Parents & Parenting

[Vicksterr]

Aside of 2017-present, the last time I was consistently around my Dad was 2010 before I moved to go to college. Of course I grew a lot mentally/emotionally. Our relationship was on the greater side, but due to unforeseen circumstances I could not receive financial aid so I was ass out, working 3 jobs and taking classes when I can to ultimately graduate.

During this time I helped my brother and Dad A LOT financially. Unbeknownst to them I was homeless at a point, losing weight, found out I have Celiac Disease, anxiety, the death of my eldest brother & great gran. Granted none of these things are outside the norm, just giving perspective.

I am blessed to have a daughter and from 3 months to 1 year he would babysit. And we began bumping heads. It’s as if he tries to personify someone he’s not in front of my spouse, talks to my spouse about me but never says anything directly to me (does the same to and with my other brother) lies about his finances, borrows money but gives everyone a different reason as to why he needs it, attempts to take advantage, drops hints for sympathy instead of asking for things, and goes against requests of things we do/don’t allow for our daughter.

We just got into a terrible blow out resulting in ultimately the demise of our relationship & him threatening to call the police on me. (I smoke medicinally 2x a day due to anxiety and Celiac Disease, no longer breast feeding)

I guess I’m just looking for advice from anyone who has/had turmoil with their parent(s).

I hope you all are safe & sound 🥰

[Althaea]

Oh yes-turmoil with parents is a pretty heavy cornerstone of my past and while the fights have ended (for the most part) due to distance and death, I feel the shadow of that turmoil often. I often repeat “we are who are because of and in spite of our parents”.

It sounds like you have really gone thru the ringer with your Dad and while it might hurt right now and you might feel the pinch of not having his help with childcare-ultimately you have to do what is best for you, your family, and your mental health. Maybe a little space from each other will help bring perspective and you’ll be able to develop healthier boundaries. And maybe not. For now though, sitting with all of it and talking with someone who will just listen w/o judgement and just allowing yourself the space you need to heal from some of that toxicity will do wonders for coming to terms with things.

For me, what helps in how I navigate my relationship with my parents is accepting that I’m only responsible for my part, I am not responsible for how my parent responds or behaves. Once I can let go of the idea that I have anything to do with how my parent acts (because I don’t...how they live/act/speak is ultimately their choice) I usually feel more at ease with my choices/actions. It’s not always easy but it takes the burden of responsibility for them off my shoulders and helps me to let it be however it will be.

Stay strong, mama. You got this 💪

[Vicksterr in reply to Althaea]

Thank you so much Althaea, seriously. And your last paragraph really hit home. I think it’s because for so long I put his needs/concerns before mine since he’s my only parent but it has bitten me in the behind.