I struggle with not wanting to get well - Anxiety and Depre...

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I struggle with not wanting to get well

AliceAnne profile image
8 Replies

I know that sounds ridiculous, my therapist says it has to due with my low self esteem issues. I sabotage myself because I am always so anxious/panic attacks and depression hourly. I also am a bit agoraphobic. I've been on so many meds and none seem to work, I don't understand why I don't work on getting better, I believe I'm scared to and I like being taken care of. Can anyone relate? Thank you

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AliceAnne profile image
AliceAnne
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8 Replies

Here is what I replied to a similar post:

I have been here too. Not wanting to get better has been a part of my journey with depression. The sad, depressed thoughts became normal for me in my teen years especially, so it scared me when I started making progress in therapy later on. When asked how I was feeling once not so depressed, even if everything was fine, I would pick out the one negative. I did this because I missed the attention -- attention I didn't think I'd get if I said everything was fine. I actually became afraid that my family would stop paying attention to me. So yes, I understand what you're talking about.

I hope this helps.🙂

AliceAnne profile image
AliceAnne in reply to

Thank you very much for responding, MinnieMouse! It helps!

in reply to AliceAnne

You're most welcome hon😊

Lazy_dog_lover profile image
Lazy_dog_lover

AliceAnne,

I think this is more common than you would think. My self-sabbotaging came from a fear of not knowing who I would be if I did not have the anxiety and depression, which made up a huge part of my identity. I have a lot of shame issues that I have worked a long time to identify, but it is so hard to change. There are still some days where I feel like I am the only guest at my pity-party.

There is less risk in continuing with the status quo, the familiar. Going to a new place, feeling new feelings, creating a new you is scary. If you like rollercoasters, imagine a new rollercoaster. It is intimidating. The first hill is huge. You see some people step through the car and exit without riding. Your fear increases. You choose to ride. It ends up being the best ride in the world. If you had chosen the familiar, feet firmly on the ground, you could not have gotten over the first hill and experienced new things. If you don't like rollercoasters, ignore that analogy. LOL.

AliceAnne profile image
AliceAnne in reply to Lazy_dog_lover

Thank you dog lover, I identify with what you said. I'm afraid of who I would be if I wasn't so sick, I wonder about that alot. Thank you for your insights.

AliceAnne profile image
AliceAnne

Thank you someone22, I feel stuck all the time.

AliceAnne profile image
AliceAnne

Thank you!

Klbf17 profile image
Klbf17

I am glad to know that I'm not alone. Peace to all.

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