I finally decided to tell my mother I am stressed hoping for comfort. I am living in my own apartment thousands of miles away from her and I am in lockdown and cannot get to her even if I really want to. I told her I would feel better by coming home, I know it's futile since I can't go anywhere. Her response saddened me. Think of the syrians starved and cold.
Thank you, mommy. Now I have another problem; guilt. My problems are so insignificant. And other people have it worse. Now I know for sure never to tell my mother of my mental health, I am terrified of her response for that. So this is why I never tell my family anything.
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rainbowshades
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I’m sorry you didn’t get a better response. Try not to feel guilty about it. I had a rough time getting through to my mom too. She tends to have answers that make me feel worse about everything, like, “count your blessings, things could be worse, children are starving in Africa...” opposite of helpful.😞
I have started giving her answers back to her. Like when she suggests making a Change to improve my depression, I say, “well maybe it’s ok for me to be this way, things could be worse, after all children are starving in Africa!” It really annoys her. 😆
Some people just don’t understand because they’ve never experienced it. That included me for a long time, before I had experienced depression. I hope you feel better soon.
Hello. Sometimes people in your family can be the worst ones to talk to. I'm so sorry your mom was like that with you. She might be going through some issues herself where she feels irritable and couldn't give you the compassionate response you were looking for. Maybe you could try to call her back in a few days and explain how hurt you feel by what she said. I don't know if she will understand, but it's worth a shot. I happen to be a 50 year old woman and I'm sadly at a point with my family where I feel like I shouldn't talk to my parents or sisters at all anymore, so I'm there too. If you'd like to send me a pm feel free to. We care on here!!!🙂
Agreed. It seems counterproductive to fight negative with negative. Telling myself that things are worse for someone else than it is for me just makes me feel worse about myself AND sorry for the other person too! Adding to my distress.
That’s why I try to keep positive thoughts in my mind. Like, there is a positive side to depression if it makes you more sympathetic and thoughtful towards others who are struggling. Or, look how strong that person’s struggles have made him/ her. Perseverance in the face of trials is admirable.
rainbowshades , unfortunately, some people even our close family members can be less compassionate. do not let this define you. just understand your boundaries for your heart. meaning that you now know how not to tell your mom certain issues. this is very important that you have learned this. for setting boundaries to even family members is vital for your own mental, physical, and emotional stability. I am learning this the hard way myself. believe in yourself. be patient with yourself. people with mental challenges go thru things that others do not understand the whys or how to help. give grace and mercy to her. and keep reaching out to here where true people care. also, try to look for support group like this that have similar need for understanding and help. I am here if you wish to talk more.
That must be so disappointing. Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, comfort doesn't come from the people we expect to give it. Your Mom is probably trying to cheer you up, but doesn't realize that she's missing the mark. You could really use some empathy and compassion.
Do you have a friend or someone you know who really knows how to listen and give helpful advice when it's appropriate? Someone who makes you feel like it's really gonna be alright?
That's the person you really want to talk to right now, or when you need a listening ear.
Sometime when you're feeling better, you might be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with your Mom where you can suggest to her what you feel you need to hear from her when you're down. You might role play and say something like, "Mom, if you were going through something really, really hard (like cancer or the death of a best friend or something), and you felt that you really needed to hear some comforting words, would it comfort you to know that there are people suffering somewhere else in the world?" You can think of your own way of saying it, hopefully without any anger in your voice or attitude.
She might see your viewpoint, or she might actually think that WOULD encourage her. (We're all different.). Either way, I think you and your Mom might have some more understanding between you.
I'm sorry you're feeling down and isolated and I hope you'll find a good friend soon, even if remotely, with whom you can have some sweet fellowship. God bless you dear one.
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