Feels like I’m drowning...

[dms155]

Recovering from this knee surgery has taken a lot out of me. Physically...emotionally....mentally. My husband doesn’t understand my struggles. I communicate as best as I can but, it either ends in him not understanding at all, him thinking I am mad at him which makes me feel worse, and minimal times he understands. He thinks because I went to one outing with our friends at their house...sitting down with my leg propped...I would be good to go meet up with his parents, sister and grandfather for lunch 40 minutes away. It’s 3:48 am and I am in knee and nerve pain that has interferes with my sleep. I came out to the couch so he could sleep. I had to scream into a pillow tonight. That’s how high my anxiety is. After he told his family we could meet without me giving a yes or no...he chose to ignore me the rest of the night. Maybe I am over exaggerating or maybe the wires got crossed communicating...or he is being selfish because he wants to see his family. The family we saw in March before COVID really took over. I haven’t seen my family since Christmas because they live a little further and COVID. My Dad has no immune system with the chemotherapy he was given because of his prostate cancer so my sister and I have had to stay away. Ugh, I feel like such a bad person, but at the same time I’m mad he just went ahead with it knowing full well how I get when plans get thrown in the last minute to trigger my OCD because it doesn’t give me enough time to cope with it and I can’t control the situation. Advice?

[blackcat64013]

Hi, I think your priority is talk with your partner honestly about your feelings (You could show him your message as a starting point). Covid is not an excuse for inconsiderate behaviour. You might like to plan to see your family too. Are you using mobile phone to use Zoom meeting to contact your dad and see his face? If your knee pain is bad, you don't have to be a martyr. Get something for the pain. If you can get to sleep, things might look different in the morning.