Crippling anxiety and depression

[Lolaxx]

For years now anxiety and depression has burdened me unable to cope from teenage years I turned to drink and drugs by 19 my liver was beginning to damage from excessive alcohol family called me horrible names because I was always drunk but I was secretly hurting so much I wanted to end it, I have suisidal thoughts but I don't want to die I just want the pain to stop, cause I honestly believe that would kill my family even though I think they dont care at times I hate myself so much but I also think everyone else hates me I'm 26 and I cut sometimes when I'm in a rage I'm so crippled with emotion that I truly can't function all I've wanted. Y whole life was a boyfriend and a baby abs I was beginning to feel it would never happen then last year I met a guy and had my first baby boy I was overjoyed at first but throughout the pregnancy I felt how can I look after a baby when I can barely get myself through the day my boys 4 months old now and I love him to bits but my depression and anxiety is reflecting my abilities to be the parent I know I can be and ill end up losing him if I can't keep my own mind afloat then I'll properly end up in the gutter medication just isn't working I just wanna be happy because I've got everything I've wanted and I should be happy but drink and drugs still grips me and helps me settle myself

[Hidden]

Sorry you had to go through that. Anxiety/depression sucks a lot but we are able to manage it with help and experience. Please don’t hurt yourself. You’re so loved 💕💕

Do you go to therapy?

[Hidden]

I am so sad to hear of your pain and struggles. It takes courage to speak truth. It takes great courage.

[Sasical]

Your story is practically the same as mine, just that I started drinking and drugs at 13. I went to rehab 5 years ago. By giving up drink and drugs my anxiety has decreased sooo much and no depression. Do you know that alcohol is actually a depressor? It causes depression. Rehab and staying clean is not easy but if you're prepared to put the work in it's SO SO worth it BUT changes don't happen unless you change something.

If you can't do it for yourself start off by doing it for your baby and in the end you will also be doing it for yourself.

Take that first step...you can do it xx