I feel as if I’m falling back into old patterns of thought.

[Wattsmind]

I was diagnosed with Major Depression since the age of 12. I had been hospitalized multiple times, plenty of therapists, and cocktails of antidepressants. At the age of 16/17, something changed and I was getting better. Eventually, I no longer had to take antidepressants, and the therapy stopped as well. I’m 20 now, and I feel myself slipping into old patterns of thought once again.

Some of it is caused by the stress of college, but what seems to be the root cause of it all is the relationship I have with my parents. I lack the love and support I’ve always needed from them. I moved out about 2 years ago (not on the greatest terms), but I still try to get that from them even though I know that’s never going to happen. In stressful situations, I reach out and I find myself in a worse place than I was before. I’ve been slipping into this depression again, and I feel so alone... I find it hard to get out of bed some days... I don’t know what to do anymore...

I ask myself “why have I been put in a place where I was forced to do everything on my own?”

“Why can’t I be supported like others are?”

“Am I able to do this on my own?”

[Love4outdoors]

Have you thought about counseling again? Therapists have creative ways to help you express what you need from people in our lives; for you, your parents. College is a tough, but exciting time, and you CAN do it alone. There are SO many kids, that are in school from other countries, without any family at all. Use the resources they have there at school too! I did that often when I was in school, and it really helped ❤️

[Wattsmind in reply to Love4outdoors]

I have been actually. I just don’t know how to go about it because I don’t have health insurance.

I appreciate your response, and I will try my best to take advantage of my school’s resources. I’ve always struggled with asking for help, but I’ve noticed an improvement over the years. Thank you !

[Hidden]

Hi I have also dealt with depression at a young age but i’m not sure why, still haven’t figured it out but do you think the therapy and antidepressants helped? I did both and anti depressants didn’t do much for me but make me feel worse. Therapy also didn’t help me maybe because I didn’t try out a bunch to find the right one. I find myself going back to my old habits too! I think it’s because i’m not keeping my mind busy. I am the same age as you but I have no job and I also didn’t even go to college but I want to but I almost feel brain dead from my anxiety/depression. I’m sorry the relationship with your parents isn’t the greatest that’s tough but I have always wanted to move out and be independent so I think you’re pretty lucky because most people don’t have the courage to do that! please remember you’re not alone!!! I’m here if you ever need a friend ❤️

[Wattsmind in reply to Hidden]

Therapy definitely helped in my journey, which is why I’m thinking of going back for treatment. It was difficult to find the right therapist though. All of them have their own style of practice, and I had to be really patient to find the one I can open up to.

As far as the antidepressants went, well, I felt as if they made it difficult to feel any emotion at all. It felt as if the small spurs of happiness I sometimes had with depression were gone too, so i was stuck in a darker place. I think it’s great that you’re having this time to be aware of the thoughts in your mind. I’ve been getting them a lot more too. I’m also glad you want to go to college. Are you still on antidepressants?

[Hidden in reply to Wattsmind]

There is no shame in getting help! I’m still trying to find a therapist but it’s hard doing that with all of this Covid stuff going on I had the same experience with anti depressants, I couldn’t feel any emotion and it made me not feel normal. I didn’t like feeling that way. I am not on anti depressants anymore, I stopped on my own awhile back which I do not recommend doing lol. How is college going?