Isolation stirring up childhood trauma and loneliness

[DiscoFirefly]

Hello everyone. I am new here and am battling a bout of depression again. Quarantine gave me a lot of time to think, since I haven’t been able to sleep normally. Has the isolation caused anyone else to suddenly realize all the childhood trauma and pain they carry, and suddenly it’s heavier than before? I’m feeling very alone in this and don’t know how to let go of the pain I carry. From childhood, teenage years, and now adulthood. It just feels like the weight gets heavier and harder to manage every year. I am so tired.

[Hidden]

Hi DiscoFirefly, the isolation made me ruminate on my past too in a bad way. I am afraid that the more we think about the bad experiences of the past, the worse we feel about them.

So sorry you have been the victim of trauma. I can’t advise how to heal from that, but you said you are not sleeping well... have you tried getting some regular exercise? Maybe it would help with sleeping better and distracting yourself from the negative thoughts?

[DiscoFirefly in reply to Hidden]

Hello. I’ve tried to exercise and was doing it so much I recently sprained my ankle. It was the only thing that helped so far. One of the things I cannot grapple with from my past is the lack of love and affection my mom gave me. I haven’t heard from her in over a year, despite living in a hot zone. Even my siblings have said over the years they never understood why she was so cold and malicious to me. It’s been hard because it’s one friendship I always wanted but will never have. I’m not sure how to let go of those feelings and not being able to leave the house has made things so much worse mentally. I feel I’m unlovable and how can I not feel that way when my own mother doesn’t want me in her life. I never did anything wrong and am always the first one to admit wrong and apologize 😔

[Hidden in reply to DiscoFirefly]

Oh I hope your ankle heals soon so you can get back to the exercise!!🙏

That’s hard I wouldn’t know how to grapple with that from a mom either.

It sounds like it is her loss if her behavior towards you is so cold. It Doesn’t make you unlovable. You have got good relationships with your siblings? Other family? Maybe you can use that to help your self esteem. It’s good you reached out, you can talk about things here anytime, there are lots of listeners here.

[DiscoFirefly]

I’m sorry to hear that. Are there things you can do to make it even a little better?

[thara9643]

There are things that you can do to try to help yourself. Are you seeing a counsellor or not? It can help you to actively cope better. Sorry to read that. Try doing exercise often as well. A new hobby might be what you need too.

Art is the ideal hobby for those who have mental health problems. Maybe try contacting a few different mental health teams by email or over the phone to find out more about how they can help. Ask about a urgent referral. Hugs. Set up a meeting to see a qualified good therapist in your area. Seek out recommendations from others on Facebook on local therapists and counsellors.

There are many published self help books available free of charge at your local library or you can buy some online from Amazon etc. Alternatively you could embark on a self help course. Good luck to you. Try to take care of yourself as much as possible. Are you on antidepressants? That may help you to feel better. A good therapist will listen to you.

[sochel]

I too had a mum who was very cruel to me and not my siblings, I am 56 now and spent my life feeling worthless and unlovable, many years of horrific depression, pain and suicide attempts. She died in 2016 and I thought I would feel relief, but I did not. It was only last year when my stepfather died and I found out she had cut me out of her will that a light came on in my head, I eventually realized how many people do love me, I have 3 beautiful girls and a lovely husband now, and good friendships, I am lucky. I would like to say to you I know the pain of if the person who gave birth to you can't love you how can anyone else, but our mum's are the ones with the problem not us. You sound like a beautiful, caring person, please private message me if you need to talk more, and take care, you ARE worth it.

[Hidden]

Hi, I think lockdown has done a similar thing to many people, even those who have never suffered with anxiety or depression before. It has given us too much time with our own thoughts. One thing I learned to think differently about parents that caused us pain or trauma was to see them in a different light. I’m not saying it takes away from what they did to you but it gave me a different perspective. It was to see them with their own pain. Most have had their own trauma or pain which in effect made them how they were to you. It can sometimes help you to understand why they did what they did and ease the burden of wondering what you did wrong. But keep sharing, knowing you are not alone during this rubbish time helps. 😀

[Kamp2020]

I totally understand. This quarantine has really given me too much time to ruminate on my past. I've got a wonderful therapist and he has encouraged me to journal which has helped. I've also taken up dot art which is a good distraction.

[Hidden]

I understand what you said about the quarantine. At first when the virus appeared, there was optimistic news about it being managed soon, but of course this did not happen, and the time is long since then. I totally feel the same way as you do. I think all the time about how my life has been one big continual bust. I will just mention one thing that always works on me: constant bullying and hate even from my family. No, I am not exaggerating or focusing on the bad, it was all bad. I too find myself ruminating on that almost constantly and feeling so hurt and angry. Do you have anything you like to do, something that has made you feel better in the past? For me it is writing, reading, beading craft, jigsaw puzzles. Most of the time now I have no interest in these. I have to really push myself to get out of bed. I wish I could more helpful, maybe being in sympathy may be a tiny bit of help. Many good wishes.

[texasbonnet]

In isolation there isn't much to distract us. So I think it would be natural to feel the full impact of past abuses. When I sink into a cloud of depression, I try to find someone to talk with. My conversation don't have to even be of any importance. Can't do that now, so I use my phone.

I am sorry your childhood was abusive. You deserved so much more.

[Hwhme]

I experienced trauma and an unhealthy relationship with my parents. I got copies of my doctor’s notes and found some of them very reassuring in as much as they made it clear that my parents had their own issues. It helps me to tell myself that if they did their best, I could not expect more. It makes me realise that it was not personal and very little to do with me but more an expression of their own resentments and experiences. I wish you well.

[Vickyjean]

Yes it sure has and Tuesday I am in therapy to finally learn how to separate the fears now that we’re and have been attached to. Try to get outside daily, you can wear your mask and get some nature for at least 10 minutes a day if you can. Sending hugs and it will get better.

[HisDaughter]

I am very sorry that you are suffering! I strongly recommend meeting with a counselor for help with depression and traumas. There are counselors who are providing services online. I have experienced depression and traumas too and I know that it is very difficult and painful and things don't get better if you don't seek help for healing. Sometimes you have to take medications. Maybe you won't have to take medications. I tried Neurofeedback, which helps a lot of people The important thing is to get help. You have suffered a lot. It is very unfortunate that your mother has not been supportive and loving. But you can experience healing and wholeness if you do what is necessary for yourself. I wish you many blessings.

[justme20]

I am also in that place. This go around has definitely been different than any time before it for me . Too much downtime with anxiety ptsd and depression is just not a good line up ever. New challenges seem to show up daily and I'm out of ideas . It seems that I am completely isolated even when someone shows interest in my health all that is doing is making me feel more isolated and misunderstood. I thought I was a pro at surviving and then here I am literally isolated and doing very bad at managing anything. Just know you are not the only one. Sending what peace I have your way..

[muffinshit]

Dude yeah I totally feel that, I’m still a minor (17) and I’ve realized that my childhood is riddled with trauma especially since I have to be with them at home and I notice patterns. It’s very scary and I’ve picked up many unhealthy coping mechanisms. There are so many memories that my brain just blocked to protect me and while I don’t remember them exactly, they come to me in dreams and in the way I react to certain situations. Wish you luck

[samack]

Wow. I just put up a new post on this. There is specialized treatment in this area now. Exercise, diet, meditation, etc. are all good things, but they do not sufficiently treat CPTSD, what it is formally named now. I didn't come to the realization how much it affected my whole life, and I am now 62. Get in there now, the younger the better. I feel alone too.