My career and family

[Mishell11]

I have been a very confused child since a very long time. I would definitely say that is because of my family becuase they always degraded me. Everytime, by which i eventually started losing all the faith and confidence in my decisions. For my degree i chose economics because i didnt like bcom and i wanted to do mass communication, but due to financial constraints i couldnt. Hence , economics, i loved the subject, but maths totally ruined the course for me. And now, i have applied for several colleges for a postgraduation in mass communication and due to the pandemic, i thought i have a lot of time at home and that i may give a pushstart for my preparations for civil services exam. Again my family has been demotivating me from doing it. I think if i work hard i will get through the exam, but my parents, say that i wont be able to crack the exam, hence i need to stop dreaming about it. The same parents had told me i would fail my 12th std , but i passed with an 89%. And usually such opinions, leds me to get more confused and doubt myself. Now im in a dilemma what to do. I have actuallt started preparing for the civil services exam in a short way, but the opinions like this totally destroyed my inner confidence.

[Tellmeaboutit]

ignore their comments. believe in yourself. study even harder just to “show them!”

dont just try to pass, try for100%

your family will never change, but you can prove to yourself that they can’t hold you back

[fishfry in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

You sound like a very motivated and focused person. Just keep doing what you’re doing so that you can achieve your goal. My hat is off to you! Best of luck!

[Tellmeaboutit in reply to fishfry]

well i tend to be motivated and focussed about 1/3 of the time. i have bipolar disorder. but medication helps so the depression’s not unmanageable. when i am depressed and lazy i just wait it out and try not to blame myself.

thanks for the complement tho, it is appreciated.

[Mishell11 in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

Oh! You seem to be very much focused and positive. Something that anyone needs to prey on is their positivity.

Well i am so much into blaming myself everytime when something happens. Hence, half of my depression arises from that.

I never found my part of depression or whatever my problem is to be addressed to anyone, because i thought that is only because i feel like i am into depression and maybe this is not how depression works. Something that i realised later on is that, blaming yourself for everything, feeling like whatever you do, is going into nothingness. Continuous failures or disappointments in everythig you do or say, literally gets you to the verge of depression. And i was suffering too much for a very long time that finally in the beginning of this lockdown that is when i researched on the internet for online support groups and found this.

I was done with everyone around me, anything around me. I stay up late, because that is the only time when i get to be alone, without my family, no problems, no ones disappointed, but i think about it overnight that i spend half of my time writing in my journal about all of it.

[Mishell11 in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

And i am glad you are such a positive person with so much going around you , yet you are holding on to it. You are a strong person. I hope you get through it. All my prayers are with you.

[Mishell11 in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

Thankyou so much! Maybe this is the kind of encouragement or motivation needed for anyone dreaming big. I m glad to be a part of this community!😁