In need of support and a sense of community

[purpleflurp]

Hello,

The past year and a half has been the worst of my life: My best friend’s dog died from eating a toxic mushroom while he was in my care, I had pneumonia, my partner of eight years left me suddenly and without warning (which has been the hardest one for me to move past, as he was the love of my life), the pandemic, my friend passed away, I had severe tonsillitis, the fires, and my coworker passed away. On top of all of that, I have severe clinical depression and anxiety. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. On Sunday night while at work, I had a complete mental breakdown and was put on psychiatric hold in the hospital. I was told by the doctor that I would be sent to a psychiatric hospital on a 5150, but she agreed to let me stay with someone at all times and go through an intensive outpatient program. The outpatient program did nothing for me, it felt very elementary to me as I have been dealing with suicidal ideations and severe depression and none of that was mentioned at all. My doctor adjusted my medication and started me on Abilify, which has helped with the suicidal ideations. My dad is helping me find a reasonably affordable residential treatment center soon as well. I am just feeling so isolated and feel that no one around me understands what I’m going through, even though I have so much support. I’m looking for anything/anyone that might make me feel less alone right now. I go to therapy in person once a week, I started TalkSpace the other day, and I am currently looking for Anxiety and Depression remote support groups.

Thank you for letting me share.

[Eagle12]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much. You sound strong because that is a lot to deal with but you are dealing. Remember get up, put one foot in front of the other and keep going, and one day you will look back and see how strong you really are at what you survived.

[purpleflurp in reply to Eagle12]

Thank you so much.

[purpleflurp]

Thank you. I should rephrase, though. I did not actually kill the dog. I was watching the dog while my friend was away and he ate a toxic mushroom and I took him to the hospital immediately but he passed away. Dogs normally stay far away from mushrooms because of their instincts but he was the kind of dog who ate anything. I know it is not my fault that he died and I didn’t kill him but I still feel responsible and it still haunts me.

[Hidden]

Thanks for sharing! I take abilify and it helps me too. I had a terrible year 13 years ago. I won't get into it but it was so bad I wasn't sure who I was. I had to go to the hospital and it was so embarrassing. However, that was the beginning of figuring things out for me. It's been an exciting journey since then and I have brand new shiny friends that are amazing that I met either in the hospital or because of my symptoms. I had no friends before. You are lucky you have your dad to help you out. I had my mom. She was not perfect but did her best and I am grateful. I am not perfect but I am much healthier now than I was. I wish you the best.

[purpleflurp]

Wow thank you so much. That helps to know that someone is in a better place after things being so rough. I, too, have so many amazing friends but it’s hard because through no fault of their own they can’t relate to me. I’m glad I joined this group. Thank you again and take care.

[Cumbkkid]

Hey I just want to say that you are strong and a fighter, to have gone what you went through and still get up and fight takes alot of courage!!! I respect that!🌺

[purpleflurp in reply to Cumbkkid]

Thank you so much ❤️