Maximizing The Negatives

[jwhitleyjr]

I guess I wanted others views on this. I have been living in Southern California for the past 13 years and I have some amazing times here. But because I have never obtain the career I wanted her after 5 years of graduating with my Masters and meeting some of the terrible people.

I just feel like I am high lighting all of the negatives in my life and completely dismissing the positive. I was ingrained that having a career means overall happiness and as I stated before I met people have said some of the most vile and horrible things to me that made me feel bad about myself.

A relative of mine even said that my California venture was a complete failure and that college did not work out for me. But good thing that I cut to this person out of my life.

He also said what life advice can I give him when he is 26 with a career and your are 42 and never had one and that my generation of the family do never had careers.

But for now since I am still living here and still alive. I am pretty much tired of waking up in the morning always thinking about the past and people in California who have hurt me and how I have not achieved a career here.

There have been positives, but for me just looking at the positives and not realizing there are major problems is not as they say Keeping it Real.

Recently, I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and I told me self that if I would have moved out of California back in 2015. immediately after getting my Masters. I would have avoided the incident that caused me to have two panic attacks.

I think what is sad in my case is that a relative of mine from our home state is moving to California in October. I just feel like I will go through a major depression but I feel that this young man will be highly successful and happy here and members of my family will look down on me because I did not achieve success in California. Which means career and family.

[Hidden]

Those are hard feelings to have to deal with. Sometimes even the best made plans do not work out. I have tried to do a number of things that did not work out. I tried to get a college degree. My grades were good but I felt like it was taking me forever. And I kept switching what I wanted to get into. I really have enough classes and credits to be enough for a two year degree, but no, I don't even have that, and I'm tired of sitting in classrooms. So what now??? I don't even know. All these minimum wage jobs where you just make enough to get by. I'm trying to regroup. I know how it feels to feel like your family is looking down on you or that you failed. Ultimately however, you have to live your life for you. What do you want out of life??? The hell with what they think, I've gotten so tired of trying to get approval that I'm just never going to get. What would make you happy? Sometimes if something doesn't work out, you have to go for another dream.

[Agora1]

jwhitleyjr, You have a Masters my friend??

You've already achieved success that many do not.

No one can ever take that away from you. It is something

you will have under your belt all your life.

Whether you follow your degree or go in a different direction,

that is your choice when the time is right. Age doesn't have to

factor into this. There have been many who followed their dreams

late in life. We all have a purpose in life and many times it's anxiety

that gets in our way in achieving our goals.

Work on your issues now with your therapist and doctor and the world

will be yours once anxiety is out of the picture. As long as we have a

breath in us, anything is possible xx

[PapaDocs]

I suggest that you stop comparing yourself to others or you will never get rid of this anxiety. Many families do that oftentimes with good intentions to encourage a member but many times it becomes negative and a burden to the poor fellow. I did that when my kids were younger. That is human nature, we compare everything, put them side by side and analyze what can improve the one of lesser quality. It is a good thing that I learned not to compare my kids not only to one another but to anyone. Each kid is an individual with his own strengths and weaknesses.

You need to learn to shut off the negative things that these people say. Their words will be a burden to you, discourage you, and you will be unable to function properly because these hurtful things will be at the back of your mind, nagging you. You might miss opportunities like taking a different job or role, or even opportunities like let us say to set up your own business, because your decisions will include what they might say, or how they will treat you if you fail. So stop pleasing them and please yourself, prioritize yourself. Enjoy your life and appreciate the little blessings that you get everyday, and ignore these hurtful words. If you do something and you have given your best and you are satisfied with it, then be happy about it. Your life, your standard, your well being.

[jwhitleyjr in reply to PapaDocs]

Thank you sir. You put it to me straight to the point. I truly need to count the blessings I have and not compare myself to other family members and hear their negative feed back.