Grounding Experience

[HeartLove2]

After 6 months keeping ourselves in quarantine, I took our two kids on a road trip to visit my sisters. The children (8 & 7-years old) did well traveling. The drive from FL to PA was interesting. Then a drive to WI, too.

During this time in late august, I had the opportunity to make several observations. Viewing firsthand the activity in hotels while traveling on the road, visiting my niece's college during school fall activity / dorm move-in, & in the homes of my sisters considerably helped me to feel grounded. Staying with family was a huge comfort after being so isolated! My family of 4 relocated to Naples, FL about a year ago. I (we) didn't have time to make a community here before the pandemic hit.

We started our children with virtual learning on 8/31/2020. However, there were too many challenges; plus, they are too young to be sitting with only computer interaction, in my opinion. They've been back at school and seem better for it. My sanity has greatly improved. My anxiety has decreased having kids out of the house.

That's said, while I was traveling I noticed that my anxiety and depression dissipated; most likely that's because I fit easily back into a community setting with my sister. My psoriasis symptoms disappeared. That was a real discovery.

It seems my marriage is so toxic that it's causing stress. I'm constantly troubleshooting the relationship with my husband. While I was away from him for almost 3 weeks, my skin cleared up. When I returned home the psoriasis flared up and my skin broke open within 24 hours of being in the house with my husband. There is so much unresolved conflict in our relationship. My husband is unable to be vulnerable, unable to apologize for the most basic human errors, it is just a calamity of small things that diminish the bond in our marriage. Can anyone relate?

I find that he dismisses me in several small ways each day. When I try to connect with him emotionally he is unavailable. I knew the marriage was an issue. I had no idea it was SO toxic that I'm just sitting in this anxious, toxic position causing myself harm. I have to post this information because surely as time passes I will forget the experience all together.

So I booked a plane ticket to go visit a friend for a long weekend!!!

[Iammesues]

I’m married to an ass too. I stay in my room all day and night. Does he question when you leave?

[hypercat54 in reply to Iammesues]

See my reply.

[HeartLove2 in reply to Iammesues]

Things seem to get escalated during the pandemic period we've been sleeping in separate rooms. So yes, I've been isolating myself in a room. Otherwise, I find reasons to leave the house.

Hubby does question when I go out, checking where I go. He also questions why I travel like to visit a friend for the weekend. He uses anger as a tool to manipulate. I manage our finances, so that's not a problem.

It's living with a person who is disengaged and dismissive that is draining me to an unhealthy state. When I make plans to leave, things get a little better or someone near me says, "but he's not HITTING you" - which infers there is no abuse or share the "it's not that bad" mentality.

Much love!

[Iammesues in reply to HeartLove2]

I’m in a similar spot. How can we gain the courage to leave?

[hypercat54]

Read the link I put in my post as it might help you.

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

[Iammesues in reply to hypercat54]

Yes this applies to me

[hypercat54 in reply to Iammesues]

It also tells you good ways to deal with it without staying in your room 24/7.

[HeartLove2 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks for taking the time to respond. As I take a deep breath, I must admit now that I am for sure in an emotionally abusive relationship. Our marriage is downright toxic. I can't spend any more of my own energy trying to fix the other person. What a joke to look back at all the ways I tried to accommodate his needs and completely ignored my own. Yikes. Really, thanks for helping me along and sharing what you've learned.

Love & hugs!

[Iammesues in reply to HeartLove2]

My marriage is the same. I’m sad for us both. How will we spend our time on this earth? Will we smile like other people do?