I've Been Doing OK. But now I'm confused.

[Kiltyman]

It has been awhile since I asked for help. But now after everything has been going well I find myself in a situation that is having an adverse effect on me but I'm too embarrassed to talk about it? Uf anyone remembers me please PM. I need your help.

[Mary-intussuception]

Could you share a little of what's happening on here?

[Sprinkle1]

What are you confused about? We cannot help you if you do not provide some details. I know how it fees to be confused, it is not a nice feeling, be glad to be of help if I can.......Sending love n hugs.......

[Kiltyman in reply to Sprinkle1]

I have been involved in a relationship for the last 3 years with a Hatian woman I met while living in the Dominican Republic. That's when I became I'll again with my PTSD. I was going back and forth to Canada and maintaining a condo which she was living in with me. I felt we were soul mates and very much in love. I wanted to bring her to Canada but could not overcome all the buratic obstacles of the government. This has caused me much pain and contributed to my anxiety and mental wellness. I am still supporting her and her 9 year old son. She cannot work in the Dominican and returning to Haiti after being away from her home country for over 15 years is no longer an option. And it is unsafe. My mental condition us starting to deteriorate now. Mostly because of the frustration with the immigration system. And now I am beginning to feel like I am being duped by her but having a terrible time convincing myself. You see I tend to see good in most people. And now I question my ability to make make reliable self decisions. It's a vicious circle which even lead me to consider suicide at one point. I have no one else in my life. I'm estranged from my children. And have no family left except a younger brother who only contacts me when he needs something. So you see where I am confused. Is it love? Is it only financial support? We haven't seen each other now in 14 months. I try to convince myself this will never work. But then being totally alone is the option and I think that scares me. Yes, I'm confused.

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Kiltyman]

Yes you are suffering Kiltyman. Have you considered talking with a therapist?

As far as getting your lady friend into the country, have you talked to your local senator, they sometimes can be of help. I got help from mine when I was seeking getting my citizenship here in the US.

Also reading between the lines, she May be using You. We can be blinded by love, so write down in a journal, all your feelings, doubts etc., then way your findings

up. I am sorry you are by yourself, so am I. I have 3 brothers, estranged from 2 of them, and they live in England, so I have no family here. My best friend is dying, she is in Calif, where I moved from to SC. Another good friend in Calif moved to Arkansas. I have yet one more friend in Calif, but we only contact each other intermittently. My friend that I made here died last Aug.

Another friend moved to Baltimore. I do volunteer work at the local library, but with the virus the library closed, so I am isolated in my home by myself with my two beautiful cats. I keep myself busy, I am growing a garden on my deck, it is fun, I should be able to feed myself this summer and maybe able to give some away.

I know how awful confusion can be I lived with it the first 40 years of my life, it was therapy that helped me sort myself out. A good book I recommend is by Dr. Scott Peck "The Road Less Traveled" it was in the top 10 best seller list for 7 years. I loved it and it helped me a lot, you can find it on Amazon new/used.

If I can be of anymore help please let me know, sending you peace, strength, love n hugs.......

[Kiltyman in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I will check out the book you recommended. Normally with my military background I am quite analytical. But these days I don't trust myself as much. I will take your advice and review the last 3 years. At that point maybe discuss the results with a professional. I think it's time for a second opinion. I'm just afraid a negative may be more than I can handle.

Thank you again and stay well.

[kenster1]

hi i remember you stuck in a foreign country.

[Kiltyman in reply to kenster1]

Yes that's correct. It took quite the toll on my mental health and too long before I finally was able to leave. I ended up in hospital back in Canada. Then homeless. I should write a book. Now that I have gotten back on my feet again I've been trying to get my girlfriend, who saved my life, to join me and start a new life. That has caused untold difficulties and bureaucratic nightmares. It has started to take a toll on my mental health. Trying to confirm to myself that my judgement if the situation is sound. The doubts come and go. But that's the main issue. Hence the confusion.

Thanks for your reply.