loneliness and hurting

[puppy242]

Had anger spell today again. I'm so frustrated. I can't find anything to do about it. I'm just hurting everyday over stupid things and over things that are really important.

I did nothing for 3 days and missed deadlines for goals I set. My fault!!! I'm so tired and sad and frustrated because family is such a trigger.

I am sitting here and should be enjoying a nice day but I'm so depressed. Im so lonely inside. I have a new friend but I wonder he's just hanging out with me because I'm pretty?? Like will he get mad when I don't want to do something?? I hate this. The wondering. It happens every time I try to date or make friends. Then I assure myself they're here for me and who I am inside. NOPE. I'm so tired I just want things to not always have to be this way. It feels like nothing changing even when I do try

I don't know where I'm going with this but yeah just sharing these stupid feelings because I will scare someone away in my life if I tell them these things

[kv3011]

Don’t be so hard on yourself! Hard days are HARD! But then we need to pick ourselves up and start right where you left off. Progress did not take a step backwards, it just took a pause. A much needed pause. Have you talked to your friend and tell him what’s going on? If you think he will understand maybe tell him that sometimes you just need to do nothing and it has nothing to do with him.

[puppy242 in reply to kv3011]

Thanks, i will try to see it as a pause. I've just been getting angry with my family and I'm tired of putting them through that and myself. My new friend seems pretty nice so I don't think he will get mad if I declined or reschedule with him -- I just get so worried because of how some other friendships I've had with guys turned out. I keep wanting to self harm tonight I keep getting triggered