Am I allergic to anti depressants?? I've tried so many over the years, starting with a tablet called melleril, this was was when I was 18yrs old. It worked really well, until I had some lager and it really knocked me for 6 the next day! I couldn't leave the house felt pure dread and never took it again. I'm now 43 yrs old and have taken citalopram, which worked OK after 5 days, but again I had alcohol and bang! There I was again, just feeling terrible, feared of going out. It is my own fault I understand that point for drinking alcohol. I kept packing in the alcohol feeling the anxiety again intensified, then started it again and it worked again after 5 days but it was never really the final product I wanted it to make me. I lost my brother 10 years ago and took an overdose of 84 citalopram, some zopiclone, cider and lager and really did want to die. Long story short I went to hospital and was completely out of it... They let me go home and I slept for like 3 days... I went back to see the doctor and over the yrs I've tried venlafaxine, citalopram again (but it never came close to how it did before the overdose. I've tried mirtazapine, sertraline, fluoxetine, and never felt better some of these I have to admit I took for a few days but they made me feel really bad, even more anxious than normal. I have again started to take mirtazapine 15mg and have had it for 2 nights in a row having agreed with the doctor that if I'm not feeling well without meds (I am on propranolol 40mgx3 daily but because, they work differently and not as effective as time goes on I am taking them as and when required, but have been taking all 3 40 mg tablets at once, when need in the past, quite recently).
Anyway, back to the mirtazapine, I have not left the house since starting them, I feel like I don't want to be around or near anyone and the world outside seems like a place I don't dare go... Like a rabbit in a hole with a field full of foxes or dogs... My anxiety is really sky-high, it's high without them and it is h as Rd for me but now even with 2 days on mirtazapine I feel like it's a million times worse. What's going on with my body, I've often thought that because of the overdose (10 yrs ago now) my body is somewhat rejecting these ad's like there is some kind of chemical imbalance in my body...? I've mentioned this to my doctor many times, but she has said that that is not poss3... The major factor in deciding to again try the mirtazapine is the lack of sleep. I've in the last year had major bouts of sleeplessness it comes and goes, but can last for months where I only sleep for an hour here or an hour there even when I've been going to the gym and really overworking my body to the point I feel like sleeping but can't still! So here I am on day 2 ready to take my 3rd tablet later on tonight. I'm really considering trying to get out (and I know I really need to) and go for a run see if exercise and mirtazapine will change how I feel I would try propranolol also but for the effect it has on my heart and running seems like a dangerous combination. Can anyone recommend or understand what's going on with my body...? I have tried diazepam a number of times and tbh it works perfect in the short term but only benefits me the day after...? Nobody seems to understand how that is... But it's not an option as the doctors won't prescribe it to me and tbh it doesn't work the same way long term... I'm at the end of my tether puts it very mildly... I'm not going to do anything silly but I'm living in a world I don't enjoy, feel at ease and against a rock and a hard place.... Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks
Rock bottom
Extremely depressed n need help 
My emotions took place
High school is a lonely place
hard! 
