Do I need professional help

[Thelonewolf22]

Why does everyone say I need professional help when all I need is a friend and someone who will help me find ways to feel better about myself. I don’t want to talk to someone who is paid to talk to me I want someone who wants to talk to me.

[Dolphin14]

If you get a good therapist you may learn a lot about yourself. Of course they have to be paid for their services.

Are your friends telling you that you need help?

[Hidden]

I read your other threads. In my opinion you are suffering much more than low self esteem, lack of self confidence.

Professional help with give tools and coping strategies (may be through medication or non medicated therapies or both).

Of course go to your friends and family, they definitely can lend support, a shoulder to lean on if you have a support network. I always feel good getting things off my chest, having someone make me feel better, but it’s not long lasting. The underlying causes are still there. Also for example, when that person is no longer in your presence and you have severe anxiety, anger or out bursts, lack of self control, or ideations, this is where your therapist can help.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been in countless therapy and all of those have just gotten worse over time

[Violeta_1]

When I started my treatment I thought like you, but I realized that a professional is not your friend, you know, a therapist knows things that you cannot talk to your friends. The money you pay for this service is an investment for yourself. Go ahead and try it, maybe it's better than you think.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Violeta_1]

I have tried it for 10 years and my symptoms have gotten worse over the years. My therapists betrayed me and have said things that have been down right rude

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

You've seen multiple therapists and they all betrayed you? Over 10 years and not one helped? I'm not sure how to respond to this to be honest.

My advice still stands. You keep looking for the help you need or you try and manage on your own. I suspect that doing this on your own isnt going to well, hence the many threads I've read.

Keeping trying, If a therapist harms you in any way, you should report them.

[Hidden]

Hi again,

The answer to your question is because this site is not designed to be used in place of what it sounds like you would benefit from, which is professional support and advice. We can provide friendly, supplemental suppprt, but that's it.

I don't think anyone is on here as the sole source for help. In fact, it says at the bottom of this page that this site should not replace medical and professional advice.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I can give professional advice and I’m not a professional. I don’t know what type of therapies I have been in because they have all been awful to be frank

[Rudolph26]

Dude, I feel the same way. I have been avoiding therapy like the plague the the exact same reasons you just mentioned. I felt like it would be superficial because I am paying them for their time. But then a friend of mine told me how he has been going to therapy and how it really has helped him. And he encouraged me to do the same. Its funny because he was the first person who told me that without making me feel like I need help because I’m mentally unstable or anything like that. He was saying that he thinks everyone should go to therapy; so they can learn to cope with things. It then made sense to me. I mean, think about it. We get educated about a ton of stuff in school. How to math properly, spell, budget, understand science and history. Yet, we have little to no education about how to cope with real life situations like depression and anxiety; rather, we are told that if certain things happen seek help, but we don’t know what is the best help to get. Anyway, once I saw it as something like educating myself about how to deal with personal matters, I saw it as more of a class then a replacement of a friend. Our friends should be like the students in the class, you talk to them about what you learned so you can build eachother up. But you can’t always ask the student for the answer to something that only a professor would know, unless you have one of those smart ass friends lol.

Anyway, my point is, I get it completely. But, it really isn’t like that. They can be helpful. I actually got onto this site because of that discussion I had with my friend. Unfortunately, I cant afford therapy right now but this was a start for me, and now I actually want to go.

[Hidden]

I'll be your friend, even if it's only over the internet. We all need a real friend. And it's easy for those people because they don't know what its like to be in your shoes. I have been in ALOT of the places you have. I've thought the same thing. I refuse to pay for someone to listen to me. It's not genuine. Maybe it is? But I don't feel like it would be. So I get that aspect of it. And real friends seem to be hard to come by anymore. I can't do all the fake mess. And I'm not exactly the type to candy coat stuff and stoke someone's ego. But I can guarantee you that you have good qualities and that I can show you how to pick that self esteem and confidence up and run with it.

Just so I don't have people coming at me, I'm not a licensed doctor. But I try to be a good friend.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Well thank you so much. I just don’t know how to pick myself up from a terrible place

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Well a place to start would be realizing that there is literally only one you. No one else can be you. If you think about how complex each and every person is, you can probably see similar talents, or whatever, but there are so many more things that make you, well you, besides what you can do. I'm sure your personality is unique in a sense that none of us have grown up in your shoes, and experienced life like you have. You have personal situations that helped mold you and shape you into the person you are today. And not the depressed you. The you that you probably don't let people see, the you with all your quirks and mannerisms that you might not like or maybe you do, but someone else might love. Embrace and love the fact that there is only one you. That you can offer the right person the kind of love they need. That would appreciate you staying and working through stuff and them staying and seeing you angry and all, and be willing to work through that too. Pain changes us, at least it did me. But I learned from it and make the choice everyday to better myself for the people I love. And you know what, being that you are the only you there will EVER BE? That makes you a hot commodity, and super rare. Which means you are priceless.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Who would ever want to love me... I feel unlovable and like a terrible person. I mess all my relationships up and another part of me says that they’re the problem but at the end of the day it’s me. Me being me is toxic for this world

[Hidden]

That's part of the problem right there. Until you realize you're not the only reason your relationships have failed you're going to keep treading water and wear yourself down even more. Look I'm going to be honest with you. When I was depressed, like to the point you're at, I almost got some kind of comfort from those feelings. And not feeling them felt wrong. We get choices everyday in life. One example, you have the choice to accept that unfortunately none of the relationship's you've had have worked, and you got other issues going on that consume you, so you can choose to stay stuck in the past with those memories and let them haunt you, OR you can choose to accept that people screw up, make bad choices, and sadly sometimes what we want doesn't work out. Either way by accepting either outcome you will either let your past control your today and miss out on what potential options were laid in front of you, or you can forgive yourself and know that tomorrow is a new day, with new choices, and maybe just maybe a little bit of happiness is waiting for you. But let me say this. Life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Some of the stuff we go through, if you let it, can help you grow into an even better version of yourself. But don't let the past consume you and control your every action. I lived there too long, and that's when I was at one of my lowest points. You have to want better for yourself, and know you don't have to stay stuck there.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I do want better and I try everyday to make sure I do what I gotta do but I keep ending up in the same space

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

It's hard, tell me what I can do to help you. Cause where you're at sucks. I remember what it feels like to be where you are

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

What helped you better? What did you do? Why can’t I just stop feeling like this

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Honestly, and I might catch some heat for this but oh well, finding faith in God. Not everyone will agree with that, and that is fine. I had to literally go through hell for three years to get somewhat back to who I used to be. It was a long struggle let me tell you. I went through immense amounts of fear, and 2 suicide attempts in like a year's time. I finally started meds, which sucked because I walked around like a zombie. I was stuck. In my head. Stuck as far as where I went. I felt trapped. Like I was going to die every. Single. Day. And finally after wanting to die and trying to take my life, a small part of me wanted to live. And that's when I had to fight the voices in my head, fight the urge to hurt myself, and I had to believe that I was still here for a reason. And I also had to believe that I had just as much right to be here as anyone else on this planet. In the midst of all that I ended up with a huge scar on my arm from cutting. I dropped down to like 100 pounds, I wasn't eating. I'm telling you it was bad. Depression is literally like fighting a giant bully everyday. You never know if you're going to win or lose that battle. But you can't give up. I had to stop comparing myself to all the girls that were thinner than me, or prettier than me. I had to deal with so much pain, that I kept tucked deep down, all the way from childhood. I had to forgive. I had to accept that I made mistakes and wasn't perfect, as much as I wanted to be. I've seen to many good things happen in the past 2 years of my life, to not give credit to God. And I swear to you that is the truth. At least my truth. I have anger issues, I have mental issues still to this day, but I also believe that I've come too far to give up. I read somewhere you're 21. Let me tell you, at 19 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. After a suicide attempt at 16 and then another at 19, I started seeing a psychiatrist. It didn't do much at the time. I'm now 34 I've been to 2 mental health facilities multiple times, I've seen multiple mental health people, and countless numbers of meds. Which by the way, I felt like a guinea pig, so I stopped all doctors and meds for a good while. That being said I'm back on Zoloft. Now I will say I was NOT depressed when I started taking it. I took if for anxiety. The biggest factor for me coming out of the dark as I like to call it, was watching my son be born with major heart issues that just about killed him. I had to see him suffer through so much with a small percentage of him surviving. I watched him fight so hard to be here, and that's when it truly hit me that here I was wanting to just throw my life away, all while he fought with everything in him to be here. I wouldn't wish anybody to watch someone go through that if they didn't have to, but my son gave me perspective. He showed me how precious life really is. And I'm thankful for everything I've gone through, because had I not, I might not be here to even tell you about any of this today. I still have times where I struggle. I have to fight the urge to cut when I get really upset. I also learned that I don't cope well with strong negative emotions. That's when things get really bad for me.

So that's the long answer, I guess.. I felt like I rambled a little bit. But the short answer is, I had to learn to accept that I belong here, and that I mattered. Even if only to one or two people. Because when you're depressed it feels like you don't. But you matter. What you're going through matters and what you've been through matters.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi, sorry to butt in. I just wanted to say nice post!🙂 I love your last paragraph especially.

Beautiful story about your son teaching you about how precious life is. If you don't mind me asking, how is he doing these days?

I hope Thelonewolf likes your reply as much I do. Thanks again!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, my son has big one of the greatest blessings I've ever received. And he is doing good, he has been through so much! Thank you for asking. He is now almost 2 and he still has a surgery or two ahead of him, but he's doing better than the doctors expected, and I couldn't ask for anything more

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank goodness for that!!😀

[Hidden]

Hi.🙂

My day has almost ended, but I wanted to check in with you before I go to sleep.

How are you feeling?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

All I want in life is a family. The reason I feel so unwanted is that I’ve been broken up with and rejected so many times. I’ve been betrayed by my friends too and I feel like I can’t trust anyone and everyone is secretly out to get me. I would give anything in the world for a wife who would stay and just at least one kid I could guide in the right direction. Family and friends are everything to me and when I loose em it makes it worse. I don’t really find anything that just involves me fun or worthwhile because it’s selfish. The only reason I have such bad anger issues is because I’ve been bullied and rejected my whole life and I’m sick of it. If I had a decent career but I come home everyday to a family I love and cherish my life goals has been complete.

Unfortunately I don’t think anyone can take all of me in order for that to happen

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

I'm so sorry you feel all this. That sounds like an awful place to be in. Thank you for getting all this out in words. You express yourself very well!

The reason most of us our suggesting professional help is because we care about and want the best for you. That is the God's honest truth. We care!!! You don't have to worry about getting bullied by others or have people "out to get you" here. We truly care for you!!! Did you do an awful thing? Yes, most definitely. Does this brand you as a bad person for life? No, most definitely not. Just make sure you never do it again, okay? This is where professional help would come in handy -- to give you the tools to keep you from doing it again and being arrested and "locked up" (using your words) for it. We want the best for you. We want you to succèed in ĺife. 21 years of age is so young and you have a lot of life ahead of you. We want you to be able to enjoy it.

Please come on here as often as you need to for support, but also please remember that, as much as you may hate it, it sounds as though professional help would really benefit you.🙂🙂🙂🙂

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I did do a horrible thing but there has to be a lot of circumstances explained so it doesn’t seem like I did it to do it. I lost friendships and a relationship out of it and I’m scared I may had fallen in love with the girl already and it hadn’t been a month yet.... and tbh I want her back because until that day everything was pure.

She was recovering from addiction but it was her birthday weekend. So she wanted to drink but my friend had also brought over a pill. I tried to convince her not to take it but she did and then we went to go pick up her daughter that night. Her daughter is 4. Then the next day she broke down and thought the relationship was too much pressure to get it right and how she was a bad mom but instead of listening to me saying everything will be ok she said she needed to take a step back. She didn’t give me a clear explanation about what that meant so I got a little angry. But I apologized. She went to go talk to my friend who is female about it and it’s like she completely turned on me and then we abruptly ended things and got into a fight in front of the kid. Then all hell broke loose. I have been hurt like this so many times I lost control and pushed her a little bit. And then she slapped me in the face. Then I threw my coffee table into the kitchen in rage at no one but it made the kid cry. Then she left and my friend was yelling at me so I threw her shoes out the door and told her no one treats me like that.

I truly regret my mistakes and I let my emotions get the best of me. I just felt betrayed by my friend that she didn’t have any sympathy for me before the incident completely thought it was ok for my other friend to give her the pill, and more. I’ve been bullied my whole life and have been traumatized out of crying which is a whole story of itself so I have all this built up anger. I’m scared and ashamed of myself.

But honestly I want to work out our differences and work something out with this girl because everything was perfect up until one second. I miss her... and I may have screwed things up eternally with her but still I want to try to give it a second shot.

That’s everything and that’s why I have been knocking out with my anti depressants all week and trying to avoid the situation. If you think I’m a bad person now I understand I’m and if you don’t want to talk to me I understand too

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Yikes. Ok, didn't expect a response so soon.🙂

Headed to breakfast and to start my day, so I will read this when I get the chance

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Hi again,

Your last sentence pretty much sums it up. You know what it says to me? It says, "look, I've done such such and such and am I bad person because of it. I beg of you to turn away now before you catch my toxicity. I don't deserve your kindness, so I beg of you to leave". You know what my response to this is? To want to give you a big hug and tell you that it will be okay.

Sending you virtual hugs,

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Why though usually society and all of my bad actions end up in people hating me forever

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Ok, you are assuming that this is a life-long pattern. You've been so hurt that you have actually become adverse to anyone being kind to you. It's like you're saying, "hey! This isn't how it's supposed to work. You are supposed to bully and hate me. What's wrong with you?"

Plus, how do you know people will hate you forever? Forever is a big word. Hate is a very strong word too. Also, how does society play into all of this? Society is made up of 7 billion people. Are you saying that 7 billion people hate you forever?

The point I'm trying to get at is this: I'm tring to get you to expand your thinking. You are thinking "worst case scenario" and you are thinking that it will be "worst case scenario" forever. I want you to start thinking about the other good side of this.

This is also where professional help would come in handy. It would help you to change for the better so that you will no longer do things that will cause society and your friends to hate you forever.

I'll be out for awhile. It's 10:30am and I'm going to start my day. Will be back later

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Ok, I felt compelled to say this, so some people hate you. Big whoop. I know that's easy to say, but in all seriousness, they are still growing as individuals too. I'm not justifying what happened by any means, but I've done a lot worse than what you're explaining here, I totaled a car with a baseball bat when my husband (now ex) had cheated on me and chose to try to run from the issue instead of addressing it. I'm pretty sure he at one point hated me. My kids probably saw way too much when it came to me and their father. I still have anger issues I'm working on. The point of this is that you have to work, REALLY HARD to not let that control your actions. If that means walking away and then coming back when you have calmed down so be it. And if this girl you're talking about has issues with addiction, it's probably best not to use any controlled substances around her. Even if alcohol wasn't her thing, it can trigger relapse. I have a brother who is an addict, in remission at the moment, but he has relapsed on many things that weren't his drug of choice that ultimately led him back down a bad path. And if she means as much as it sounds like she does to you, you might have to sacrifice drinking, to ensure these types of situations don't happen again. And as a woman, and a mother, knowing that you're being the best version of yourself for your child or children, is a HUGE deal. Have you asked her to forgive you, and apologize for the way things happened to see if if she feels like the possibility of a second chance is there?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

No I woke up this morning with a dent in my chest and I realized that I fucked things up so much. Although to clear something up. I was not drinking my friends around me were drinking. I personally try to stay away from that lifestyle mostly because I’m alcohol intolerant and it makes me severely uncomfortable. I know she wants to stop but that weekend it’s like she was a completely different person and our worst sides came out at the same time.

I want a second chance so badly, but how could she want me or even talk to me after this happened.

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Well that's good that you're not into the whole drinking scene, if for no other reason than you wanting this to work out. And to answer your last two questions, if she can understand that both of you are human, and aren't perfect, (people make lots of mistakes) maybe some time will help her to forgive you and herself and allow her to make a clearer wiser decision. And ultimately, let's say she doesn't want to give the relationship another try, because some people won't tolerate things like that happening, then you at least have the comfort in knowing you tried to make this right. Maybe you can express to her in some way how truly sorry you are. I mean you seem to be consumed by how the whole situation went down. All you can do is try. Have you tried contacting her at all to express how regretful you are?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I answered you through a DM

[Hidden]

Hi. How are you feeling today?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

Awful and feeling that there is no hope in the world. Things got worse as usual and I really don’t want to go on because this shit is unbearable

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

I'm sorry. Can you call the suicide hotline where you're at?

What "shit" are you talking about exactly? Not bearing the fact that you pushed that woman with a child in her arms? Something else? A combination of things?

Also, what got worse?

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I also should tell you that this woman took Ecstasy with her kid in the car as a side note and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I feel a combination of extreme self hate and extreme anger towards her

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

That's awful!!! Sounds like CPS needs to get involved ASAP.

Ok, so I'm a bit confused. She did an awful thing too. You both did. So, why are you making it sound like you are the only one at fault here?

(Am I correct in saying that you feel like the sole person who did wrong here, when in fact she did too? If yes, I can help with this by way of telling you about a recent experience of mine)

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

You are sort of correct. I just don’t know anymore. I feel guilty but also I want revenge cuz if she didn’t take that pill everything would’ve been fine

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Wow, this is so similar to my feelings as a result of my experience it's scary.

Let me switch to my laptop so I can type faster and I'll tell you my story. You might get more out of it than you think.

I'll be right back.

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Ok, here's my story:

I spent about 2 years as a member of another HU community. I noticed from the get go that there were things about this community that I didn't agree with, but such is life. I was liked in this community and was even praised by their moderator for being such a caring member. I was helping others and getting help. It went well.

This community had always had issues with bullying, rudeness and playing down others' experiences, but it's what happened 8 months ago that really got under my skin. I felt that, "ok, we're all adults here. I'm going to mention this issue in an adult way and hopefully get some mature discussion that will perhaps lead the community to make positive change"

I won't go into details, so just suffice it to say that I did not get my desired response. Quite the opposite, actually. I got bullied very badly. This bullying of course made me feel awful, so what did I do? I lost my cool and blew up on the forum.

The way I reacted to my blowup was to develop extreme self-hatred. In my mind, I was the only one who had done wrong. I had made up my mind about this and no one (not even my husband) could calm me down and make me see that maybe, just maybe, the community members were also at fault. That same night, my husband had me listen to a TEDtalk on self-hatred. While it helped me in that moment, it didn't last. About 30 minutes later my husband had to save me from choking myself with my exercise band.

My husband went to work the next morning with instructions to call the ambulance if I needed it. Well, I sure needed it. I was looking at all my medicines and was about to try and overdose, but, since I was really afraid of dying, called for help instead. I was taken to the ER and my husband and therapist met me there.

Do I want revenge on that community? You bet! I want the damn group shut down to be honest. I confided in my husband about my thoughts for revenge. He told me that yes, what they did and continue to do are very wrong, but told me to not waste my energy on anger because I can't do anything about it. People are dropping like flies from that community, so they are already getting a taste of their own medicine.

I hope my experience helps show you that, even though it might feel that you are the only one at fault here, I can assure you you are not. I was made to feel (by the other members) that I was the only wrong-doer and was "crazy" for blowing up, which played a small role in my self-hatred (mainly it was my own conscience that made me hate myself).

I am still consciously working on quelling my vengeful thoughts towards that group. Sometimes I have to do everything in my power to prevent myself from messaging the moderator and telling her to get her butt in motion and do something to stop the abuse.

I am learning that others will do what they want, and, if I don't agree with it, not to get worked up about it.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I wish I had a loved one that wouldn’t leave. I’ve always wanted a family and at this point it seems impossible because I’m just a trrrible fucking person

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Dude, is that the ONLY thing you got got from that??!! That I have a husband?!

I sure hope you got a lot more out of that because that was the whole point of sharing my experience with you.

-You feel that you're the only one who did wrong. So did I.

-You feel pure anger and feel the need to take revenge on her. So did I (to that community)

You are not a "terrible fucking person", so stop saying/thinking that. You've probably been thinking it for so long that you've come to believe it, am I right or am I right? The mind is like a mind toddler -- it doesn't know the difference between right and wrong, so we need to teach it.

If you ask me, your girlfriend is doing way worse things by driving while under the influence of drugs with a kid on board!! THAT is what is unforgivable! She'll be locked up for a long time if she's caught. I mean, poor kid! He deserves better!

I am leaving this thread now because sharing that exhausted me (and I'm also a bit upset that you didn't take from it what I was trying to get across).

Please get the help you need and deserve (yes, DESERVE because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!)

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

I get that sorry to make you feel that way my mind is really messed up and I don’t know what to do with it

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

That's why you need deeper help than what we can give.

[Thelonewolf22 in reply to Hidden]

That really hurt tbh

[Hidden in reply to Thelonewolf22]

Oh ok, very sorry.

I didn't mean that in a mean way. See, this is the hard thing about not conversing face-to-face. We don't get to see the emotion behind each response; we just get the cold words. My facial expression and "voice" behind that statement was one of caring and sorrow that you feel so bad and I can't help.