Trying to adjust

[JDinFL]

My living with bf/fiance has been a drug addict on and off for 25 years. He went on a 2 day binge about a month ago over the weekend, enough that he couldn't go to work Monday or Tuesday. Go figure come Wednesday he's fired. He was my high school sweetheart although we ended up on different paths. I got married, raised my kids and we got in touch about 8 years ago. He had been sober for several years. 3 years later I left my husband and we've been together since. After about a year in he started using again, I didn't even know, I wasn't raised around drugs other than my hippie family smoking pot occasionally, and I've never used hard drugs. After losing his job, he stayed in bed depressed for a day, nothing new, been there with him before. He gets his last paycheck which was only for a couple of days and starts what ends up being a 4 day really bad bender. Almost $300 in 36 hours. I'm not a religious person, I don't knock you if you are, I went to church as a kid, grandfather was a preacher. Right now Im somewhere between agnostic and atheist. All I ask of anyone is not to bible thump me. But back to that weekend, something happened to him, he can't even really explain what, that led him running from where he was at (very actively doing drugs), but when I say he ran, he left his truck and ran, on foot for miles. Middle of the night, raining, someone stopped to see if he was ok, he'd fallen out in the median at this point, he accepted and it ended up in a wreck and arrest. His point of view, "something, took the veil off, I could see all my sin ang begged God to save me and help me. I thought I was in purgatory when everything was happening and was sure I was dead and on another plane.' He was raised catholic, however hasn't practiced it in years. Now he is praying constantly, usually in his head. I have 5 years of emotional scars, borrowing money for groceries, getting payday loans for rent, never knowing when he walked out if he would make it back. Promised me a hundred times he was done. For him, a light switched, turned him in the complete opposite direction. He considers everything before that 'then', everything after 'now'. I can't let go that easily. How do I deal with his change, which yes was needed, when it's only been 3 weeks? He expects me to lock the past away, not forget, but quit holding on to it. Am I crazy for thinking that 3 weeks is a small amount of time to let go of 5 years of hell??? I literally just got my own anxiety and depression (bipolar, type 2) under control. I have no clue how to turn the fear I lived with for so long off. I do see a change in him, but I don't think I've seen him more than 45 days sober in years. Thoughts, suggestions??

[Sillysausage234]

What drugs was he on when he saw the light ?....sounds fishy to be honest ...don’t let your guard down