What can I do for my boyfriend who has depression?

[CheezyBee]

Hi, this is my first post. My boyfriend has clinical depression, so I wanna know what I can do for him as his partner.

But now we are in long distance relationship, so we can't meet in person. Keeping in touch each other by texting and calling. What is the most important point for keeping in touch?　Is there anything that I must not to do when I keep in touch with him?

p.s. I'm a Japanese and he is a Colombian. Our relationship has happened when we were international students in New Zealand. Now I live in Japan, and he lives in Colombia. And of course I had known about his depression before we have had relationship.

[LynnSalv]

It is very lovely that you are seeing ways in which you can help him with his depression

I am no expert on treating patients with depresion, but speaking from my personal experience it would be nice if you kept in contact with him throughout the day. It doesnt need to be like an exchange of messages between you and him, you can just send messages to him to check him out and to know that he can count on you and that you are there for him. Personally, feeling like someone cares for me helps me when I have my episodes. (Take in mind that I have dysthimya, usually moderate, so this may very well not apply to your boyfriend, but I share it anyways if it can be of any help).

Good luck with your bf

[CheezyBee in reply to LynnSalv]

Thank you so much Your message is so helpful to me Actually, I wanna ask you what should I do when he doesn't reply to my messages for a week or so. Just waiting? or should I send another message?

[012703060610 in reply to CheezyBee]

This is a great question. When I am having a depressive spell, I can't seem to respond to anyone. I think if a week goes by, you should certainly text or maybe even write a nice email. It doesn't have to be about him or depression, but what you are doing and seeing, what you miss about being with him. Just being the constant presence should be helpful. Whenever those messages don't get a response, I think you are clever here to know it is likely him suffering a bit. When I check on my struggling loved ones, I just make sure there is no need to respond or engage.....usually word it better.....but just letting them know I am there for them. You are quite thoughtful!

[CheezyBee in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you so much Texting is harder than in person but I try to do my best

[LynnSalv in reply to CheezyBee]

Mmm if it were me I would send messages that do not merit a response, just something he can read and feel better and if he feels better then answer. That way, he can read them, feel that you are still there and support him, and respond whenever he feels better, which depends on the duration of his episodes. You can personalize the messages with something you like or he likes. If I were to give examples, then they could be something like:

"Good morning, I hope you slept well I am going to try and prepare this new dish someone gaved me. Ill tell you how it goes. Have a good day, honey <3"

"The dish tasted very nice! Maybe we can have it some day, Ill try my best to recreate the taste as similar as I can. Good night, honey"

"Hello honey, I just wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. You know you can count on me if you want to vent or talk a bit, Im here for you I hope you have a great day"

Things like this. They are minimalistic but in my opinion it gives the feeling that someone is there, and that someone has your back. He is colombian, if you want to surprise him with a special message in spanish you can tell me, I can translate a message for you in spanish (I am latin too haha).

But anyways, I hope this helps for you both good luck

[CheezyBee in reply to LynnSalv]

Thanks a lot When I wanna send message to him in Spanish, I gonna ask you