Alone

[Llama00]

I'm always alone but sometimes I speak to a few friends I trust but not much lately. I know there's a lot of people on this site that care it's just hard for me to trust and always open up to new people. It's difficult for me to process how I feel I don't know if I want to make new friends or to feel more important to the ones I have. I feel like I don't really matter in life, I know you guys are going to say everyone matters but I don't think I do. I think if I died right now it wouldn't really matter, yea some people may be sad for a bit but they would get over it. I just hate always feeling like this every night.

[GymNeed]

You are not alone. Speaking for myself, I would love to be your friend. If I matter to my few family members I imagine you matters to a lot of yours. I need friendships but since I moved to where I live now some 30 years ago. I haven't made but one friend and now he is not my friend anymore. I am friendly with the few people at work but we don't hang after work. My only sister that lives in the same town as me just recently gotten married. I don't want to get in that so I stop talking as much so the get the grove of marriage. So now I am just alone. Never would have thought my life would have turned out like this. So again we can be friends.

[Llama00 in reply to GymNeed]

Yea my family probably would miss me but I just haven't felt close to them ever. Yea we can be friends.

[nic013]

i understand this feeling. i never know how much to open up to friends, and i lose touch with them so easily whenever my mental health needs attention. making friends is something i really want to work on but the older i get the harder it is to find them.

and yes, you do matter. you would matter even if you had no friends or family! you seem thoughtful and reflective here, so you are a positive impact on our world. we need people like you!

i do miss having more connections, but i found the more comfortable i become with myself the better i can be as a person toward others. basically i’ve been focusing on inward validation instead of validation from others, maybe changing your perspective might help you too?

you’ve reached out on here so i think you are already making progress opening up! things can change and you are putting the work in, i hope you can take some strength from knowing that!

[Llama00 in reply to nic013]

Yea maybe you're right about the validation but never feeling accepted or important still sucks.