Hello, I'm new to this section. Struggling as I slay my dragons. A bit of a vent.

[Daesin]

Hello. I was put on medication last week for severe depression and anxiety secondary to extreme chronic vertigo. Nothing bums a girl out more than a world that won't quit spinning. Let me off this ride!!!

I haven't worked since mid September 2019. My body and brain just don't communicate properly. The vertigo rewired some of my pathways. It fried a few areas and shook some other things loose. Herb dealing with visual, gate in balance that as well as cognitive issues. Plus, of course, the depression and anxiety

The consequences have been life altering. I have gone from being a very strong, capable, very confident and effective woman to not being able to walk across the room without looking like a drunkard or I can go all spastic. Add slurred speech and word confusion, typically followed by hysterical crying or anger outbursts...well let's just say it ain't cute.

This vertigo and consequential psych issues have stripped me of many abilities, destroyed my career goals, but worst of all siphoned my confidence. I've actually jerked so hard that I fell out of a chair, or the day I twitched and gave myself a black eye. I even ripped a pedastle sink from the wall when I fell once. The fun just never ends.

I hate myself every time I twitch or fall or wibble wobble. I cry all the time. Nightmares and anxiety keep me awake. I have put my family into dire financial straits because I don't bring home a paycheck anymore. Everything is so hard, so dark. This CANT be my new normal. I'm not the person I was, I'm afraid I'll never get back to her. This new one is worthless. I try hard to put a smile on my face and boost others, but nothing touches the darkness inside. It's all superficial, all for show to keep the family or others calm. Inside I'm dying.

The Dr started me on gabapentin this past week. She said it would also help with nerve pain from a jacked up shoulder. So how long til it kicks in? I walk 2-3 miles everyday (not pretty but I trudge on) for exercise but that doesn't help my mood. Chocolate cupcakes provide transient happiness, but then calories, !&@#@ so another walk.

This virus thing has really messed up my appointments. Another 4 months to see neurologist now. I can't go to speech or physical therapy as they are based inside the hospital. Same with the vestibular specialists. It's full of virus patients. My hubby is immuno compromised so we will not risk it. This is certainly not ideal. I know I am blessed, it's just hard to see that at times. I'm not expecting anything.....just needed to vent. Sorry about the rambling.

Anyhow, hello. I hope your night is going better. Blessings to all.

[Hidden]

hey daesin, sorry to hear your problems but is it wrong that you made me smile 3 times whilst reading your post! your sense of humour will get you through. i had unexplained vertigo for 6 months every-time i lay down the world would just go mental i actually held the wall and the mattress to try and feel steady, now i just feel like i will fall forward randomly. so my heart goes out to you, keep your chin up and if nothing else know you brightened my day! all the best.

[Daesin in reply to Hidden]

I'm glad I could make your day a bit better. Humor is my only weapon now. I can't use real weapons until the double vision clears. 🤪

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 best weapon ever hun, look out when you get your stability back!!!!

[Daesin in reply to Hidden]

I'm finally getting to a point where I can use it. The world isn't spinning back to back anymore thank God. We only room spin a few times a day now. Don't look up and to the right!

You need a minute to reshuffle your feathers and get your brain back in gear after that ride. I didn't get that option for about four months. It was a 24/7 tilt a whirl.

They took video of the nystagmus for education. I was flipping hard left and tortional. Looked like my eye was having a seizure. My one shot at being in the movies.

I do like to mess with the docs. If they suggest something my response is always 'as long as I don't go home with a newborn.' You should try it. The look on their face is alwàys priceless. Dentist, ENT, physio, chiro.....just have fun, right?

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

Abso Bloody Lutely, fun is the panacea for all. i am so going to try out your saying just to see the look on there faces, i have a couple of ops to get through once all this madness is over, seems like fertile ground to try it out! i still get that weirdness if you look up and sideways sometimes, just a little POP in the head but its not always there. that's the beauty of today's society you haven't missed your chance just set up a cam, that's what YouTube's for! "Spinning Lady in living room"......Viral....World fame!!

[Daesin in reply to Hidden]

I would have problems with a YouTube channel I think. I tend to be rather fluid with my cursing most especially when the room is spinning. I think you get in trouble for that on YouTube. The dentist definitely doesn't like it.

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

🤣 thats what music is for to cover the sound! eh eh "root canal without the addition please"! they must love it when you come in. you said hubby is "immuno compromised" are you having to take special measures to protect you both? its so hard with just the virus alone, you guys must be concerned my heart goes out to you.

[Daesin in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately because of the double vision he is my driver. So once a week we go to town & they throw the groceries in the back. we then go through the drive-through to get the prescriptions. when we get home everything gets disinfected and wiped down.

Most appointments are done through tele-med. It's kinda George Jetson though, but handy.

So, no real change for us. It's just that we know there are some serious big baddies out there. We were doing the whole Social distancing thing before it was cool.

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

😊 before, they called me a recluse, now they all want to do it!

I'm in UK so i don't get reference to "George Jetson", whats that mean? we are only just getting the ability to Tele-Conference with our doctors, hope it stays after all this has died down.

Hey the good thing is there's less cars on the road to hit!

Staying in the car is the best option its cool you are able to do that, the only drive through we have is for fast food, keeps the chances down to a minimum.

[Daesin in reply to Hidden]

Oh, yes culture gap. George Jetson was a cartoon back when I was a kid. It was set in future time and they had a robot maid named Rosie. And the kids used computers and tablets and had cell phones and earbuds and all kinds of cool stuff. but I remember they had a telephone where you could see the other person as they were talking to you. And George was always getting yelled at by his boss. So basically it's all futuristic though we have some of the technology now,

The businesses here in the states are really focusing in on the we don't touch it concept. so the pizza joints guarantee that no hands have touched their product once it's come out of the 450 degree oven. Or businesses that used to be dine in are now pushing delivery and carryout. For groceries the local Walmart which I believe is asda for y'all or maybe Tesco. They now offer curbside pickup. It's cool. Very handy.

So everybody's in mask and wearing gloves. And you just have to think if they're not properly utilizing those gloves then they are simply transmitting everything to everything they touch.

[Hidden in reply to Daesin]

isn't it strange how in our childhood 1999 seemed so far away and the technology was so far fetched and yet we have some of that tech in our lives, but wheres my flying car?!!

it is frightening, but we just have to trust others are doing the right thing. i think they are because this has hit everyone the world over exactly the same, it crosses all boundries.

😍 yep Asda, Tesco and Morrisons among others. although i can order from walmart on the net!... foods a bit off when it gets here!

[enigmaticide]

Your dragons are formidable indeed. It took some moments to process what you have shared, but I appreciate your courage in doing so. Admittedly, there's nothing I can say or do to right things for you, but I shall share something that I like to tell myself. In pondering "GOD-WRITER'S" visitations of trials and tribulations, I imagine His/Her sentiment as being, "It's nothing personal; I just have to keep things interesting."

[Daesin in reply to enigmaticide]

I have my sword and shield in place. My Granddaddy always said when we had to struggle that it built character. I can tell you that I have quite a bit of character.

Thank you for the kind words.

Blessings to all.