A Somewhat Decent Day

[evilspicy]

It seems a rare occurrence, but it actually has been a decent day. I slept solid thanks to the higher dose of Mirtazapine (had a really great dream where I was hanging out with Fleetwood Mac, Lol!). I was able to catch a Veteran's gentle yoga class via Zoom. I had been a little anxious about interacting with people that way, especially since I'm not that tech savvy, but I found it really helpful. Felt wonderful on my back and I realized that I am carrying so much more tension in my body than I ever understood. I mean, I knew that my emotional stresses translated into physical tension in the body, but I never knew the extent. I felt like a slab of concrete! I am definitely going to try to do that every week. On top of that, I managed to drag my butt out of the house to the gym for a killer arm workout AND got some errands done. I know you guys know what I'm talking about, but for anyone who's never struggled with the anxiety and depression, they will never know the impact that having a "normal" day can have. I am so beyond grateful for the fact that I'm not struggling to get through today. We never know what tomorrow will be like, so I am celebrating the big and little things today. Wishing everyone peace and sharing the positive vibes.

[bonkers65]

Glad you had a good day and are feeling better.

[Iammesues]

I admire your strength

[evilspicy in reply to Iammesues]

Thank you. I don't always feel very strong, but days like today give me a little hope.

[Iammesues in reply to evilspicy]

You’re a superhero for those like me challenged with putting our broken pieces together to get up off the floor

[evilspicy in reply to Iammesues]

I hope that things get better for you. Wishing you strength for the challenges.

[Iammesues in reply to evilspicy]

Tell me what motivates you

[evilspicy in reply to Iammesues]

Honestly, I still struggle with motivation. Every day is it's own challenge and I never know how I'm gonna feel when I wake up or even from one hour to the next, but I've always been pretty much self-motivated. I accomplished a lot while I was in the Marine Corps and the values that were instilled in me still keep me motivated to always do my best at whatever it is I take on. I've made a lot of heavy mistakes in my life as well, and those bad decisions and their outcomes also motivate me to do my best to be as healthy as I can be. I never want to get to the low point I was at when I made bad choices that hurt myself and others, so I am always mindful of my mental health so that I can be as wise and as kind as possible in my decisions. Even though I am far away and isolated from most of my friends, I have a best friend on the other side of the country who is a nurse and she helps me from time to time when I am feeling down. I also am in a long distance relationship (challenging, but worth it) and the person who I love more than anything else on this planet is intelligent, kind, caring, and hard working and they inspire me every single day to work hard at being a better person. Outside of these things, the one thing I circle back around to is this: in 2016, I came a hair's breadth away from losing my life when I was trapped in a terrible house fire. I lost everything I ever owned and by all reasoning and logic, I should have died that night. I managed to escape being trapped with only some second degree burns on my arms (I had to literally walk through a wall of fire to get out and I am beyond lucky to still have my face). Prior to this, I had been a fire fighter for 4 years so I intimately know how bad that fire was. Deep inside me is a knowing that I was kept alive by the powers that be. I am alive on this earth for a reason, one that I am spending every day learning and trying to figure out. That motivates me to be the best version of myself that I can be to honor the gift (even when it's a challenge) that is my life. I'm motivated by being a provider for my loved one and by offering support to others. I pray more now than I used to, and I keep an open mind, always looking for the magic and beauty that exists in small moments: listening to the birds sing in the morning, the feeling of finishing a tough workout, a text message from a friend. I thank you for this question, because contemplating it has renewed my gratitude today. Sending positive thoughts your way.

[Iammesues in reply to evilspicy]

Wow, you’ve been through so much. You are inspiring to me

[evilspicy in reply to Iammesues]

I'm glad to hear that some of my story could be helpful. We all go through challenges and struggles and it helps give meaning to our lives when we can motivate or inspire others on our way. I'm grateful for the interaction with others that I get in this forum, as it helps me get through the tough spots in the day.