So bi/confused but not anxious!!

[PackerGirl]

Hi - I’ll try to make this short. When I was a child I was sexually abused. I chose to remain “a virgin” until I was 23 but I was brutally raped by a boyfriend at that time. I’ve only been with 3 other people in my life since then, I am now 51. I am rarely attracted to men, although I find them attractive, I am always one word away from a panic attack around them. I have been intensely attracted to women but have never been physical beyond kissing. I haven’t dated, at all, in 20+ years. Recently I met someone and I think she is AMAZING! She’s disclosed an interest in me and I feel strongly interested in her and surprisingly, not anxious with her at all!! What I am curious about , however, well ok, anxious about is, do you think I should tell her now I’ve never fully been with a woman or wait to see where things might take us and discuss it then? We’re so close emotionally, we’re both so open and honest with each other and I care for her so much, I do not want to hurt her. What are your thoughts, please?!?

[blackcat64013]

Just be yourself. If you are feeling safe, go wherever the relationship takes you. The only rule is there are no rules. 🤷‍♀️

[PackerGirl in reply to blackcat64013]

Good advice!! I’m just wondering if it’s dishonest not to tell her? She’s known she was a lesbian since grade school, my journey has been bumpier and longer.....She’s SO calm, chill, kind, open and caring tho and I do actually feel safe with her, which is a miracle!! I think I’ll focus on reducing my overall anxiety levels and just relax with her and see where it goes. Thank you blackcat!! Kelli

[Hidden]

Ummm....it's up to you what you do? To be honest, I think it's a bit odd that you're asking perfect strangers about something so intimate

This is not meant to be mean at all, so please don't take it that way. Seriously, though...it's up to you what your next steps are. Asking anybody anything always gets you mixed responses, which might make you even more anxious. It's always better to follow your heart.

How are you doing otherwise? How is that gorgeous dog of yours, Gigi?

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

Trust me I felt weird about asking this but I thought perhaps others with more experience could guide me? I’m in therapy for significant challenges related to my ability to trust others in intimate relationships. I didn’t want to be closed off if there’s reason for me to challenge myself to open up....

I’ve not been well aside from this. Severe depression, debilitating anxiety, overwhelming fear of a surgery I’m having this coming Tuesday. I contemplated going inpatient for a few days but decided against it, I need to make it through the surgery, then we’ll see where I’m at. Thank you for asking though love ❤️

GiGi was adopted and is now in heaven!! The rescue where I stay gets picture updates and she’s being loved up and spoiled rotten!! She scored big time with her new family!! I miss her tho Such a sweet girl ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to PackerGirl]

Good luck on Tuesday! Take calming breaths and know it will be okay.😊 I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday!

Great news about Gigi, but I'm sorry you miss her so. My husband and I have a fur-baby, Sailor, who couldn't make the move with us from the States to Norway. Luckily, my parents agreed to take him in. He is now living it up in Oregon! You know how grandparents are. Everything that is a product of their children is perfect, and this includes granddogs!😃

I'm glad you're in therapy. Is it helping? Mine is.

Back to your original question: follow what's in your heart. You know what's best for you!😊

[PackerGirl in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jenny! I truly am so terrified about Tuesday, knowing you’re thinking of me and sending me well wishes will help! You’re very kind!

I’m so glad Sailor is with your parents!! Lucky dog!! How is Norway?!?!?

I will follow your advice! I will remind myself I do know what’s best for me and I will follow my heart, truly be open and follow it where it leads. Thank you!! ❤️

[Lou-P-J]

Hi,

I'm really sorry to read you were sexually abused and raped.

I can empathise with what you're asking, I've been in a similar situation.

There isn't a clear answer, it's depends on you, your feelings.

You're open and honest with her, is your lack of experience holding you back from telling her?

Also, you say you don't want to hurt her, why do you think you would?

[PackerGirl in reply to Lou-P-J]

Hi, thank you for your compassion, it means a great deal. I’m so truly sorry you’ve had a similar experience. The rate of sexual assaults against women is mind numbing and often something I think is truly impossible to understand unless you’ve suffered threw it as well. 😢

My lack of experience is both embarrassing and terrifying to me. I’m afraid of what she’ll think of this. I don’t know that she’ll trust my sincerity and that concerns me. My history is abusive men but my desire is women. I’ve just been too terrified of being hurt, in any way, to act on anything...

I would never want to hurt her. What if we progress and I freeze, like I do with men?

I am so messed up, I know!! This is why I think I deserve to be alone!! I never anticipated meeting someone like her, she makes my heart warm and my soul smile ❤️