I swear, this year...

[Ubud2021]

Every time I say “it can only go up from here” - something else happens.

PTSD update: I had a very severe allergic reaction to olanzapine. I’m covered in rashes/hives and it’s only getting worse and covering more and more of my body. I’ve been taking Benadryl, and went to the doctor. I’m on a steroid cream. I’m kind of nervous about it, at the moment. Because the doctor said he thinks it’s a rash from my sweat because it started in “sweaty areas” but now is all over. He put me on risperdone. It doesn’t help as much. I’m still so nauseated whenever I think about what happened, or I wake up in the middle of the night and vomit from nightmares.

And then yesterday, I found out my biological father died. I mean. He was a shit dad anyway... I didn’t have contact with him after he shot up in front of me, and an incident happened... I thought I made up my mind 2 years ago. That if he were to ever die, it wouldn’t phase me. And I was so confident in that feeling. But, I am affected... I am not mourning the loss of a “dad” that I did have. Just the loss of the idea that maybe ‘one day’, he would clean up his act and try to be in my life... but now that’s impossible.

But then again, it reassures me that I don’t need him. Never have, and obviously I never will.

[Ladybug9]

I am so sorry for everything going on with you! I too broke out in a rash. One doctor said it was a drug reaction and 3 others said it was Scabies! Scabies!! Are you joking? I put that crap on me 3 times. Nothing was helping. The rash was everywhere except the palms of my hands and bottom of my feet. And fortunately my face only itched but didn't break out. Turns out after seeing a Dermatologist, I have Spongeatic Dermatitis that happens with heat and stress.

The relationships we have with our parents are so damn complicated! I hope your rash clears up quickly!

[Ubud2021 in reply to Ladybug9]

Hey I am so sorry I did not see your reply! Thank you for responding! My doctor is now taking over my psychiatric psychosis med. it’s risperdone now. But I cannot believe that happened to you!! Yeah, my doctor said it was part my psychosis! And I was like no no, I have pictures from when the rash started. Before I was scratching it. I was scratching it and a lot of them got infected which leads to more itching. I’m on a higher dose steroid cream. It seemed to have worked last week. I ran out though for 3 days and I’m back to being so itchy. Mine is everywhere too except my hands, feet, and shins. A little on the shins. It’s crazy how olanzapine can do that!!!! And the doctor try to blame something else because it doesn’t go away quickly.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Ubud2021]

I haven't been on for a while but thank you for replying. I hope you are happy with your new med but so sorry for the itching! I know exactly how miserable that is! I thought I was going to scratch my skin off! Have you seen a dermatologist just to confirm it's a medication and not something else? First my Psychiatrist thought it was a medication reaction, then as I said, I was told scabies, until finally a Dermatologist did a biopsy and found it to be spongeatic dermatitis. Do you break out at certain times more than others? Mine gets bad in the summer and when I stress out to much!