Getting worse!

[Deepoceanic]

Hey, I feel like I am going crazy. Well to provide context My therapist she moved to another clinic so I am know having to start with another therapist which sucks because I hate having to explain my problems all over again. This is hard for me because I suffer from extreme social anxiety so I don’t handle changes well. Anyways I have been under a lot of stress from school and hiding my failures from my family because I feel weak telling them I am not the smart girl they always claimed I was. I even believed them that it was true because I want them to be proud. I always had to study hard for school, it never came easy to me. I don’t have any friends and haven’t for the past decade which sucks because the only people I have to share anything is my family. I don’t always have the same interests as my sisters so certain things that are exciting to me aren’t to them so I can’t share even some joys with them and none of my struggles so I am left alone and just really sucks sometimes. I have kept too many secrets from them for so long that I am afraid they won’t be able to handle all of them at once because unfortunately circumstances have lined up so that that’s how my secrets will come out. If I lose them I won’t have a reason to live scares me. When I do remember what to say in therapy my mind tells me that I don’t feel as bad as I thought I was feeling or I am just exaggerating the situation. It also tells me that what I tell her will sound weird and she will just shrug it off and say take deep breaths or journal it which just annoys me because it’s their standard answers when they don’t know how to solve it. I am tired of trying to get better and give my issues time. I am also tired of seeking out help when no understands me or my struggles. I am just at a point where I am extremely overwhelmed. Sorry it’s long I just had to get my frustration out to someone who may understand where I am coming from or knows that having mental illness just sucks especially when those in your life can’t understand your pain unless they have gone through mental illness like u have.

[Wiganladlovesapie]

Hi. I’m Andy.

This is such a lot for one person to bare, and carry. Unfortunately you are forced to start the process again with a new therapist. I’ll say this about that situation. It could be a good thing. You will be seen through fresh eyes. Maybe this therapist is more in tune with you? You could work better together. You may have to revisit everything again, but they may have different ways and techniques to help you. They may be a better listener. I can’t imagine any therapist worth there salt simply shrugging off your immense feelings and telling you to just take deep breaths. You need lots of dedicated care, and time, to heal at your pace.

Secrets are weighing you down completely. Your therapist will hopefully be giving you the tools and help to speak honestly and frankly with your family eventually, In a safe space.

Have you considered family counselling? Do you think that your family would be open to that suggestion? Or is that a flat NO!? It’s a thought.

I see how tired and overwhelmed you are. I really do. So it’s vital that you do get to this therapist. And get talking. Lighten this load.

Indulge me this story.

If someone makes light of mental health issues. Or completely does not get it. I say this. Carry these 2 really heavy shopping bags around all day. At first they are cocky and no problem. Then interesting things happen. Their grip starts to loosen. Their arms ache and hurt. They begin to sweat and start to feel breathless. Panicky. Their back and legs start to ache. The longer they go, the slower they become until...bang! Shopping dropped and.....relief. I then say that people with mental health problems don’t get to drop their shopping. They don’t get instant relief. They have to keep walking with the heavy loads. Day in day out. Struggling, in pain, breathless, and afraid.

I just wanted you to know that I and many many here understand, and you are not alone. We are all here for you. For each other. You are not alone on this journey.

So keep talking.

Take good care of yourself.

Andy x

[Deepoceanic in reply to Wiganladlovesapie]

Hi, Andy thank you for responding it meant a lot for you to take the time to read my long post. Thanks I like your perspective and feel like you do understand the weight we have to carry on a daily basis that we can’t just drop it when it feels too much. I know my problem is I hide the real me because in the past people couldn’t handle me and left. I know now it’s because they didn’t understand my struggle. It still sucks because it’s feels like they gave up and I wasn’t enough. Thanks you made my day! If you ever need to vent as well you can message me anytime so you don’t feel like you don’t have anyone to vent to. Take care!