My closest friend has this amazing ability to see good in just about everyone. It just pours out of her.
I am not this way. I realize a lot of our personalities are beyond our control (our genes and childhood) but some part of each of us is changeable.
I really like the idea of seeing the good in others (and I have always been drawn to people with this quality.) I think its what the world needs now more than almost anything: giving someone the benefit of the doubt, seeing good in others.
Still, I feel like its lacking in my own life.
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Blackdog1
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Are you talking about the potential and active taking of people to be good moral individuals? Or are you talking about celebrating people’s strengths and seeing the good in who they are, despite the bad that’s easy to identify?
You:
- write out good qualities about them (adjectives)
- what are things they are naturally talented in?
- what are things that they have worked hard to obtain or be good at?
- how do they treat and help others?
- what are things they do or say that you wish you could do?
- what hardships did they persevere through?
- what are patterns or pieces of their behavior that only they do? (Like the way they always say a certain phrase or something)
I would say, the trick is noticing the differences in people and appreciating their individuality. It’s easier for me to see the good in people (and want to celebrate who they are) when I think about how unique they are.
The thing is: you notice the good when you’re searching for it.
I found I noticed the good in people by analyzing social circles, by thinking about qualities that I admired in them, by thinking about where I wanted to grow and become a better person - I noticed a lot more in others around me, just trying to learn from them I guess.
It will help when you decide to search for good things to notice and then pattern a behavior of thought. You could look up adjectives to help have a list handy. You could write out seeing the good and practice with characters in your favorite TV show.
The best part is, you have self-awareness with how you are. You have noticed something about yourself you want to grow in, learn more, and change into. You appreciated how easily your friend sees the good in others, how she shares it so freely, and you admired it. Now, you can work on developing it.
I think we can all be pessimistic. It can be easier for some to be negative than positive. I think in life we fluctuate on these sort of things.
Anyways, you’re doing great. Acknowledging you want to change is the first step. It’s like writing a to-do list. You can look at the list and feel tired or sad, burdened by the work ahead of you. Or you can be proud you wrote the list, excited to get started, think about when you’ll cross things off, decide to be proud of your growth, and remember that life is full of in-progress tasks.
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I look for the good in others as we all are the same, yet different. Good or bad, I often compare people to animals. When I see a mean person who seems to have a black heart... I think of a junk yard dog attacking if you get too close. I believe when most people are lashing out, there are reasons. Maybe childhood abuse, lack of love, who knows. I believe we all start out as sweet babies, innocent and needy. If our needs are not met early on, it changes the blueprint of who we are. Not saying we should allow toxic people to crap on us. I feel sorry for these people as they dont know what they are missing.
I think it does have to do with your experiences and trust. If you lack trust in people you're more likely to find the negative to push them away. Of course subconsciously.
Doesn't mean you can't change it. When you meet someone find one thing you like. We all have good in us and our issues as well.
For myself, I feel like my struggle here is really just an overflow of bad feelings about myself.
Its hard to change your thoughts about yourself.
I remind my effort to change like an episode of the supernanny show. My bad thoughts are like a spoiled kid who has to keep coming back to the naughty chair to stop a bad habit. I'm just dragging myself back every day : we're not doing this again!
I turn to God and ask wwjd (what would Jesus do?) I try my best to follow the golden rule of treating others as I would like to be treated. Does this mean I'm always successful in this? Heck no, but I try. Sometimes I don't manage to think of this rule until after I've already taken the wrong action. I think it's part of human nature. To err is to be human, right?
Good Point. Maybe seeing good in others means seeing good in yourself. I’m pretty sure judgement is like that. If I judge myself I’m the same when it comes to others.
It kind of makes things easier too . I feel like I'm already overloaded with self-improvement. Seems like a better use of my energy as well. Look for the beauty in everyone you meet? Tiring! Find beauty in yourself? Everyone around benefits from someone with contentment.
When you can see the good in yourself, when you can hold yourself in compassion and love all of you, then you will see the good in others.
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