Does anyone relate?

[User32578]

Sometimes even when Im at a point in my life where im actually happy and healthy i still have this need to sabotage it and oddly want to go back to being depressed bc its almost comforting.. Idk does anyone else feel like that sometimes?

[Downandout123]

No thanks!! But I can understand what you mean. Depression is like a "default' setting. I find that, ( being a true introvert,) when I'm feeling happy, I'm just naturally around other people. (.before the pandemic of course). But when I get depressed, I revert to my shell with just my dogs. Honestly, people.tire me out. I need a lot of "alone" time. So being depressed means I'm alone. Don't get me wrong-It STILL sucks though!!

[Joy4444]

Yes, it’s like self-sabotaging. Sometimes being happy we are just “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” And also it can be scary because it’s not what we’re used to. So in a sense it’s almost easier to go back to being depressed.

Also, going after the things I want can be fear-inducing or I’d have to put myself in uncomfortable situations to get there.

[User32578 in reply to Joy4444]

Yes exactly! I thought it was only me who felt like that.

[Joy4444 in reply to User32578]

Definitely not! What we are going through, so many people experience.. I know this and we are more “normal” than we think. I feel like the people in my life could look at me and not suspect anything is wrong, but in reality I’m battling my own mind every day.

[User32578 in reply to Joy4444]

I feel exactly like that too. I'm so happy when I'm around my friends and family but then when I'm alone it's like my whole life seems like its crashing down and no one notices

[Straight in reply to Joy4444]

Yeah wow I really can relate. It’s like hey I’m happy... wait a second this won’t last long. So you make it so. Damn our unconscious minds always try to run the show. We need to keep our conscious presence front and center so that self defeating thought has no space.

[aureolequinox]

Yea all the time, feels bad man

[Hidden in reply to aureolequinox]

Reminds me of Eeyore the depressed donkey in Winnie the Pooh

[Hidden]

Yes. Depression lurks even on the sunny days. Just dont give it space. Speaking only for myself... I think subconsciously, I like to play the victim role with the depression/ anxiety I struggle with. It is a safe place I guess. Then I can feel sorry for myself. Its weird. It wastes my time and energy. If this were my last day on earth, I would have wished I would have spent more time basking in the sunlight not hiding under a dark cloud.

Those of us that self sabotage, I suspect we think we dont deserve better. That is wrong twisted thinking.

[RecreateMyself in reply to Hidden]

Your post hit home for me. If this were my last day on earth, I would have wished I would have spent more time basking in the sunlight not hiding under a dark cloud. It brought tears to my eyes for some reason..... I have wasted sooooo much time and opportunities being depressed. It’s pitiful. I feel like I’m wasting my life and I can’t help myself break out of this depression.

[Hidden in reply to RecreateMyself]

I think we need to at least co- habitate with our depression. It doesnt deserve to b in the drivers seat. I force myself to get out, do things with people I love even when I dont think I want to. My daughterinlaw who knows me well often challenges me by asking “ is that the depression making that choice or you?” Too often it is the unwelcome guest depression choosing what is not best for me. I am not willing to b it’s victim.

[Joy4444 in reply to Hidden]

Yes it is like playing the victim role is easier but it doesn’t get us anywhere.

[Lindsey14]

I get that feeling a lot

[Kitty7Kat]

I have been trying to find helpful support for tackling self destructive behaviour / sabotage / addictive habits. Not found much so far. I am so afraid I am going to just say/do something stupid because I have a tendency to give up/self sabotage. I go through crises' on a recurring basis.