My whole family has blocked my number. They are not willing to give me my things back. And I am not welcome there...
The whole family blocked my number due to what manipulations come out of my mothers mouth that she likes to tell everybody..
I have no one. No one to support me.
As I have agoraphobia and cannot go into stores to pick up my prescriptions or food.
As my moms wife screamed to me last night “I should disappear forever and everyone would be so much better off without me.”
I guess that’s true. My mom tells me I’m a burden, as well as my grandma. My brothers won’t even talk to me...
There comes a time when people just can’t live the life they have, all alone.
I texted the crisis hotline, it was of no help. And I’m not going into a hospital for them to change all my meds and fuck me up even more, and not give me anything for my migraines.
Sometimes there is no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s okay.
People say suicide is so selfish. But- No, thinking that is selfish. To want someone to live in this kind of pain they experience is selfish.
Thanks for everyone who has been here for me during these past couple months. You guys are so brave to keep going. And I couldn’t be more blessed to have even just had a comment or a like from you guys.
As I thought things were on the right track and getting better, it does a 180 and now I’m here.
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Ubud2021
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You are so kind 💕 I will keep this in mind when I am feeling that way again. I’m feeling quite a bit better this morning, but who knows how I’ll feel later.. 🥴🥴 anyway, thank you.
Hey do you need to talk? I’m sure you can figure some things out for the near future.
My heart goes out to you! I am so sorry for what you are experiencing and that your family is not giving you the help and support that you need. I wish I could give you a big hug so you know you are not alone. I do understand the pain that you feel. For me, it wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just didn’t want to have to live. But I am doing well now and no longer have those thoughts. It was a long journey getting there but I no longer feel that way. Please, please, please, don’t give up. And anytime you want to talk I will reply. I may not always know just the right thing to say but I will do my best to let you know that you are not alone.
Thank you so much. It is hard. It sucks everyone has turned their back on me, especially when 4 days ago, I had made a family meeting to as I will be going through a lot of changes. I had to stop my ketamine therapy that helped me TREMENDOUSLY due to new management raising prices up $150 more. I don’t have a job, and I cannot pay. It’s almost been 2 months now. So it’s no longer in my system. After 1 month is when I need the ketamine treatment. Also, I’m going through medication changes. So I sat everyone down to talk to them about how I may be more on edge from anxiety and my ocd. They all said they would be patient with me. But as soon as I bring up a big issue that no one is addressing, and it’s not fair for me to live in my own apartment, my mom instantly explodes on me. I was pretty calm for the first 2 minutes. But then my fight or flight mode kicked in, so I started yelling back at her. Standing up for MYSELF because I did nothing wrong. I simply stated how something was unfair. I stated this calmly and effectively. But, my mother has been a little crazy lately.
Anyway- thank you so much MamaMia3! By the way, love your name 😆 I will definitely make sure I message you. Thank you so much for your kindness. Truly, I really appreciate it. 💕 I’m so glad you got out of this state of mind. It’s not a fun place to be in.
You are really taking it from all sides. That really is unfair! And medication changes are really hard.
I wish I lived near you and could give you the support you need. I have dealt with isolation, anxiety, depression and alcoholism without the support of a loving mother and sisters. And I never knew how to get help. It took getting baker acted a couple of times for me to find a good doctor. I have overcome the alcoholism which always made everything worse. I’ve been on medication for 13 years now (but I would like to see if I could come off them at this point). But they did help with the depression when I needed them. I still have social anxiety and tend to keep to myself but I really try to work at that. (I do have a husband, though, and 2 grown kids.) My biggest regret is that I gave my mother and sisters too much power over me and allowed it to change who I was and didn’t like who I became. You have every right to feel loved and cared for and supported by your family and it is so sad when you don’t get that. I know it’s not easy but try really hard not to get angry. That gives them the power. Sadly, you can’t change them you can only work on yourself. You are worth it and the goal is to be happy and in control in spite of them. There will be light at the end of the tunnel. You can get through this and you never know what good things life will have in store for you. I got through to the other side in spite of my family and you can too. Please believe in yourself.
I don’t know your doctor situation or your financial situation but if you could manage to see a good therapist, that helped me a lot, just to have someone to talk to, to understand me, to give me clarity, and to give me suggestions. Just don’t give up. I am really worried about you. Please keep messaging me.
I know there is much more for me and much more for me to see. I was in a very dark spot last night. Because of all this. Today I’m feeling a little better. Thanks again ✌️
I agree. My mom tells me I should be “perfect “. I should have a very good job, a masters degree like her, work all day just like her. Keep everything clean 24/7 just as she does. Stop my compulsions as I’m looking like a “meth addict.” She is very hard on me.
My brother on the other hand, has almost the same diagnosis as I do, but he has bipolar. He’s NEVER had a job. (I’ve had about 20 jobs) and he never will have a job. His fear is too big to even think about applying for one. But yet, that’s okay to my mom. He will always live with my mother as well. And that’s okay to her. She’s never said anything rude to him. All he does is literally play video games all day. No one judges him for it... but if I’m too depressed or have a bad migraine to get out of bed, or if I’m too depressed/have a bad migraine to clean, I am “lazy” and do “absolutely nothing”. It’s rough. My mom wants me to say yes to her all the time. “Yes”, and obey. She doesn’t see that I am my own person. I am not her. She has a very strong superior complex... but she doesn’t see that.
I certainly agree with you. But just because he has bipolar, it makes it okay for him to not be “perfect”.
I try to help her understand me. I’ve tried so hard... but- it’s never enough. I’m going to keep my distance this time. For good. Until she can reach out to me, and hopefully understand her actions. I figured out last night, that I can get grocery pickup from the store. And it takes my food assistance card. Although I will have anxiety for sure even being in the parking lot, it is definitely doable!! So, at around 10:20, I will be going to the store in the parking lot, and they come out and hand me my groceries. And I bet if I call the pharmacy when I need my medication refills, I can tell them about my issue, and they could possibly bring my meds out to me? Idk. That may be wishful thinking. But I have no copay for my meds so I think it might be doable.
Im feeling a bit better today. So, I’m thinking, what if I CAN do this on my own?? Ya know? Like.... what if?
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Trigger warning- abuse/childhood abuse
Anyone else just had enough?
What I’ve Learned So Far.
Isolating and slowly fading...
Still shaken
