Has anyone suffered from a childhood trauma? I was young when my mom committed suicide. Which years and years and a decade later, my anger, depression, and anxiety have been at its worse. My mom also suffered from bipolar and postpartum. Fortunately I have my dad, but he’s the only one I have, who gets me the most. No friends or family understand how hard it is to live this way and wake everyday wondering what kind of day will it be. My friends and family call me lazy and just a bummer because I say no to doing most things. No concern on there side though. Not looking for sympathy, just understanding. But I also have distanced myself from people who do not understand my mental illness. Unfortunately that’s including family and friends. I joined this to find people who feel how I feel, who has a hard time day by day. Stay in my room most of the time. But I also joined to help people feeling the same too. Love to exchange story’s and just share coping skills.
Anxiety & Depression - Childhood Trauma - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety & Depression - Childhood Trauma
Yes, I have had bad things happen when I was a kid.. First, my father was physically and emotionally abusive. I mean broken bones abusive. I was 5 when he was caught with the neighbor's teenaged daughter....in flagrant. I heard everything the night her father came to accuse mine. They had a terrible fight, but my father was young and strong. Hers was not. We gad to sneak away in the middle of the night so he wouldn't be arrested. …………...then, when I was still in elementary school, I was walking home on a dirt road that ran through a forest. 2 men on a truck tried to get me into their truck. When I refused the one pulled out a rifle and jabbed it into my chest. So, yeah. …………………………………………………….I am so sorry you lost your mother that way. AT least we can talk about it. I couldn't say what happened before.
Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sorry as well, with all you had to go through. I feel that since I didn’t process it when I was younger, I’am now. I was to myself and didn’t really cry. I was around 12 when it happened. Been in therapy all my life though. How did you process your trauma, if even. How is it affecting you now? Wondering if you had any helpful tips. Do you suffer from anxiety and depression as well? I mean I also feel it’s something that will never go away.
I don't think I did process it. I blocked the incident with the men in the woods. The abuse, in comp class I wrote a lot of poems that accused my parents. They read some of them, but didn't realize I was writing what I knew. I mean, one poem was titled Preacher Man! As an adult I wrote a song titled, "You'll never Stop." (You'll never stop being a victim.) I had insomnia which got worse every year. Years went by. My siblings all praised my father as a good man. I couldn't get on that bandwagon. I was nice, but not blind. My sister was once berating me for not "loving" my parents, when I had my very first flashback. I was back in those woods with that gun jabbed into my chest. I was so angry then. My parents did NOTHING to find out who those men were, and less than nothing to comfort me. I have done an on-line search for the girl my father preyed on. I know where she lives, and am deciding if I want to reach out to her.
My doctors all say I am depressed, I just feel flat. Anxiety? Yes. I cannot stand to leave my home. When the memory came to life I started to feel things again. My older brother just died, so the memories of my younger brother's death came back. I also never cry, but I cried then for my younger brother. Someday I will have to cry for my older brother, but not yet.
Wow, I couldn’t imagine having to relive that in your mind. I hate that our minds won’t shut off! & I also can’t imagine my family not believing me about the awful things you were put through. Who did you turn to? Not having anyone? I would of not have made it through. You are braver than me. We all go through things, but you never realize how much people have had worse than you. But when dealing with trauma, obviously we were going to have mental illness. Does your family have a history of any mental illness? My mom suffered from bipolar depression, and postpartum & my sister has personality disorder and anxiety. So kinda runs in us.
Want to say though, my deepest sympathies to your loss of your brother. Going through that and then on top of everything else, of course, I wouldn’t wanna leave the house either. I don’t mind leaving the house for things or errands, but I tend to hurry through it and get home. I don’t like to drive far. I tend to spend everyday in my room, unless I have to cat sit, which I do part-time, or go get food. I’m outgoing, but very introvert. I don’t like big crowds and some certain activities. Even my best friend doesn’t understand my mental illness, she & others think I’m lazy and just a bummer. I don’t have motivation, but that’s due to my deep depression and anxiety. So I have no one I can talk to besides my dad which is really my best-friend & talk to you now. Ha What do you tend to do at home? What are some of your interest? How old are you by the way if you don’t mine ask? Are we allowed to tell each other our names? Haha I don’t know the rules.
Also did you tell your siblings what was going on and they just didn’t believe you?
I had some childhood trauma and I've started going to ACA meetings, live and by phone. They also have some online meetings. There's no cost to join - they ask for a donation to attend meetings, but no one is turned away due to lack of funds. They have some books that they study/read from (4 books I think) that cost about $35, but aren't mandatory. I've found the meetings very helpful - supportive, nonjudgmental, and hopeful. You move forward/progress at your own pace - there aren't any dealings/time requirements.
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)/Dysfunctional Families is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of men and women who grew up in dysfunctional homes.
We meet to share our experience of growing up in an environment where abuse, neglect and trauma infected us. This affects us today and influences how we deal with all aspects of our lives.
ACA provides a safe, nonjudgmental environment that allows us to grieve our childhoods and conduct an honest inventory of ourselves and our family—so we may (i) identify and heal core trauma, (ii) experience freedom from shame and abandonment, and (iii) become our own loving parents.
Very much appreciate the info! I will definitely look into it. I think that’s definitely good step in the right direction. Thank you.
Hello, OutgoingIntrovert. I just joined. My childhood traumas crop up for me every time I slip into depression. Bad thoughts and rough images saturate my brain at these times. No matter that I am well connected in my community, have very close friends, have a loving husband and two teenaged boys who are doing very well, I still have thin skin that allows others' nasty, rude behavior to seep into my bones and re-harm my self-esteem.
It's time to seek therapy again. I'm too old to be playing this same record. I grapple with a sense that my life is less meaningful to others than it really is. Always the negative overshadows the positive. Can't shake it. So I have made the call to a therapist, left a message, and hope to get actionable recommendations in order to clear these cobwebs.
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