Picking problem

[pandaeyes1]

I’ve never been formally diagnosed, but I’ve always had a problem with skin picking since I hit puberty. It started with grooming when I’m stressed. I’d comb and comb my hair. I’d redo my ponytail again and again because it wasn’t “smooth”. If I felt a bump or tuft out of place, I had to do it over. I couldn’t leave it alone or just pin it down with a Bobby pin. Then I started to pick at my acne and “skin bumps”. And I’d pick at anything on my face that didn’t feel “smooth”. My parents started noticing that more picking scars or picking redness would show up when I’m stressed. And then with time, it migrated to picking bumps on my scalp since it was a lot less noticeable.

I think I go through periods of picking frenzies. Sometimes it’s associated with stress. Sometimes not. I’ll keep picking the one or two spots until it starts bleeding. Or my hand starts hurting because I’ve kept it on that awkward angle for a long time for many days. I kind of got worried and made a more conscious effort to stop myself when my nails started hurting a lot. I think I started to erode the fleshy bit where nail meets finger. I keep my hair up and tied so I don’t mess with it.

Yesterday was the second time where I got into a really bad picking episode. It was one spot that I kept picking at. I’d try to stop by combing my hair and putting it up, but I was back picking at it within minutes. I couldn’t do my work because I needed both hands to type. I started getting anxious and had to just sit there and pick at that spot for what felt like hours. I couldn’t get the rough spot that didn’t belong off. And usually I can leave it alone and focus back on work or whatever I needed to do. But yesterday I don’t know what happened. I stopped doing what I was doing so I could concentrate on getting that bumpy skin off. And when it wouldn’t come off no matter how I picked at it, I kinda freaked out. I scratched through my whole head and then scratched up and down my arms. I felt like things were crawling under my skin. It wasn’t itchy. It’s so hard to explain. And i was so upset. I needed to get it off. And it wasn’t. And why am I panicking about this weird feeling? I don’t even know what this feeling is. It was like I didn’t know what I wanted to get relief but I REALLY NEEDED IT.

I don’t know. I feel like a crazy person. I’m sure if anyone was around, they’d think I’m psychotic. Thank god it didn’t get as bad as the first time when I ended up scratching myself and crying and scratching until I was too tired to do anything.

[Sprinkle1]

First of all you are Not psychotic. You do have an illness, Dr,s are familiar with it, you need help and you need it Now. Call your Dr. talk to her/him and tell her/him just what you wrote to us here. There is help, do not feel ashamed it is an illness and needs to be treated. I feel for you, I suffer from mental illness myself and take med's everyday, been on them for decades, they help me function properly. I send you love, support, big hugs, strength, peace. Let us know we are here to help you......

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you for the love and support! I’ve mentioned it to my doctor in the past, but we’ve been largely working on my depression and haven’t really addressed this aspect.

[Hidden]

A lot of people have this! You’re not alone, I find myself doing the same thing.

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah normally it doesn’t get this out of hand.

[Paula-38]

Hi pandaeyes1, I know that you are suffering from OCD ''compulsive skin picking"called Dermatomania" .

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Paula-38]

I think that’s what I have but never been formally diagnosed. And I’m on ssri’s already, so I guess it doesn’t really change things? It makes me sad that i have these scars on my face. My mom is always telling me how I ruined the perfect face she gave birth to.

[Paula-38 in reply to pandaeyes1]

Well I suggest that you ask your doctor to refer you to a Psychiatrist in your local mental health team in order to get a formal diagnosis as well as access to a qualified C.B.T therapist who specializes in OCD if there are any in your area.

In my area there are no OCD specialists at all, my local 'so-called' team are crap.

In the end I have been rereferred to a London OCD unit and was assessed by them a year ago and I have been on their waiting list ever since. I take Escitalopram what SSRI's do you take?

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Paula-38]

Mm. I have a psychiatrist but in the process of switching. I’m on sertraline and bupropion right now. I’ve tried most of the other ssri and snri iterations and haven’t had much luck with mood stabilization. My psychiatrist was pushing really hard for TMS.