Dealing with abusive parents

[Elle_Luv]

How do I deal with an abusive parent. Were in therapy. But weve only had one session. I tried leaving and i literally can’t. I have gone to every person who will take me in. I need to learn to deal with him but I have no idea how. I literally just have to do what he says all the time? Just let him blame and blame me, call me lazy, and ungrateful and hold it over my head that he does everything for me? Everyday im here we get into a huge fight.

[kgirl13]

Same here. i tried family therapy with my parents but my dad never listened and took the suggestions. its been a couple of years and i have my own therapist, and they have their own therapist. i'm 17 and my parents still do that kind of b.s. to me, and have been ever since i was around 13. well maybe it has been longer, i just didnt realize how i was being treated by them and that its not okay to tell your kid that their not good enough, until then. ive been through the same bs now for some time, and i'm here to talk to you if you need to. no one should ever have to go through this .

[Elle_Luv in reply to kgirl13]

I’m sorry they won’t recognize their behaviors. I will say that after my dad and i got in a huge fight we were able to have a really good conversation where we were both level headed and actually listening to each other, instead of assuming the other one is always wrong. I find validating them and showing that you understand their perspective helps a lot.

[kgirl13 in reply to Elle_Luv]

I always try to do that with my parents too. But most of the time when I try to say even something like "i don't agree with how you feel but i understand where you're coming from", i can't even say that without them saying "your being disrespectful!!!!!"

even if they dont explode when I try to validate them, it only lasts for at most the rest of the day. then they go back to telling me stuff like i'm not good enough, that i' irresponsible and i whine too much, and not listening to me when i just need someone to listen to me. they just always go back to that and it sucks

[Elle_Luv in reply to kgirl13]

Yah it’s a hard habit to break and it’s even harder on people hearing that BS like you and. I. If they won’t change, I would say just try to find challenges for everything they tell you. Like for example: if they say “you’re not like your sibling.” I think a good challenge for that would be “of course I’m not like my sibling, we’re different people with different thought orocesses.” I wouldn’t say this out loud to them, but maybe write them down or repeat them like a mantra until you believe it. I’m not sure if that will help you, but it helps me.

[kgirl13 in reply to Elle_Luv]

thank you so much! i'm going to try doing that more

[Elle_Luv]

Hey being 16 doesnt mean you don’t know anything. I dont think maturity comes with age, i think it comes with experience. I’m glad you finally left! It’s not so easy. I left my house 2 months ago which was one of the greatest things i ever did. It was also the hardest.

[Elle_Luv]

You will get there! It just takes patience! In the meantime, i would try to set up boundaries from them as much as you can. School is a really healthy way to escape and it makes leaving easier!

[kgirl13 in reply to Elle_Luv]

how did u get to finally leaving ur house? like what steps did u take? what's an alternate if we have virtual school from home because of covid?

[Elle_Luv in reply to kgirl13]

Hey! When i left a couple months ago i did so rather impulsively and i wish i would have thought out a plan first. 1) find as many people as you can who are willing to help you. Friends, family, community resources. I had to jump couches a lot. I would not recommend leaving unless you have a reliable form of transportation. Keep your job or find one as long as pissibke and be wise with your money. Scope out apartment options and potential roommates. Ask your parents for help. Depending on your age, they probably want to help you become independent. If not ask friends parents and family members, or other friends who have their own place. Also learn budgeting techniques! Hope this helps!

[Elle_Luv in reply to Elle_Luv]

Also when it comes to school email your teachers and contact them. Im in college and a lot of our meetings were on zoom so it was easy for me to jump around the state. Almost all teachers will be willing to help you at some capacity