoughts with close friends and families, asking for their support or asking them to distract me when I thought about dying, talking to a therapist so I have the reassurance of help and hope, and also forgiving myself for being "lazy" or unmotivated because this is just a side effect of this illness and I should have grace for myself. Please don't blame yourself for not being grateful or happy. It's okay to not be happy sometimes but I have faith you will be and all negative emotions are just emotions - they will come and go.

[Mary-intussuception]

I'm so sorry for your losses of your Precious Baby and your Precious Dog. Also that you are so far away from loved ones - bereft.

You deeply regret the move and are so terribly unhappy there.

This can't go on, can it ?

Have you tried talking with your husband?

Have you considered your alternatives?

Maybe:

1) accept the current situation and do what you can to make it work.

Would this be possible?

2) Speak to your husband and look into getting back home.

Would this be possible? Could he speak to his employer?

We need to allow ourselves time to grieve. Healthy grief though, letting go of thoughts of blame and guilt.

Your beautiful daughter needs you too.

How often do you speak with your family and friends back home? Does this help?

I think and hope that you can overcome. We have to act though. Fight off the negative thoughts, be kind to yourself and your husband and, taking one step at a time, work this through.

xx

[Imgarbage]

It is your cycle of thought it is the way you think of your life and husband and about yourself. You got to be strong and break that loop Know you are not your thoughts and feelings don't let them own you. Free your mind of them and and accept the positive and practice gratitude for all things small and big in your life and most important realize your self worth. Realize that you are someone worthy of love and happiness I know it's easier said then done but everyday is a chance to get a little closer to finding that peace and happiness. And maybe it helps to know that you are not alone there are others out there like us struggling for that same thing. I hope you find the comfort you are looking for this day.

[littlenam]

Do you have a therapist or access to one? I urge you to find someone to talk to about this. Thinking about dying all the time is huge. People tend to talk/joke about it all the time, so we’re desensitized, but it’s really an internal emergency.

Posting here is such a good thing to do - connect to whatever communities you can for support- but don’t beat yourself up about “not being grateful”, because it’s incredibly, incredibly painful to live this way. In the same way it would be hard to appreciate your arm if it was on fire all the time.

I urge you to find a professional to talk to about this; even going to a clinic or an ER might give you resources to move forward from there. I’m so sorry you’re going through these feelings, it’s absolutely like living in hell. You’ll be okay, though. Just keep reaching out to whoever you can and don’t suffer this alone anymore.

[Thehighlowroller]

I totally get where your at, I feel the same way. A cycle you can’t break, thinking you can’t right anything or even talk to your own family. I started to think I really lost it, when morning comes I dread repeating the same crap. I don’t know what to say but I get it and your not alone. That’s all someone can do sometimes is just realize your not alone

[AnxM]

Mornings are the hardest for me too. And my mind will only let me sleep for a short time, waking me up before I am fully rested to say, "hey, you need to think about all these terrible things that have happened in the past...." It's a daily struggle. Some days it gets better, some days worse. Just want you to know that you're not alone.Like others have said, seek professional help.

Also helpful is mindfulness breathing/meditation. There are many videos on Youtube. It helps to connect you to the present moment, one breath at a time.

[Zhangliqun]

Do you have a diagnosis?

[Barbie72]

I wake up nauseus every morning....my GP said it was acid reflux and to sleep propped up or take TUMS. Sort of worked but my book next to my bed did more....it distracted me till I felt okay to get up and start my day. Queasy though. Then GP said to go to a Ears, Nose and Throat doc for the scope procedure down my throat......I don't want to do that. Now my therapist listened and said I don't need those things, it's probably anxiety, and to keep track of my mornings.I journaled for a few days and then realized "the body DOES remember". It started in October, the month my father died in my home unexpectedly and I found him in the bedroom across the hall from mine. This was 2 months after my mom died of an infection in her leg post surgery. My mom was buried on my dad's birthday, and my dad was buried on my birthday. They were both 72 years old. I am now 72. I think all this is sort of freaking me out, but on the other hand it all makes sense now. I'm bipolar, anxiety, etc.

Anyone else experience this?