I still want to get really drunk

[Bluejug]

I'm feeling much better now. 3 weeks into setraline and life is much much brighter than it was only one month ago.but I still need a drink or ten. Is this normal? And I know it will affect my meds but when I drink 7 carlings every Thursday night and it has to be 7 only as I have work the next day it makes me think am I an alcoholic as well as depressed? I try to promise myself every Wednesday that I will refrain but I just cant. 😖

[fauxartist]

Being in recovery myself, I can be blunt....yes...you probably are an alcoholic, that's not a judgment, just an observation. Whether you’re drinking to oblivion every chance you can, or having the 2-4 drinks a night after work and then going into work every day. There are black out drunks, and functioning alcoholics. There is no one size fits all, it effects everyone differently who has this disease. 1 in 3 people with the disease of alcoholism also have the disease, a separate one, of depression...it's called 'Dual Diagnosis'. And alcohol being a depressant....well....you can do the math....

We need support to stay sober if you want that in life, for me it's a no brainier, I'm not a good drunk....my depression kicks into high gear on booze....so I don't drink...ever....I can't...it's a death sentence for me. And as crappy as life can be sometimes, it's much, much worse being drunk. It's the same shit different day when you sober up, I just feel worse cause I have a hangover and my wallet is a bit lighter, it's an expensive indulgence.

No one likes to admit they have this disease, society is extremely alcoholic phobia because of their own proclivities and guilt and blame and shame, and denial around it. It makes no sense to me really, it's okay to promote the sale of booze, but not heroin or crack.....they can all kill you just the same. But that's the world we live in....so being anonymous for me makes my life simpler. I don't like to give shit heads any fuel to target me with my mental health or addiction issues, I feel bad enough having to survive them.....people are good at seeking the lowest common denominator with cheap shots, so I don't give them any fuel.

[Bluejug in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for your honest reply. Can I ask what you do/did to beat the urge?

[fauxartist in reply to Bluejug]

honestly.....I had to get really really busy with a bunch of people in meetings....no I don't advocate any one group or another for recovery, but for the first couple of years, you really do need a support system. And most will tell you it's a life long thing to do meetings. But I have have always also had my mental health issues that have to be equally addressed. If you don't work on the problems that your drinking to obliterate, they are waiting right there for you when you sober up....so I needed a better solution.

I will always have the urge when I have an exceptionally shitty day....but the thing I remember first is the worst day being drunk or hungover, and that along with knowing it changes nothing....stops me now. There are always going to be hard days in sobriety with life's ups and downs, and taking the easy road to drinking and using is always a dead end, literally.....so it's a choice you have to make for yourself. You have to really commit and want sobriety because it's a hard hard road at first....and you can't do it alone. For those of us who have issues with being with a bunch of strangers, believe me, in meetings you all have the same thing in common....

Where there is a will there is a way, cliche as that sounds my friend, but you literally grab your ass with both hands and push yourself forward with sobriety. You make your recovery how it best works...you don't drink or use...ever....and you find support for the days you just need someone to hold you up, you get a list of others who will be supportive from these groups, and just be somewhere with others who want the same thing on those really bad days....you don't even have to talk....just listen. Stay out of slippery situations, and slippery places and bring the body, eventually the mind will follow. I don't do religious groups, but some find help there. I wish you all the best, ...and my advice is this;

Be honest with yourself....because we are really good at lying to ourselves and others about our intentions....but really.... your only lying to yourself.

[Bluejug in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for the time to reply. X

[limacenter]

drinking is not going to help your situation, it could make it worse. it take time. find someone you can talk to and it will help you thru it better than a drink. you probably do not think so right now but I been thru it believe it does not help

[SirGrits]

Hey Blujug, hang in there man. I can't add anything to fauxartist's response. Try and set your mind to this battle. It will be fought when the urges hit, when your days are worst. It may never be easy, but it will be easier. Prayers.