Cant lose weight due to not being confident enough to go outside for a walk. I have crippling anxiety about going outside due to fear of being seen!! I just want to give up!! I can't take it anymore. I've got to go to Wal-Mart around 10 am this morning and I couldn't be more freaked out. Ppl will stare me down with very cruel looks and it sends me into anxiety that's horrific!! I usually get pissed the hell off and say what the f--k is your problem? Excuse the language! I'm just so tired of ppl making me feel sooooo horribly about who I am. I don't want to get into a fight with someone out in public but that's how sick and tired I am. Anyone else get stares from others? I don't mean a quick glance I'm talking stare you down for 5 plus seconds and some even turn around and keep giving me the evil eye!! Needing help on how to deal with ppl who do this!!!!
Crippling anxiety!!!!!! ππ΅ - Anxiety and Depre...
Crippling anxiety!!!!!! ππ΅
You don't need to walk to lose weight, losing weight is more to do with what you eat.
Here is the link to the weightloss forum on HU.
Maybe they can help you.
healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...
Thanks jimmy!! Ill check it out!!
Maybe they are checking you out. Maybe they are jealous of your looks. I know it is easy to say, but ignore them. Don't let them have that power over you.
I sometimes put in earbuds and wear sunglasses when I want to tune out the world.
Thanks Marshall its not cause in person I look like a freak and its harder now cause I used to look so much better just a few years ago. After smoking again my face got super saggy. Got serious jowls from it. That's why my anxiety is so bad. Plus I gained 80 pounds from quitting smoking last time!! I'm just a disaster now. So they're giving me pathetic looks. It just drives my anxiety way up and I think I'm never leaving home again. I wish I could just put a pillow case over my head. Then I could just be left alone!!!
Plus I've got to go to Wal-Mart in an hour and my anxiety is already insane!!!
Ld dogs you are not a freak nor do you look like one from your photo. Your looks is what you are focusing your anxiety on. Until you can start understanding this you won't make any progress I'm afraid. Speak to your counsellor about it as I don't know of any way to get you to see this. x
I'm trying not to care what others think but I will give that a thought about what you said. Thanks.
Good that is progress. Then you need to work on your (firm) conviction that people are staring at you because they are horrified by how you look. Now I consider myself pretty normal and the people who would attract my attention (not horrified or cruel looks though) are:
1) People who are very obese
2) People who are dressed inappropriately ie wearing winter clothes in the summer or who are not properly dressed.
3) People who fit my stereotype of someone who could be a danger to me ie youngsters with leather jackets etc.
4) People who act strangely ie talking to themselves, acting very furtively or nervously etc.
5) People who look strange ie elephant man (extreme example) or had bandages on. Or who was very tall or very short ie out of the ordinary.
None of these would I look at with contempt but maybe uneasiness, and try to avoid them.
Now that is pretty general and I cannot see myself giving nasty looks to anyone with sagging skin on their face unless it was down to their knees! x
Hi Lovedogs51511. I hope everything went well at Wal-Mart. I know it's hard when we don't see ourselves as beautiful... You are a beautiful, caring, sweet person- we see it here. You are beautiful where it counts... hope you realize that. π
Oh your to sweet!!βΊβΊ I'm back and I held my head up and did my best to not care and got thru it!!! Yay!! It went ok today. I was full of anxiety sweating feeling like I wanted to run home but just got thru it as fast as possible!! Thanks for your kindness melbrown!!! Hugz
Love dogs, Glad that's over for you and you are back home. I don't know your size but I have battled weight issues and low self-esteem most of my life. When I see an extremely obese person I always feel sad cause I know what it feels like. I'm an "acceptable" fat at the moment. That's from my point of view. I could still be judged. Mean folks are out there. They're not happy till they're making others feel bad. I'm glad you held your head up and got thru it. We all have a place in this world. Not many people feel really good about themselves. There's always some external things we hate about ourselves. What's inside is what counts. I know we hear that phrase all the times but it is sooo true. I may not like my outside shell but I now know I am beautiful inside. I had to work at it to get to this point tho. Hugs to you!
So true your absolutely right Lyn. Lol my moms name is Lynn!! Too funnyππ I to have said we all have our place here and its true. When leaving home its hard to keep saying that to myself that,I deserve to be here just like anyone else. I weigh 211 right now and its driving me crazy!! The crappy this is that my new adhd pill adderall makes me crave junk foods like candy and eggs. Its like being pregnant with these strange food cravings!! Lol. Like you said mean ppl are everywhere and they aren't happy until they make you feel awful. So sad really. Thanks for your kindness too!! Hugz
I can't give any advice about dealing with people, except to ignore them and just concentrate on your shopping. As to walking, I walk for 30 minutes each day inside my home so that I don't have to deal with weather conditions. Also there are simple exercises like touching your toes, knee bends, leg lifts, etc. that can help you lose weight, gain strength and can be done inside your home.
Yea I walk a lot in my condo but I still need to go walk outside. I just wish I could put a pillow case over my head. Would have no problem then!! Lol. Yea I got thru shopping by ignoring ppl. That was ok. Ill just keep trying to get outside. All I can do thanks for your message!!βΊ
Going outside is one of the most important things that we can do for our mental health, so of course I understand why you feel like walking outside. Maybe sitting outside would be helpful until you can get past the anxiety of actually going for a walk and encountering other people.
Yea maybe I can try it cause I'm wanting to go for a long walk everyday to lose this weight. Sitting for days on end is horrible!
What I see from your picture is gorgeous green eyes, lovely blonde hair and a beautiful smile. Keep your chin up and keep smiling.
Oh your too kind!!! I don't think so but it's something that is hard to accept. Thank you for your kindness also. Everyone's so caring on here. I just love the ppl on here!! Y'all are so supportive and I'm eternally grateful to everyone!! Have a beautiful evening JamieππβΊβΊ
If only people around us were as kind and understanding as on here right? O and congratulations on quitting smoking! Wish I could
Exactly ppl outside this site are just mean. Oh thanks but I'm losing my mind and craving cigarettes. Trying to forget about it but life is total shit right now and just want a cigarette to ease the pain. Being that I can't I hate life even more!!
Sorry to hear that. I been miserable lately looking for a job. Got laid off in Feb. This is not fun at all. I started a new job and quit after 2 weeks. People training me were so rude. If I asked a question she said she already told me and that I wasn't listening to her! I get so upset and my feelings get hurt and start crying. I have zero self confidence right now
Have you ever heard of the south beach diet? I lost 23 lbs on it. Basically you eat no carbs and no sugar. After the first 2 weeks it amazing how you lose your cravings for sugar and carbs. You can Google it to check it out
Oh I'm so sorry your going thru a hard time too!! Ppl suck like the lady training you. What a mean person!!! She's obviously got problems!! Not you its definitely her!! But yea I know it hurts really bad cause ppl have been doing that crap to me since I was born. I get called stupid, fat and ugly so yea ppl freaking suck ass!! Sorry but they do. Did you find another job after that one? I've heard of the diet. I've never been able to follow diets. I end up eating bad no matter what. I'm fully addicted to sugar and carbs so to go from sugar addiction to no sugar would make me crazy. I just need to get out and walk. I haven't due to my crippling anxiety. I'm agorophobic and its terrifying to leave home. I don't want to live this way anymore!!!
Yes suck ass is right. Yes got another job haven't started yet had the drug test this morning kinda dreading starting afraid same shit will happen
Oh congrats!! Yay!! New job! So shitty cause I can't work. It will be good to boost self esteem for you. Screw those rude type bitches!! Easy,to say I know. They are only on the planet to make others feel like shit cause they are miserable$! Screw them! I have a feeling this job will be greatβΊβΊ what kind of work do you do?
Thank you love dogs I hope so
I do cnc machining
I'm 58 and need to work a few more years until I can retire. I can't wait. I would rather spend the days doing my crafts, spending time with grandkids and my dog. My husband is older than me and will be done working by the end of the year I'm jealous
That's cool you'll be able to retire. My folks just retired at 70. Then my mom just got a job at Kohls moving freight off trucks!! She's now 71! I haven't worked in a few years now. What kind of dog do you have?? That's cool you'll be able to do stuff with your husband and grandkids when you retire. I don't have anything in life. Never married, no kids and just have nothing to live for. Don't even have a dog. Anyhoo hope you had a great day.
71 and still working? Wow I give her a lot of credit . What do you mean you have nothing to live for? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? You are young I believe? You have your self to live for and your future.
My dog is half pitbull and half boxer. I adopted her she was a rescued dog. She's a big baby. We had German Shepards before her. After losing them ( we had to have them both put down because of hips) it hurt so bad that we didn't want to go through that again so we went 4 yrs with out a dog then we finally got this one. We love her she is great but there is something about Shepards that are extra special at least to me. The first one we had was Rockywe had him when kids were small he was 11 yrs. Then we got Max and had him for 12 yrs. Still to this day we talk about them and miss them like crazy. Writing this almost brings tears to my eyes but anyway we got this silly girl Maggie May and we love her too.
I take it you love dogs too?
Omg I miss my shepherd lab mix!!! They are my favorite dog ever!!! I haven't had a dog since I lost her also due to bad hip dysplasia. She couldn't even get or or stand she would just fall down. I just wanted to die with her! Now its been 7 excruciatingly long years without a dog and so life isn't even worth living. Sorry to hear you lost your shepherd too. They are the coolest best friend you'll ever have!! I love pit bulls too. They are great dogs. I'm 45 and have nothing just about homeless if mom wasn't helping me. I feel like a total loser. These illnesses are preventing me from working. I'm sweating severely bad to just add to my fricken misery. I just cannot handle it all anymore its to much to handle!!! Future what future? Nothing ever goes good are you kidding me? Ill be in hell then too. Its just that every time I have hope God kicks my ass and makes definite sure nothing but shit happens for me!!! Never ever fails not in 45 years. Why would it change now? Oh about missing dogs, I say good morning and goodnight to my girl Cheyenne still 7 years after her passing now. I could cry too! She was a water dog big time due to the lab in her. She was super strong, playful, fun and went everywhere with me.
I'm sorry you had shit happen to you your whole life. I sometimes feel like I've missed out on life because I'm scared to do a lot of things. I've been on medication for years and had lots of therapy and it has helped some but the anxiety and depression is always there just under the surface.
So true it is always there! I've missed out on so much due to being scared like you said. I totally understand that. Yea today is a totally shitty day and my mom just made it worse!!! Started crying so she gave half a hug then took off. I'm like thanks a bunch for no giving a shit. Go live your blessed life screw me. I asked her verbatim why,the f--k did you put me here? I didn't ask to be here!!! That was like an hour ago. Sick of her crap. So just another fabulous day I guess! Hope your day is going good!!βΊβΊ
Hi love dogs π I have 2 dogs, my oldest (16 year old min pin ) has heart failure and cancer so it's been rough. Okay. I so relate to you. I thought i had Bdd (body dysmorphia) for years but I think I just don't feel good about myself. I've had bouts with agoraphobia and major anxiety but have made it to 50 surprisingly ππ. So....you give such great advice. I know ...so hard to take our own advice. You know what the worst thing about when we feel people looking at us (no matter why they are) is that we let it affect our whole outlook about ourselves. I can't understand to this day why that happens! Why should a persons opinion I don't even know matter so darn much to me?????πππ I use to bounce back from rude people so much faster but now that I'm older it is so much harder. So I want to address about how to handle people who stare but I'm all over the place because there is so much else I related to but here goes nothing lol. I have a good freind who is disabled and for sure people stare. The times I snapped back is when it's just tooooo long of a stare. I mean I get when people look because they feel sorry or have compassion etc. But too long is too long. I am the nicest person you will ever meet but push me too far and I will not be so nice. π‘ I also notice people staring at me too but it's because I'm so self conscious and have low self esteem that I notice. But again, I get it. But again ...we have to consider the source . Some people were not raised with morals and manners and don't think at all about staring as rude etc. Maybe we could nicely say.."obviously there's a reason you continue looking can I help u with something?? I know girl .......I've told people off but unless they totally deserve it I usually feel bad about it later. Only a few times have I felt like because of what people said or done they deserved it. I guess we can't make people be nice in this world so we have to say " it is what it is " or "so what". I workout every day. I have to to get all the stress and anxiety out. I do walking videos at home with Leslie Sansone. They are anywhere from 10 minute to 45 minutes and are so very uplifting...you gotta try. I just put utube in my phone and watch my favorite tv shows while I exercise. The time flies. I also walk the dog and mostly where I can avoid people. I gotta tell u something I think u will get. I was walking my younger dog Dylan (half shibi inu half golden retriever ) he is beautiful I will give u my Facebook page if u want to see π Anyway he is a little out of control (kinda like his mom lol ) and we were walking and he barks at everyone and everything close to him. I mean I have great neighbors who have dogs he likes but he even barks when he sees them. Anyway we were walking and this lady was straring and staring. I mean it was forever. Anyway I kindly said "hello". And she just kept staring so I thought...." maybe she is hard of hearing and maybe I shouldn't take it personally ". I then said super loud and kinda rudely. "I SAID HELLO". I don't know why I feel the need to try to teach people manners but it is not possible and brings the worst out of me. I think it's from being treated not so well after years of giving and loving in both my relationships, family relations, and friendships and not getting much in return. I hope this wasn't too long and that you got what I'm trying to say. Oh yeah, I eat super healthy and have worked out since I was 17 so I can help u with super great ideas on great snacks without the sugar and u will say when I do go back to sugar and carbs weight comes right back. II know u love it though and darn it we only have one life lol. I have to because of my health situation. π
Lol I love what you said!! All of it oh man I can totally relate!!! I don't know what to say but wow thank you so much for taking the time to write!!!ππππ So you understand the extended staring! I say, whatever kiss my ass under my breath to ppl that stare like that due to being sick and tired of it. Its everybody that passes by me that I'm like what the hell am I so freaking disgusting that I can't go out in public??? I feel so disgusted with myself and feel weird when outside my apt that I feel better never going out!! Oh I'm soooo sorry to hear that your dog is in pain cause dogs are my life. I can't believe it 16 years old!! Wow that's a long time for a dog but definitely not long enough!!! I lost my best friend 7 years ago and I still say good morning and goodnight to her everyday still. Tell her I love and miss her! I haven't had a best friend in 7 excruciatingly long years. I definitely want a dog again. I'm lost without my girl Cheyenne. So my β€ goes out to you and your min pin!! Hugs. What your saying makes sense but my stupid brain tells me I'm disgusting, fat and stupid. So when I go out if possible I feel so horrible and then when ppl stare I just feel like more s--t. I can't take it anymore. I've been called every name in the book by evil mean bullies thru school I guess I think those things are true. I know their wrong but its hard to not say these things to myself now 45 years later still doing it. So what you say makes sense its just hard how I let these rude ppl get to me anyway. Oh I'd love to see pics of your dogs. That will brighten up my day like you did already!! Its nice to not be told its all in my head. Cause its pretty hard to imagine someone staring so long and even turning around still staring! Its pretty obvious to me that its not in my head. I just wish it would stop!! Anyhoo its a good idea to take my phone to watch a show so I don't get so bored on walks well when I can get out. Hugs and loves !!!
Lovedogs....You are so awesome. Wanna know why????? You are in a lot of emotional pain like me but u choose to try and see the laughter in it. I have so many crazy stories that would make u laugh. So no matter what remember the fighting spirit u have. I can almost see it ππβ€οΈ I am so sorry about Cheyenne. I love that name by the way. Rip beautiful baby. π’π’π’. Love dogs ....I feel I will literally lose it when I either have to put Freedom ( that's the min pin) to sleep or she passes. She had several scares and on meds etc but she loves me so much and I feel even though i have people who love me in my life that she is the only one who truly loves with all her heart β€οΈ! And the anxiety when I have to go deal with the vet etc. I don't even help myself with my medical issues half the time and here I am getting super strength to help her. I know how u feel about yourself totally. I had the bullies who called me fat (I'm not just not stick thin) or other names and it stuck with me. I get it. I can't even share what I was called its too embarrassing and mean because I get compliments too so I know it's just some people's perception to see me as ugly and some not. But you know lovedogs when it's said once to us it's hard to forget. I use to tell my mom I was bullied (she died 4 years ago and she wAs beautiful I mean really pretty ) and my mom never had a mean remark said to her. So I guess I always thought unless your beautiful u don't matter SO NOT TRuE!!! Our hearts matter, how we make others feel , who we make our family and good times we share and on and on. See lovedogs I see beauty in everyone. I can't see how people could call others names. Unless u hurt me and then I see ugliness you know??? I am a cna in home hospice and I see a lot of name calling and bullying in the older people too. See..people think it stops in high school well it doesn't. And I'm not saying I don't see the beauty in people and life and I will never stop being kind or giving love and that's my total reason for waking up. But people can be mean. I do notice I take it more personally (I never show it or tell co-workers etc unless I really really trust them which is rare ) then other co workers. They can get called ugly or fat and they just blow it off while I will l get offended cuz I guess deep down I believe it about myself. Much hugs and loves and thank u too so very much for writing back and sharing. You have no idea how much that helps!! β€οΈ
Omg your way to awesome, sweet, caring and very supportive with your story!!! Omg are we sisters? My mom too is gorgeous and almost 72 years old. Plus she just got a job here in Utah moving freight for God's sake!! She's of course stick thin and I weigh 210. Same as your mom mine never ever ever gets called names!! Its only beautiful, wonderful etc. Oh my dear I'm sooooo so sorry your mom has passed. Rest in peace dear!!! I totally know know how that feels too! Damn we are identical twins maybe separated at birth lolππ I'm also a cna. Well as soon as I go thru classes again due to losing my certification in las vegas cause I couldn't afford to renew. Home hospice yes that is beyond awesome!!! You go girlπππβΊSucks I've got to retake classes but to relearn 8s good too! I've taken care of the elderly since I was 15!! 45 now. They have always meant the world to me. That's why it feels like we're twins. Same job, sounds like similar moms, we love dogs and being nice to ppl. How much closer can we be?? Wow!!! Plus we're sooooo π coolπππ You made me laugh so much!!ππ Yea I agree with what you said about adults being mean. A few years ago I was at a CNA school and was called stupid right in front of everybody. I quit that week. Couldn't stand the assholes in that class!!! Then took classes again in Vegas and no one wanted me in their groups so I'd basically have to ask can I be in your group and the teacher would ask them to accept me. I mean c'mon I never did anything but be nice in life and get shit done to me. That's just in the last 7 years I think. Adults are just as horrible as little kids. Its like we're all supposed to be grown up? Yea right!! I too take things super personally but after 45 years of being hated I'm getting to the point where I just straight hate everyone I see stare. Its like mind your own damn business!! Oh thanks for saying that about Cheyenne cause she's still my world even tho she's gone but never ever forgotten!! β€ I'm here whenever you want to talk if freedom doesn't get better. She's gonna be ok!! I'm praying for her. Hugs freedom you are loved by your mom so much!! I'm here to talk whenever you need a friend ill be here ok!!! Your such a sweet, caring awesome lady,and I Soooooo appreciate the time you've taken to talk to me!! πππ Your a beautiful soul and that's why your a CNA and damn good one at that I betπβΊπ
I'm crying and laughing at the same time. Funny I haven't heard myself laugh out loud in a long time and it felt great. You know what lovedogs.....I was the class clown back in school always talking too much and laughing and getting in trouble. I knew I wasn't the pretty girl but I was alright with if and just loved everyone and loved life. You made me think about that it felt so good to laugh. Ya know??? Cuz as hard as I laugh is as hard as I cry. If u ever get the chance there's a speech by Jimmy Valvano. He was a college coach and found out he was dying. He gave s speech on how to just love and laugh and cry. He's Italian (so am I ) and I just thought it was really really great. Heck I cry when I see a video of a military person coming home to there dog after 9 months of service πππlol. Thank u slso for saying those kind things. It made me feel great πβ€οΈπ Thanks for your condolences about my mom. It was literally the toughest time of my life and though I was in recovery from alcohol (I also had an eating disorder in my teens) when my mom passed I lost it and turned to alcohol to self medicate. I was in a bad bad way but thankfully came out of that darkness. One day j will share it ....she ended up on life support....it was horrible but now I look back and I'm okay with it. It's a part of life that we all must go through ππ. Yes your mom sounds like mine. Excuse my French but she sounds like a reall ball buster and class act at the same time. My mom was in real estate and slso very involved in the Catholic Church. Someday I will share stories with you. I'm so glad you have your mom β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈ So your in Utah???? Hey we are both in the United States. I'm from just outside of Chicago, Illinois. Wow and you totally do the same work!!! So you are no stranger to being pooped on lol. I can share So many many stories with u. Ive done this for 16 years. Before I was s secretary in a steel company and bartended on the weekends. I will tell U someday about why and how I got into being. A cna β€οΈ I'm laughing so hard about your story about the crappy people in your cna classes. You know I'm laughing cuz I get it. If I was there they definitely would not have done that to you trust me Lolol. I am super protective and cannot stand bullies. I will tell you s quick story. I was downtown Chicago at a fair. There was tons of booths and vendors selling stuff. Well this homeless man stole a tshirt and was putting it under his coat while all if a sudden the owner of the tshirt stand came running up to the homeless man and started beating the heck out of him. I said "hey hey leave him alone ". People were all standing around letting this homeless man get beat to a pulp by this muscle bound huge guy. I mean the homeless man was sickly already he didn't need s beating. I yelled again super loud and ran up to them and said " stop it u will kill him ". He finally left the homeless man alone. But I won't sit around and watch people get mentally or physically abused π Thanks so much for praying for Freedom. β€οΈππ. She has so much wrong but u know us cna's. We can make magic happen with good care ππππππππ. She has a lump the size of a peach on her leg that's quite scary , a bad cough and had seizures in the past j think we got s handle on do its crazy!! Oh Lymeforyears is basically I have Lyme disease π€π€π€. Got it in Michigan from a tick bite helping a freind clean his property. It's awful and its caused anemia low white cells , thyroid , and tons of health problems on and on and on. I was totally healthy and now I have the blood tests of an old sick person. Not just an old person because many of them are healthier than me.lol. But I have the same attitude that j have for my dog Freedom. I don't concentrate on bad blood tests and bad news . I take one moment at a time but let's just say it's been really rough. Okay lovedogs, Same for u!!!!!!! If u ever need anything anytime I am here. I don't judge I just will be there to listen or offer any advice that you ever need . I am so glad that I met you and will keep u in my prayers too. You know what you are?? Tina Turner said it in a song "Simply the Best". β€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈβ€οΈ Are u singing????? Very good lolol....or if your fluent in Spanish ....muy bien lolol. Oh yeah. What I know about Utah is there are Mormons there, you can ski and aren't the Osmonds from there ? Obviously I don't know much lol. But I'm sure it's girgeous !!!! I stayed at Ceasars Palace in Vegas and they were across the street at the Flamingo. I love love love Vegas!! I lived in the Smoky Mountains in east Temnessee for 5 years in my twenties and loved it!! What is the weather in Utah??? Now when the weather comes on I will look what's going on where your at lololololππ. You know the saying "I've fallen and I can't get up".....well "im talking and I can't shut up"!!!! Lol.
Woweee!!! Just love when you write me!!βΊβΊππ I don't know where to begin. Woke up and read what you wrote busting my jelly bellyπ I was smiling but laughing so hard almost peed my pants!!! I so wish my mother had your sense of humor!! She's so boring. Manly like. π² I'm so sorry that you have Lymes disease. That sucks you got it from a tick!! Oh my names Kacey. Thanks to my mother!! Dam her!! Ill check out the video. I get so excited when a soldier comes home too and the dog see that person and just goes crazy!! Isn't that awesome!! That's so cool you stood up for the homeless guy!! Rock on sista!! I love the homeless personally. Grateful for anything they get cause I would talk to some of the many homeless ppl in Vegas and they were really nice. Can't say that for the rich assholes tho!! Oh I only lived in Vegas for five years but hella cool!! That's cool you went to Vegas!! Have fun?? That's a stupid questionπ Course its a blast!! Love, love, love Vegas too! Moving to Utah has been boring. I'm in St. George, Utah. Only 2 hours from Vegas. The weather is super hot in Utah but doable in the winters kinda like Vegas. Tennessee sounds beautiful!! I really love the country. I'm not a city person would rather live in country!! I was just wondering you said you fell into drinking. I'm a recovered alcoholic drug addict!! 7 years sober! I read that and thought another thing in common? No way!!π I have to send this cause its almost been erased like 3 times shit!!
I left u a message π
First, let me say how bad I feel for you that you're feeling this way.
Being overweight, whether it be from actually overeating, medications, health issues, etc is a difficult plight to overcome. Sometimes what we do isn't what our bodies need for us to lose weight. In your case however it feels like your social anxiety is forcing you to perceive and project your inner feelings as outer ones... What I mean to say is that you believe these things to be true (you believe you're ugly. You believe you're a "freak", etc) and because of those inner perceptions and images, you believe that if YOU see it then everyone else must see it too.
Walking is a good start to weight loss. You can walk around your own home for 30 mins a day (I have to do my walking in 10 min intervals). I also found good results by simply cleaning my house every day. I lost about 30 pounds across 4-5 months doing simple chores and walking. Buy a step stool (1-2 steps) and use that. You'll start to feel a difference on your leg strength and it's another at home exercise that's inexpensive.
Now, back to the real issue at hand - Unfortunately, until you learn to love yourself weight or less weight, you'll probably continue feeling this paranoia and anger when in public. Being overweight isn't really an uncommon thing these days so although I'm sure some rude people have stared or glared and judged you, I can say (as a fellow overweight person) that most aren't really even paying any attention. They may be looking past you, around you or even lost in thought and not even seeing you.
Try and go somewhere in the late night or dead of afternoon when a store is likely less busy and just walk and browse. Try and avoid looking at other people at first (like the first time you go). Just focus on what you want to look at or buy. The next time, go again but this time lift your eyes a little and try to breathe and remind yourself that it's just that nagging anxiety shadow trying to convince you something is wrong. Keep doing this and my hope is that, in time, you'll be walking through those stores just shopping and browsing and don't have a care in the world if Joe so and so looks at you.
You're a human being which means you've got flaws. So does everyone else. That's how we're supposed to be 
You have every right to walk in a public space and feel secure in yourself and to command respect. If someone treats you poorly, that speaks volumes about them and isn't your responsibility to validate their judgement nor carry the burden of conformity. Love yourself and let the rest fall into place.
Oh thank you so very much for writing!!! Your too kind and your a very caring person!!! I do try to say to myself who cares if they hate me cause that does speak volumes of that person. Its always easier to say that before I go out but once in the situation I just feel weakened by ppls mean stares. I'm getting too old to care anymore and way tired of feeling so horrible. Anxiety is very severe. When waiting,to see a Dr, sitting in waiting room I feel like crawling in a hole!!! Its the worst feeling. Its so bad that when they take blood pressure it actually reads higher than normal. Its been a life long issue. I was picked on since a kid. Still happens to this day. Darn it I've got to get going cause I'm at my moms and she's ready. Hugs to you and your kindness!!! Your AWESOMEππ
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10 things a pastor/author did to dig out of crippling anxiety/depression
My life and all the responsibilities that go with it has crippled me mentally & physically. - Anxiety and bipolar!!!
Moderation team
